I see a string of well-calculated and small but perfectly humiliating victories coming to fruition. With the two bright ladies back among those who love them, and the Crystal Heart radiating from its focal point against everything wrong in the empire, shit has come to a needle's point for the Caribou... and Dainn. Let that bastard be tortured more even before he is captured.
Sorry for not being able to help with the Gdoc, Ekh, I got caught up in other stuff and then my monitor started leaking some black viscous grease from the AC socket It's completely fried. The most I can do right now is leave you with some advice:
Don't just say characters do something "easily", "slowly", "instantly" or, god forbid, "effortlessly". Explain why the task is being performed that way, give out as many details as you can think up as the scene happens inside your author head. For example, someone doing something slowly is either doing it methodically or with supreme effort, while an extremely quick action turns the world around the performer of the quick action into a blur, be it from speed or sheer concentration.
As for criticism of the chapter itself, I have two: 1. Soarin slamming his pommel into Celly's gut would have taken her breath out and likely stunned her from pain, not knock her out. To hit someone into unconsciousness with a hit to the belly, you'd have to hit hard enough to rupture some organs. 2. Spike can't say he mastered the Heart's abilities, because there's no precedent that allows him to say that for sure. Only you, as the 3rd person omniscient narrator, would know he mastered it, but you are not Spike, no matter how much of the text is his inner thoughts or spoken lines. At best he can say he trained and focused and developed those powers until he felt he couldn't go any further, and any alumni worth their salt know that means they've reached the end of the branch but that doesn't mean they know the whole tree.
I'm a little saddened that Ginna has to be put down, same for thousands that are victims to Dainn and his treachery....
As action-packed as this chapter was. I have to say that it was the scene where it was shown that the Princesses were freed, and even better a few paragraphs later it showed that Celestia showed signs that she was gonna be okay, for the most part...and that Luna is back to be the Princess of the Night as well... Seriously, the fact that Celestia and Luna were rescued and not shown to be blanked or murdered, and that they can be nursed to somewhat normal makes the entire story for me.
I understand that Spike pretty much gave up his life as a martyr as 'compensation' for him pretty much brutally slaughering the caribou race to the point of extinction, but still part of me hopes that there is some way for Spike to actually live. But I can understand where he says that the only thing that everything that really helps is that Spike pays for what he did to the caribou, regardless of whether it was right or just based on the circumstances. It's almost like Spike's saying "We know that the caribou was a monstrous beast, but so am I, and for the safety of Equestria, all mostruous beasts must be destroyed, including myself. There is no way that I could repent for all the sins I have done. Death is ultimately what I deserve."
Finally an update. Now we end this once and for all! Yeah go hero cliche!!! Update soon and I'm curious upon whether Spike is truly dying or is going to die.
I see a string of well-calculated and small but perfectly humiliating victories coming to fruition. With the two bright ladies back among those who love them, and the Crystal Heart radiating from its focal point against everything wrong in the empire, shit has come to a needle's point for the Caribou... and Dainn. Let that bastard be tortured more even before he is captured.
Sorry for not being able to help with the Gdoc, Ekh, I got caught up in other stuff and then my monitor started leaking some black viscous grease from the AC socket It's completely fried. The most I can do right now is leave you with some advice:
Don't just say characters do something "easily", "slowly", "instantly" or, god forbid, "effortlessly". Explain why the task is being performed that way, give out as many details as you can think up as the scene happens inside your author head. For example, someone doing something slowly is either doing it methodically or with supreme effort, while an extremely quick action turns the world around the performer of the quick action into a blur, be it from speed or sheer concentration.
As for criticism of the chapter itself, I have two:
1. Soarin slamming his pommel into Celly's gut would have taken her breath out and likely stunned her from pain, not knock her out. To hit someone into unconsciousness with a hit to the belly, you'd have to hit hard enough to rupture some organs.
2. Spike can't say he mastered the Heart's abilities, because there's no precedent that allows him to say that for sure. Only you, as the 3rd person omniscient narrator, would know he mastered it, but you are not Spike, no matter how much of the text is his inner thoughts or spoken lines. At best he can say he trained and focused and developed those powers until he felt he couldn't go any further, and any alumni worth their salt know that means they've reached the end of the branch but that doesn't mean they know the whole tree.
And with that, the streets of the Crystal Empire became rivers of blood. You never disappoint. Looking forward to the exciting conclusion.
I'm a little saddened that Ginna has to be put down, same for thousands that are victims to Dainn and his treachery....
As action-packed as this chapter was. I have to say that it was the scene where it was shown that the Princesses were freed, and even better a few paragraphs later it showed that Celestia showed signs that she was gonna be okay, for the most part...and that Luna is back to be the Princess of the Night as well... Seriously, the fact that Celestia and Luna were rescued and not shown to be blanked or murdered, and that they can be nursed to somewhat normal makes the entire story for me.
I understand that Spike pretty much gave up his life as a martyr as 'compensation' for him pretty much brutally slaughering the caribou race to the point of extinction, but still part of me hopes that there is some way for Spike to actually live. But I can understand where he says that the only thing that everything that really helps is that Spike pays for what he did to the caribou, regardless of whether it was right or just based on the circumstances. It's almost like Spike's saying "We know that the caribou was a monstrous beast, but so am I, and for the safety of Equestria, all mostruous beasts must be destroyed, including myself. There is no way that I could repent for all the sins I have done. Death is ultimately what I deserve."
Just simply claps silently.
Dude, you need an editor. I like the story and all, but you need to track someone down.
The countdown has begun.
Finally an update.
Now we end this once and for all! Yeah go hero cliche!!!
Update soon and I'm curious upon whether Spike is truly dying or is going to die.
;-; I've missed your updating... I'm happy to see you're still around, finishing your story.
Let the games begin
more please!
Took me a bit to psyche myself up to read the last two chapters but I must say excellent work!
kill all the caribou kill kill kill kill kill
Wooo, the sisters are saved. And I like the scene where everyone kneeled, even for changelings they're a symbol.
The crystal empire rises!
Finally! Celestia and Luna are free! VICTORY FOR EQUESTRIA!!!!!! Now let's get this show on the road.
KILL THEM ALL SPIKE!!! MAKE THE CARIBOU PAY!!!
9176018
No podrĂa haberlo dicho mejor