... And it comes to the only conclusion this story possibly could... Well, actually that's not true at all. Camel and I kicked around a couple of possible outcomes, we just decided this was the most fun...

Anyway, in conclusion, Fuck you Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Rainbow Dash! (It's okay girls, I still love you outside of this story...)

I just knew this would happen :(

5372443 And I'm going to go ahead and assume that Thunderlane gets off scot-free.

5372684

Of course. He was simply helping Scootaloo the entire time, right?

5372716 I suppose, but what is up with you and using Thunderlane as a major bad guy anyway?

5372771

He's my scapegoat.

Damn, can't say I saw that coming. I'm usually good at predictions too. Haven't lost your skill with that dark tag either, well done.

No, No, you can't just end it there! WHY?!

5372871

Damn! Hardcore ending...not very satisfying, but hits hard and with no apologies. I'll give ya that much, heck of a way to go for poor Scoots. Alright then, I doubt it'll happen, but you know people are gunna want to see the aftermath and investigation, right? Will Thunderlane's actions ever come to light? Will Rainbow Dash realized how Scoots felt for her? And how will Sweetie Bell and Apple Bloom react to hearing of her death? So many other questions, but ultimately, those two ring the hardest. Anyway, nice work, hope to see more form you later on!

5373862

I strive for emotion in my reading, not just mindless clop. As for your questions;

you know people are gunna want to see the aftermath and investigation, right?

Eeyup

Will Thunderlane's actions ever come to light?

Nnope

Will Rainbow Dash realized how Scoots felt for her?

Nnope

And how will Sweetie Bell and Apple Bloom react to hearing of her death?

"...while a somber Pinkie Pie sat off to the side holding and hugging a sobbing Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom."

They saw her body.

5373876 Ah crap, must have skimmed over that sentence. Awe well...looks like RD lost her fan and sister after her best night ever. Was it worth it? If it was me, hell no. Her? ...some days I gotta wonder. As for Thunderlane...the fact he gets off scott free burns me, but that's life, what can ya do? Thanks for the reply, and hope things go well for ya.

5373971

Well, despite the hell of an ending, I'm glad you enjoyed yet another one of my (fucked up) pieces of work.

5373657

Honestly, the "good" endings weren't much better...

Not to be offensive. but I'm not entirely amused with how you ended it..

Okay Scootaloo committed suicide got that down, Let's go over somethings that I would've personally done. First of all extended this.. You ended it way to abruptly, if you wanted to be as dark as you could you should have at least brought it to the aftermath of the situation, a wake/mourn something were Rainbow Dash kisses her corpse saying I love you before they close the casket. Could have ended on a sweeter note then just "DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER" It was a good piece of work until about there.

Coming back to this post, I think a reappearance of Thunderlane at said wake would've made it a bit more interesting. My mind couldn't fathom what he would do at said wake. The rest of the CMC apologizing and making amends for their wrongfulness towards Scootaloo, The bellhop making his epic comeback, Anything I mean anything to make this go on would've been a better conclusion then Scootaloo doing deaths work.

Anyhay, I enjoyed reading made me get all emotional with Scootaloo but Eh..

Goodwork.

Meh. Passable story I guess. Have to say I was looking forward to Scoots getting seriously raped in this story and all we got was........ meh. The suicide isn't heartbreaking or even just sad if you can't find anything to like about the character. As a story by TheCamel, its a big fail compared to the others you've written.

5374189 I whole-heartedly agree.

That ending was a bit abrupt. Needs moar Scootabuse.

Heh, well then... Not exactly the kind of blowback I was expecting, but then we've collected a rather niche audience, haven't we love...?

5378286

Indeed... still happy with the results, though.

5372684

I gotta check my numbers, but I believe Thunderlane is now 6 for 8 in the "completely avoiding comeuppance" category in these stories...

5378432

Personally, I think it's kind of hilarious that the big gripe among people that bothered to respond is that you didn't go far enough.

5378601

Well, to be fair, I did cut the story short when compared to my previous stories. I also thought about diving into the possibility of necrofillia (see what I did there?).

5378596

Which do you count Broken Hearts and Diamonds as?

5378632

I'll count that as getting caught, even if it didn't actually happen...

5378966

What's the other one then?

5379435

Starfall, duh. He got it pretty good there... Hmm... Actually, maybe I should count that one twice...

5379451

Ah, of course.... silly me.

Camel whenever I read your stories they make me want to play Fallout: New Vegas, I don't know why.

Camel...why must ur stories always give me such a melancholy feeling. They depress me with their endings, but enthrall my love with ur amazing writing

Wow dark twist I like that good story by the way

An absolutely outstanding story! Especially the ending. The story is all around pleasing with the emotions of the characters and how they make you feel. I got an odd sense of satisfaction from the ending. Though, strangely enough, I hear Obi Wan Kenobi's voice ringing through my head, yelling "You were by Brother!". Still, all joking aside, I loved this story and look forward to more.

hey i just finished reading your story and it was good but the ending felt a little to hard as in it felt like there should have been more to it or get to see the after math of it and what comes out ....maybe a sequel *wink wink *

May I ask how old they are in the story? I would just like to know, is all.

The ending was far too depressing, I would say that there could have been a better ending than just killing Scootaloo off, there could have been so much more if you hadn't have done a suicide ending.

*The Theme to Mafia 2 start's to play as we fade to credits...*
The most melancholic theme..

Well, so rarely do I ever follow authors on here, as I tend to rarely ever find authors worth following. But you, my friend? You're worth following.

So, yeah. I'm following you now. How does that make you feel?

Well that ended rather.... Well It was actually a good ending for this considering everything...

Ah Thunderlane, you fucked up another life once again...

Who else but Thunderlane?
*who else but quagmire theme starts playing*

I demand more Thunderlane shenanigans!
(as if I needed to ask )

5429492

Psst, over here.

There may or may not be two more Thunderlane going after the Crusaders stories in the works. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle haven't suffered anything especially terrible lately so...

Anyway, you didn't hear that from me...

5430635
Oh I get ya.
*wink*
*nod*
*Nudge*
*Other wired gestures*

5430635

Oh you are SO getting punished...

Man this ending is too depressing

two things
1.Alteruntal ending
2.squel

5401875 according to the site rules 18+ for this kind of story

f*ck this sh*t im out...ohhh.f*uck this sh*t im out....don't mind me I just get my sh*t and leave ...ohhhhh

Someone turn the lights back in....shit got dark...

So I've read most of your other stories and loved them but this one is just too dark for my tastes. This is coming from a guy who was disappointed by the lack of penetrative rape. I mean, goddamn.

seriously she kills herself that doesn't realy make much sence in my oppinion
she might feel like she lost everything and went through a lot for nothing but still, you don't kill yourself over that

First off I don't get how people call this dark I've read a lot worse and secondly why kill scootaloo I'm all for scootabuse but killing her really

The ending was just bad, and why does Thunderlane always get away?