- Member Since 28th Sep, 2014
- offline last seen Dec 26th, 2019
Blitz Habanera Tuscania
Admin of the Prototype group and wants to be known as that one guy who writes the Prototype stuffs.
Blitz Habanera Tuscania
Joined 28th Sep, 2014 ·
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Huh, apart from some punctuation errors, I enjoyed it. You should get an editor and a proof reader, then it will be perfect. If you can't find one, I offer my services.
Good luck.
5508470 oh believe me I'd be more than happy to have a editor and/or proofreader, after all as the guy who wrote this I automatically fix the errors in my head.
Just read the Description, and damn. I have a hard time seeing this result in NOT a Bad End for ponykind. Alex or Heller on their own might be fight, but Heller is pretty vengence-focused, and would not leave Alex be.
Now, first chapter.
That is just wrong. However he could say that about New York.
Manehattan's skyscrapers are NOWHERE near as tall as New York's. I mean, check it.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140107224212/mlp/images/8/85/Manehattan_revealed_S4E08.png
Compare the size of those windows to the size of the buildings. I would place them maybe around 20 stories high. 40 pushing it. New York's iconic ones are way bigger.
Note, infected vision is not a actual vision, it works via the Hive Mind. he did get it while tapping into the Hive Mind after all.
CHAPTER 2/4/whatever (those blackbox thingies shouldn't be separate things)
Why the hell would a pony take a Selfie next to a dead thing?
Why steel? Carbon can make MUCH better armor, if you can manipulate it on the scale Alex can, and has his know-how.
Alright, that done, I'm quite curious what Alex was doing when he was "dead". Also, note, Teleportation is HARD for unicorns to do. Twilight didn't even think she would be able to pull it off in the first Episode, and she was Celestia's protege!
5510109 1 Thanks for the feedback, something that I prob should have pointed out I'd like earlier
2. The part where it says it's not this clean on earth, remember he thinks poorly of humans so he's gonna exagerate on what wrongdoings they've done
3.Been a while since I watched the Manehattan episode so that's a major oversight in my part which I can assure you I will rectify if I have the chance
4. I see infected vision as something he alone does now, he IS the virus so of course he'd have some way of seeing it
5. Trust me the black boxes are there for a reason which will become more evident towards the end
6.Truth be told I don't know... He's a reporter I 'spose
7. Mercer's armor always made me think of steel so I went with that.
8. Absorbing Blackwatch gave him the know-how on how to pilot a helicopter easy, so a crowd of ponies including a few unicorns one of whom specialized in teleportation? All that added together equals Mercer being quite competent and confident in teleporting. Plus I'm making the ponies a bit more how do you say... Badass.
Overall thanks for commenting friend!
5510279 4) I can go into a whole debate over that, and the difference between Alex and the other Evolved, and what it means to BE the Blacklight Virus. Personally, the only difference between them is how much power they got (Alex kept all the good genes), and personality, beyond that they are physically and functionally the same. If the Evolved had 2 years, and weren't kept on a tight leash by Alex, I see no reason they couldn't become as strong as him.
5)I'm going to assume Blackwatch are here too, but I didn't mean they shouldn't be there, they shouldn't be their own chapters. You could easily slap it onto the end of the other chapters.
8) Of course ALEX could do it, he's motherfuckin Alex. I meant unicorns. Very few unicorns (ratio wise) can teleport. In general, and this is cannon, they only learn magic related to their talent + Telekinesis.
I went into this story expecting nothing special...
I was pleasantly surprised.
I am wondering where you are going with the black box thing.
I also wonder how you are going to have the fight between Mercer and Heller not end in one of them dyeing yet, because there is still a lot more story to be told here.
5510864 I danka and hope to live up to your expectations
5510305 Very valid points... mmmm going to have to work on those bits.
Prototype in Equestria?
You sir (or miss) have my curiosity.
5517003 It's sir and I am quite glad to have your attention and hope to hold onto it come the next chapter
Doctor Archer is the evolved that controlled some of the infected, Sabrina Galloway was the one that could keep track of other evolved,-SPOILER- and Sabrina was consumed by Mercer.
I was reading too fast and didn't notice that it was just Alex being a derp
sorry about that
more please?
Interesting, more chapters plz?
5518788 oh... Well damn... Good thing I put a I think there huh?
5518816 May I ask what your deleted comment said?
5519418 I deleted it because my cruddy phone was being dumb, all it said was 'Uh-'
5519559 Oh... aight then, carry on with your bronying things
I don't think Heller is dead yet...
I have enjoyed your the story so far.
I know Prototype 2 might suggest otherwise, but Blackwatch's main objective was stopping the spread of bio weapons like Redlight and Blacklight. They were not really all that concerned with being dicks for the hell of it. They only were needlessly cruel in the second game just to make them look worst then Heller, the protagonist. (I think) you should turn Blackwatch back to its state in Prototype 1, and have them ally with the ponies to stop Mercer, it would add a bit more difficulty to Mercers plan then just Heller to deal with.
5519819 Valid point but if I remember correctly they weren't just combating the virus and trying to contain it, they were also modifying it for their own use. Well at least the Gentekies were. But I think you'd be happy to know they're not going to be the same as prototype 2
5519819 look at the prototype 1 trailer. They were docks then also.
5521439 Err what are you referring him to docks for? He's saying he hopes Blackwatch isn't the typical villains as usual
5521439
They were dicks so they could contain the Redlight outbreak. In Prototype 2, they were dicks for no justifiable reason.
5521463 true true.
5521450 GOD DAMN AUTO CORRECT!
5521517 Oh lol, my bad for calling ya out on that then.
5521520 didn't even notice it.
Awesome chapters you are doing a amazing job i can't wait to see the next chapter
5521903 Aw thank you, here I was thinking they were crap and yet everyone is giving me compliments.
Oh, I like this one.
This one suggests that they actually do hold something sacred: Their home.
And they will do anything to protect it.
5522061 :P
lol
love it
Great, now I want to play prototype 1 and 2.
5524680 Mission accomplished
You must have a lot of free time to pump out chapters this quick.
5524709 Not sure if insult or compliment... Either way the more people comment and more they ask the harder I work on things. Call me a changeling cause I feed on attention.
This was a little adorable and funny at the same time.
Well, Blackwatch has made an appearance, even if we don't know why they are in Equestria yet...
Hmm, awkwardness and cabnit rummaging?
5526126 Exactly
5526121 Obviously stealing exotic snacks and milk why else?
5526121
Magic!
I see a problem here. Those blackwatch soldiers still show actual humanity! You see, what they should be doing is beating the shit out of that little pony, and then eat the chocolate right in front of him.
Now that is a true Blackwatch soldier.
Whatever chapter you feel like writing.
Which every chapter you feel is the most necessary to the story.
5528339 lol I wanna know people's prefrences cause the next 3 chapters all happen at same time it's just a matter of perspective and how long until you see the action.
5528345 You and Jeremy are no help >_> lol fine, unless someone actually says what they want I'll 'spose I'll do my thing
5528349
I dunno, I think we're all fine with whatever.
I really don't know which one, I can't say, sorry.
You should decide, but if I had the choice, I would choose mercer, equestrian, then blackwatch.