Applejack tries to write a love letter. She mostly fails. A TwiJack story, set somewhere in early Season 4.
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- Member Since 2nd Dec, 2011
- offline last seen May 20th, 2015
Donnys Boy
My name is Donny's Boy. I ship ponies.
Donnys Boy
Joined 2nd Dec, 2011 ·
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Very sweet. I love the unsent letter pieces.
I am very sorry but i did not like this story!
I enjoyed this. I really liked how it went.
You're alive! Also a lovely story, even if it's not Ye Olde OTP.
5451584 Hint: explain.
5451577
Oh, yay, I'm really glad you liked that. The letter-writing segments were my favorite part to write. :)
5451584
Nothing to be sorry about! You like what you like, and you don't what you don't. If you have any specific feedback about what you didn't like in this story, though, I'd love to hear it. No pressure, of course.
5451700
Thanks!
5451723
And so I am! Glad to see you are, too, by the way. :)
5451752 Well, the reason is I'm a very young writer (I'm 11 years old) honestly its the ending I did not like.
Hee hee, very cute! I particularly enjoyed the way you portrayed AJ's musings. The way she admired Twi's tenacity and hard work, and their little get-togethers, and all the little interactions between them that she so cherished which were, for all intents and porpoises, banal but for the fact that they were with Twi. It all worked to help build the ship and make it more believable, draw the reader in.
Simple and delightful, and I too enjoyed the unsent letter snippets.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
5451813 Donny, that you for not cursing me out, when I say what I think about something people curse me out, that's why I said sorry, and its the ending I did not like very much, its very hard to explain how I feel.
I think one of these words should probably be a different word.
I really missed reading sweet, sappy shipfics like this from you.
5451813 I tossed it in the TwiJack group for you
That was cute.
5451888
Aww, I'm glad ya liked it. And yeah, it's definitely "slice of life" in that sense of banal you were talking about, but I kinda see TwiJack as running along those lines. Lots of joy in the simple things in life, etc. :)
5451902
Ugh, sorry--should be fixed now. I always do at least two read-throughs before publishing, but at least one dumb thing like this always seems to slip through.
And thanks! I missed writing sweet, sappy shipfics. :)
5451919
Much obliged!
5451938
Thanks!
5451889
First off, people shouldn't be cursing you out just because you don't like a story, and I'm sorry that you've experienced that. That is seriously Not Cool. (If anyone gets really, really nasty, don't be afraid to block them, by the way. And if you don't know how to do that, just let me know, and I can explain how.)
Also, thanks for providing a bit more detail. I really appreciate it, and I'll do some thinking about the ending of this story and whether it has some problems with it. As a general rule, when writers get feedback that someone doesn't like a story, we like to hear WHY the reader doesn't like it. That way, we can maybe fix the story or just keep it in mind for the next story we write. Readers don't HAVE to say why they don't like a story, but it's really nice when they do. Just so you know. :)
Anyway, I hope the next story you read is one you really, really like!
And once more, Donny proves that he is Quite Excellent at this writing thing.
5452001 Do you make FlutterDash stories, I love my little pony ships and that is my favorite one! I saw on your profile it said "You like to ship ponies"
This is very sweet.
5452004
Aww, you're gonna make me blush. :) This is just a fluffy lil thing, but hey, sometimes fluffy little things are just what you want to read, y'know?
5452124
Oh, yay, I'm especially happy to hear you liked that bit! I've been trying to get better at writing scenes where more than two characters have a conversation together, and I was pretty pleased about how that scene turned out. :D
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:) :) :)
5452035
I do indeed like shipping ponies! "We Can Be Heroes" is a story about little Fluttershy meeting little Rainbow Dash for the first time, and it's not super shippy but it kinda is. (There's a little bit of violence at the beginning, just so you know. Nothing too, too intense, though.) "Perfect" is a FlutterDash story where both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are adults.
Also, here are some FlutterDash stories written by other folks that I've really enjoyed: "Flying in Place" by atosen, "Wingmares" by Couch Crusader, and "Torrents of Slow-Falling Rain" by Stereo_Sub.
Lol Applejack can't write
Pretty sure I now have diabetes due to how adorably sweet this story is.
Still, ya gotta love it when a story makes ya feel all warm 'n' snuggly inside, which this story did masterfully.
This story is very sweet and I'm very much happy to have read it!
thank you
This one thoroughly charmed me! Applejack's and Twilight are my two favorites among the main characters, partly because their friendship often seems to be the core of the whole group's... especially in the "big" episodes. They really seem to keep each other, and the rest of the group, going. But it's never something that I see as particularly "shippy". They're both pretty level-headed characters, and that makes it hard to wring the passion out of their relationship to push it into the usual shipping tale. Everyone now and then, though, someone manages to hit upon the right mix of quiet and heartfelt devotion to really sell a romantic side of it. This one did it beautifully.
