This is my alternate ending to Pegasus Device By: AuroraDawn
Rainbow Dash is faced with a choice, she can get everypony killed or try to make amends with the ghost of a mare that should be dead.
Absentia has her hooves on the liquid thunder valve ready to throw it open and end it all. End all of the lives in the room. But is that what she really wants?
You will need to read Pegasus Device. My story picks up in chapter four.
This is the first story I ever wrote. Please, let me know what you think.
Chapters (5)
Pretty good story, but it feels like everything is happening too fast.
5325428 It was happening fast in my head. This being the first story I had ever written (about six or seven weeks ago) I wasn't sure how to slow things down. I'm still not sure how I would do it even now.
Thanks for the feedback!
So many views with just one comment. Is this alternate ending really that bland?
Please keep going! I have to know how it ends!!
6952301
I'm glad that you're liking the story. With no real comments to speak of I wasn't even sure if I was going to continue it or not.
Between home stuff, editing, and coloring... I, believe it or not, have been working on the next chapter. It's close to a possible chapter ending, maybe, but the story isn't close to the end yet. That's all the spoilers that I'll give away for now.
Thank you so much! You've made me a very happy pony!
6955618 Ooh! I can't wait!
I don't get why this story has so little views and reviews...I think it's pretty good, but like Lightning Gear said, maybe it is a little too rushed...But still, I thought it would have a little more likes.
Well, I for one want to see what happens next. Hope you don't abandon this story for lack of views...
Realistically, there should definitely be resentment toward Rainbow from the other 5 when they find out what she's been doing all these years.
I also think that there should be some emotional trauma left on scootaloo in some way or another...she may be able to hide it on the outside, but she should be having recurring nightmares or something...I mean, all the stuff she went through twenty years ago, AND being in that main theatre room for those twenty years would push anyone into insanity, if not, it would definitely leave them with permanent damage in one way or another.
Hope to see more soon!
7184649
Thank you for your interest! I for one am just ecstatic that this has ONLY likes. The views don't bother me either. I do want to see this through to some kind of an end so I won't be abandoning it. I do feel really bad because this story hasn't been flowing as easily for me as I would've liked and now that ponies are wanting more... (Oh! The pressure!)
It seems to only come in small bursts so it takes a while for a chapter to come together. Corona's part is like my Achilles heel. It'll work itself out I guess.
I have two stories that I'm working on right now besides this one, plus three that have come almost to a complete stop. I'm taking a break and hopefully I can get back to all of them soon.
*Gasp* Resentment? Emotional trauma? Whaa? From my happy ending to Pegasus Device? *double gasp*
1) Scootaloo doesn't commit suicide. 2) Dash gets her little sister back and her sanity. 3) No more killing at the factory!
Everybody wins!
It's beautiful.
Well, we'll see where it goes. *flashes the giving nothing away cheesy full teeth smile*
7188082 I'm not saying scootaloo should commit suicide, I'm just saying if you want a realistic story, it's only fitting that there would be some trauma on scootaloo's part.
there would also be resentment towards Dash. The main 5 are definitely capable of resentment. We saw that in the Anon-A-Miss comic.
But whatever you do, I'll be following this story.
A-Mazing
7281238
Thank you! You're too kind!
i1.wp.com/typewriter.percivalconstantine.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/batman.jpg?fit=200%2C283
7625585 Chapter nine is written, it just needs a little love and caressing.
Two other stories have started taking a lot of my time. And I've decided that I'm not going to post anymore until my stories are complete because having people wait on me for the next chapter sucks for everyone. It pressures me and you get frustrated... It's just not good.
Plus, I've been trying to edit a friend's story. Then, add real life stuff to that and...
Anyway. Sorry that chapter nine isn't out yet. I'll try harder.
This is one of those fics that I want to read (especially since I loved Rainbow Factory and liked Pegasus Device), but the fact that it both hasn't been updated in almost a year AND is currently on hiatus make me feel like it won't ever get completed, and I don't like tracking fics that I don't think will ever be finished.
Well, i found myself reading this anyway.
For a while, i just kept rereading chapters 4-6, since they felt like a complete story, but today i read the rest.
And now i really can't wait for chapter 9.
8109305
I apologize. I’ve been absent for quite awhile due to real life taking me away from writing. I missed any notifications that there had been comments to this, or any other, story.
I’m glad you like it. I put it on hiatus because chapter nine wrung me out just to get it finished. It’s not as good as I think it should/could be and that’s why it’s not posted yet. I’m not saying that the story’s never going to be finished. I still have hope. There’s a certain character’s story line that is totally alluding me and it’s making the rest of the story suffer because I don’t want to have them just disappear or try and write them out.
Not to mention, I had three or four other stories pouring out of my brain (none of those are complete either) while trying to muscle through chapter nine. If you’re still interested, pm me. I’ll try to get you a link to my gdoc.
9115047
Actually, you already sent me ch. 9, or at least what you had at the time, 3 days after I had made that comment.
I PM'ed back with a response saying that I liked what was there so far.
9115053
Wow! I knew I had someone look at it, but I couldn’t remember who that was. I’m sorry. That’s what happens when you get old and the CRS (can’t remember shit) kicks in.
Needless to say there’s been no further progress on the story or the chapter. I’ve been through it a couple of times since then and it’s lacking something but I’m not sure of what. Probably someone that can actually write. Lol
9115075
It doesn't seem like it's really lacking anything to me, but maybe send it to a few more people just in case.
I have to say I have enjoyed this alternative happier take on this story. And it sounds like you finished chapter 9 and if it was as great as these last five chapters, I'm sure it is also amazing. So will you be publishing it, or are you trying to do some more chapters first, then start posting them?
This is a pretty good story, I like this ending.
I see that its not complete and I really want to read more, I hope you upload more chapters