• Member Since 9th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 25th, 2013

Gijake1


Comments ( 38 )

Dark? Meh, guess I'll risk it. :applejackunsure:

510052


Trust me, the dark is going to be very, VERY, light.

510057 Ok. :scootangel: (Prepares to have mind shattered. :trollestia:)

:moustache: I'm already depressed...
This is good writing but it's still a sad fic.

Childishness is a natural state for the young of heart and an illness for the mature of mind.
The world of the infantile is bright in a porcelain way.
Opaque, quaint, polished by caring hands and secure in a sterility that is caustic to intellectual awareness.
Good work...but now I'm sad
i.imgur.com/0BEn0.jpg

510084


Sad? :pinkiegasp:

I never actually thought of it that way....

Well, it's best to enjoy the world childhood is when your young.

As for a head canon fact here,
Cartoon characters never age in my eyes. So Spike gets to enjoy the wonders of childhood as long as possible.

And so what if maturation escapes the mind? Kiddies are supposed to enjoy the unawareness that is the real world.

510159

......


......


.....

Uuuhhh...

:twilightblush:

510167

:rainbowlaugh:
okay I'm done... I was just pullin' your leg, Bruh!!!!

I'll be checkin' this story out when you update it.
it'll be nice to see how you tackle Spike growing up...

:moustache:

Stay cool,homie.

I'm out to work on my own fic. Check it out whenever, bruh!

Hmm, I'm not sure about this. :applejackunsure: The best parts were when Spike was playing, but I sense this suffers from a lack of writing experience? On the other hand, some of the errors/poor writing could have been on purpose judging by the tone of the story, so I am a little confused. :rainbowhuh: I'll withhold judgement until I get a response.

510199

Errors? Could you point them out for me?

Also, I have had SOME experience.... But I don't think I have much. I took a break for a bit, so I may be a bit "rusty".


EDIT:

Spike's stories is actually his own "fiction" as I should call it, where he is the "strongest" thing alive, and can win the girl with ease, if that is where you are going with this.

510208

Your use of italics and bold is good enough,but that one line: dun!dun!duuuun! really doesn't need the underline, though I understand how you want to give it a nice touch for effect.

"No, Spike! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!" Sorry, that's just what I thought when I first saw it. :derpytongue2:

510208 Well, I'm on a HTPC with a somewhat limited interface atm, but I'll grab a few examples.

"That doesn't matter right now. It was time to play."

Switched from present to pass tense inappropriately. There are some instances of this.

""SPIKE! It's time for dinner!" Twilight yelled down into the basement. Spike grumbled about being interrupted. He wanted to play more. Twilight sat a large bowl of gemstones down for Spike to eat, hoping he would spend his time eating it. But instead, he wolfed it all down in a matter of seconds. Baby Dragons gotta play, Twi. Spike then walked back donwstairs, and Twilight felt a bit ignored.

She wouldn't mind hanging out with Spike like she did before he started loving his collection of figurines. She sighed as he poked her fork around in her salad. Spike then thought it was time to resume, but then, make the story a bit more interesting."

This whole exchange is awkward. It suffers "this then that" writing, and I found it off-putting the way you switched back and forth between Spike and Twilight after Spike left the room.

"He then walks upstairs to the bathroom, and brushes his teeth. Twilight stood in the doorway and watched Spike. "Wut?" Spike talked through his toothpaste."

Again, past/present tense mixing.

"Oh, so your the baby dragon that is getting married?"

Should be "you're". There were some other spelling errors like that and an "and" where there should have been an "an".

So, anyway, the story's writing is kind of childish, but I can't tell if that's on purpose (Like, as if childish Spike wrote it) or not. If that's what you're trying to pull off, it would work better if, ever now and then, you juxtaposed that writing with a more adult perspective (Twilight or a narrator) or if you establish somehow that Spike is telling the tale. If that was not on purpose, then ... :facehoof:

I do like it, although there isn't much to go off of so far. I certainly won't be clicking the thumbs down. :twilightsheepish:

510362

"Oh, so your the baby dragon that is getting married?"

That one was done on purpose. Spike's stories are not supposed to be "perfect" but with a few mistakes.

But, mostly, yes, the story DOES have a perspective from Spike, so the thing is supposed to be childish.

...

(It's also an excuse because I rushed just a tad, I need to stop doing that.) :trollestia:

510405 :rainbowlaugh: Nice image.

So yeah, put on your best writers cap and do the most elegantly written Twilight's perspective as possible juxtaposed to this, and my rating would go up several stars. :duck:

Or, cop out with "Hi. I'm Spike, and this is my story. :moustache: " and get +1 star. :facehoof:

510405
If you need a proof reader, I'll be hanging around from time to time. you can just pm me.

For now, rereading every paragraph you type will save you a lot of time and stress. I'm still learning that myself.

MLP characters playing with MLP figurines?

static.fjcdn.com/comments/mind+blown+_eeedd03c9ec6701049dbeff4464320ff.jpg

Even more so, nobody seems to give a sh*t. :yay::trollestia:

MLP characters playing with MLP figurines?

static.fjcdn.com/comments/mind+blown+_eeedd03c9ec6701049dbeff4464320ff.jpg

Even more so, nobody seems to give a sh*t. :yay::trollestia::rainbowwild::twilightsmile::duck:

the miz theme: AWESOME!!

XD anyways keep up to good work con-rad :moustache:

Now this is just silly.
And that's a good thing.

Oh that is so cute spike playing with figures I just wanna snuggle snuggle snuggle..... ahem I l just go stand in the corner. :rainbowderp:

522938 I've gotta stand in a corner and you get to shuffle forget this mess *Shuffles* :trollestia:

is there a second chapter?

529337

I've created the second chapter, yet I haven't written anything in it yet.

tell mom to leave you alone spike!!!

lol also, wheres my darkness I was promised darkness XD.

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