I especially enjoyed (and was frustrated by) the fact that Applejack's always unwritten self edits said everything she could ever want to say to Twilight, but at least they did an excellent job of showing the readers how and why she had fallen for the clumsy princess. It was a very sweet format to use. The seeming inevitability of the relationship if AJ would just take the plunge (with the assurances of her friends that Twilight was pretty into her as well) kept it light and drama free, which again suits the pairing. It allowed it to be about the effort to find the truth of the matter to Applejack and to do the difficult job of expressing it as well as she could... And what could be more fitting for the hard-working, honest mare?
Really nicely done... Thanks for sharing it!
it was really nice, but i still feel like this would be just a wonderfull prolog for the real story.
Brilliant work. Truly brilliant work, dude.
5451577
Geeze... Starting to make me look bad! (I kid)
~Skeeter The Lurker
Yeah, a pony like Applejack would have a hard time finding the words and the courage, wouldn't she? Who is she to woo a Princess, the Goddess of Friendship, no less?
Of course, Twilight Sparkle has never been impressed by those who would treat her as some kind of unapproachable ideal. Leave it to her to simply ignore Applejack's self esteem issues and just cut to the chase. She wants AJ and AJ wants her. The end.
Starting the morning off right with some TwiJack.
Great story, I loved reading it.
Oh god, the subtlelty is killing me !
It's been too long since I've read some good not-too-serious TwiJack. I'm happy to see that it's still a thing.
Thank you for this story sir, you just made my day
I liked this a lot. The structure of it, working off of Applejack's many failed attempts to put her feelings down into words, is very clever and gives the story a nice, easy-going momentum that makes it very readable and fun. It's also rich with great details and character choices; the notion of Applejack inviting Twilight to post-training cider so often that Twilight scheduled it into her checklist is just perfect, and I also liked your brief but effective exploration of Applejack's anxiety over losing the Elements of Harmony, especially since the show's handling of it left me more than a touch unsatisfied.
I think my favorite touch, though, is how you handle the actual way Applejack tries to write her letter; after all, on the surface, it should be the easiest thing in the world for her, blunt and honest as she is. But you do a great job of making it feel believable that she would actually struggle with that very fact, of finding the right point between the honest truth of her feelings and the necessities of communicating them to Twilight that will make them come across the way she wants them to. It's a really strong hook for the story, and you make such great use of it both as a structural tool and as a character-building exercise, it's really great.
The whole thing is great, in fact. Fun, and pleasant, and intriguing, it's exactly the sort of Slice of Life I love most. ^_^
This was a very cute, enjoyable read, not to mention the first story I've read in 2015.
Safe to say that my reading's off to a great start this year.
I like how you showed a different side of the whole love process... the difficulty in actually getting it said, making it known... even when you suspect the other feels the same.
5451879 Don't you have to be thirteen to join?
5451879
You have to be 13 to join. Reported.
Textual note:
The shift into the passive voice here bothered me a bit, as did the extraneous-feeling commas.
I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.
As a whole, I thought you nailed it. There were some small errors here and there, but they didn't really detract from the story. Simple, sweet, and well done. 5/5
5451889
Not entirely to be condescending, but you're eleven years old. This isn't something you're even going to understand for awhile. When I was eleven, I thought I got pretty much everything. I got more than most, to be sure - I was a precocious little shit after all. But the intervening years showed me that until you experience the depth of a situation, and all that is attached to it - you never really know how to feel about it or its value. This ending speaks to people who've been in romantic relationships... granted, I was never the one to confess first, but it's honestly a bit more for an audience who's 'been there'. That might be why you aren't exactly getting it.
This is the only line I like of that song ^^
Anyway, very sweet story. Good pacing. I love it.
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Thanks very much, all y'all!
5453921
I tend to think of Twi and AJ as kinda the unofficial first- and second-in-command of the Mane Six, and I think that might show through a bit in my writing. I'm glad you liked the story, and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
5454021
You think so? Something like, I dunno, Twi and AJ exploring a romantic relationship or maybe having adventures or something like that?
5454085
I based a lot of the story around the idea that AJ's not so great with words and KNOWS she's not so great with words. But Twi's all about words, so AJ tries her best. (At least, that's what I tried to do.)
5454898
Aww, I'm glad you liked it so much. What a lovely and in-depth review, too. Thank you!
5454966
I am glad you found my story a fitting start to 2015. :) Happy new year!
5455782
Thanks for linking and for such detailed feedback! Really appreciate it, though of course I'm sorry to hear you found the story disappointing. I can definitely see a lot of your points. Need to think a bit on your comment about Twilight only showing she was receptive to AJ's feelings toward the end, because I'd actually tried to indicate AJ's feelings were reciprocated very early on. Hmm.
5455921
I really dig the whole song, but that's my fave line from it. It's also a line that is, as DerFurShur pointed out to me, rather TwiJacky, what with AJ being the singer and the talk of stars. :)
Perfect characterization, Perfect Pacing.
I have no words for how moving this story was to me. Right in the feels this one.
-T
Commence read.
Another cute story.
Anything that can still make me smile and feel that warm fuzzy feeling is worth a thumbs up.
Good story! Thank you.
Maybe now people will understand my love of TwiJack.
Great story!
5456340 As ever, happy t'be of service. ^w&
I think this is the first story I've very seriously considered recording myself reading aloud.
It may be a while before I get myself around to doing it and the quality may not be too great but I fully intend to try my hand at this Dramatic Reading thing.
My current uploads don't really have much in the way of varying voices but if you feel like hearing some of what I've recorded previously before I get this done search "Musings in Darkness" on Youtube.
reactiongifs.com/r/2012/11/standing-ovation.gif
Excellent piece, Good Author,
Succeeding is getting up one more time than falling down, and the final letter was the success.
Alright. I've had time now for the story to sink in, and clearly sleep is not in the cards for me tonight, so I think I'll dig a little deeper this time and tell you what I liked and what I was a little ambivalent to.
What I liked most will echo what many other people have said; the letter fragments are wonderful. Each iteration on what Applejack tries to write, and her way of stopping and working out why it doesn't work, the Applejack-ness of her reasoning in each scrapped letter, and the whole process itself being a subtle indication of the ways Twilight's rubbed off on her. It's beautiful. And it's a very good thing that this is the strongest part of the story, since it is sort of the main feature, being the source of the title and everything. I hesitate to use the word, 'gimmick,' but in my current state I lack the vocabulary to come up with a word that more accurately indicates the thing that most makes this story unique, so... uh, it is a good gimmick, and used well.
The weakest part of the story for me was the scene at Gustav's cafe. I don't know, it just doesn't feel like proper Mane Six banter to me. It has individual lines that shine, certainly, and the dialogue flows well enough, but... hm. I don't know what loses this scene for me, actually. It just feels off. Maybe it's that Applejack hadn't yet done anything that seemed quite overt enough to tip off the others as to her feelings. On that note, there'd been nothing, overt or not, from Twilight that felt like it could justify Rainbow's assessment that "Twi'd be into that, too." Yeah, thinking on it, I think most of my problems with this scene stem from the reMane Four making assumptions based on information we haven't seen them collect. Some amount of rumor-milling before they corner AJ on the issue would have done it some good.
All in all, the good points far outweigh the bad. You'll note that my favorite part of the story was a sweeping, systemic thing while the part that was a little off was just one isolated scene, so that should be an indication of just how much outweighing is going on. I stand by my first comment; I missed reading sweet, sappy shipfics from you.
5456340 Well, i like Slice of life and adoption stuff the most, but a few chapters for them having dates and stuff and later an adventure or Twilight illness and Applejack take care of her or something like that. I can´t think of something for an adventure right now, but i liked that story.
A story like that would be probably not that rare, but i liked the nervous Applejack, well if i can call that nervous.
Long story short, even if i can´t think of something right now, i would say this could be a big story, i don´t know if it should be a sequel or a Prequel, or you take that story as a pattern for the big story.
Well even if this already sound like you would do a sequel, i just wanted to actuating what i said, and yes i think i would like to read more about them.
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Aww, yay. Thanks. :)
5456819
I'd be honored if you did a reading!
5457709
Yup! Definitely the kind of view of success I could see AJ having--one that I tried to have Twi display here, too.
5457962
Gotcha. Thanks for explaining a bit further. Probably this won't be expanded or get a sequel, but I appreciate the feedback!
5457883
I'm glad you liked the letter-writing segments. And I know what you mean--I'm not sure gimmick is the exact word I'd use for it, but yeah, the story really does hang on those segments and was designed to do so. *nod*
And I just realized, based on what you said, that while I'd tried to hint at the beginning that Twi felt the same, perhaps unsuccessfully, even then that wouldn't let the readers know that the Mane Six knew too. I'm wondering if I couldn't have improved that section even just by adding some bit of talk at the beginning where the non-TwiJack portion of the Mane Six point out that Twilight and Applejack have been spending an awful lot of one-on-one time together lately, what's up with THAT, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
Thanks muchly!
For the longest time I've been struggling between the opposing powerhouses of Rarijack and Appledash, and now you have to go and throw this Twijack into the mix? Are you trying to kill me? I cannae take it! She's breaking up!
Seriously though, I adored this. It's beautiful. Great job. ^^