Such delicious worldbuilding.

Looking forward to the absolutely inevitable epic one-sided battle.

How do they supply food to a city built in the middle of a freaking desert? I have a feeling hunting parties won't cut it...

1500504coal trade for steamtech and other things would be a way to afford food. Griffon airships and all that jazz.

Woo! I'm happy to see that this has updated! The story is getting really exciting now.

1597279 I liked the beginning(chapter 1-4, especially sudden shift in tone in 4th chapter, where Chrissy kills dogs), but honestly, from 5th chapter story diverts to something strange: Sinisteed sudden feelings for FS were very contrived, Cadance is slutty, Twiley is obnoxious. From second half of current chapters(5-10) I liked chapter 7(especially shield spell scene)
Good action scenes(as in ch.4) are gone and Trixies and Machinery(8-10) adventures are too slow paced and don't have enough of action.

1597315

Ouch. Well, I did ask - and incidentally, anybody is very welcome to offer criticism of this type. I appreciate it.

I'll try and get my chapter four mojo back for the action scenes that are coming up - and I can try to punch up 8-10 a bit. There's certainly no excuse for being boring.

I guess that you don't like the slutty Cadance and obnoxious Twiley? I was shooting for the ridiculous, ridiculously adorable Twi from the test episode (also, somewhat from the crystal empire episodes of season three). Cadance... well, a little bit Rule of Funny, but also that I'm trying to tell a more adult story, and she's a particular character in a particularly stressful situation. Admittedly, I don't know any actual women who would've acted this way even in those circumstances. It hasn't quite worked?

Sinisteed/FS related spoiler: Sinisteed's feelings for FS are supposed to be contrived - he's under a form of stare-induced mind-control. Not that she'd intended that. She just very badly wants to be loved.

Also, if anyone has strong feelings, then there's the open chance to join those kind souls who pre-read for Madame Butterfly for me - whereupon I'll basically let you boss me around like an editor would. Just PM me with an account I can share a googledoc with.

Yours,

Jon

Your story is 100% concentrated awesome! Well written, very well told and really well thought out. I really like what you made of the characters.

1597366

I am a little tempted by this offer, I do enjoy editing, and would be proud to be associated with something like this; but at the moment I am busy with RL things; so instead I will just complement you on the story. It is a great concept, I like Sinisteed and Chrysalis both; and keep up the good work.

1867806

I can honestly say that I did not think of that. Also, imponysonate - if it appears otherwise anywhere, that's an error. Also, also, thank you for commenting on every chapter! I hadn't realised that this would make an author feel special, but it does! I shall adopt this policy immediately.

Yours,

JoE

1867881 A trend I notice in the comment sections, people stop commenting. I don't really understand why, I mean if there is a chapter ahead you should usually be able to take the time to leave a proper comment. Occasionally you get caught up but still...

It's been too long since there was an update, I really like your brand of humor. Also, how to deal with dragon...
A) Kill dog. He is obviously missing---trouble
B) Knock out and hide dog. Obviously missing, might wake up and cause trouble sooner than A
C) Bribe/threaten dog, might work, probably not. Fallback on A or B if necessary.
D) Imponysonate dog after A or B. Trixie finds out truth (kinda sorta, she doesn't know what a changeling is, Chrysalis doesn't know that she doesn't know) only helps Chrysalis move freely (unless if you do the whole fake prisoner thing) Problem: Dog's characteristics unknown. Might be expected to remain on train.

1887292 I got caught up in the line edits and didn't say enough about the good parts. Eating Celestia out of the cocoon, Sinisteed's alien way of thinking, for example.

The main challenge is that you have funny parts and grim parts bumping up against each other. The flavor of humor you're using isn't the kind that fits with grimdark. I think you need to choose which will dominate and direct the story, and signal that to the reader in chapter 1.

1887313>>1887313

Don't worry - you paid me a rather extreme compliment anyway, by even reading beyond chapter one, since the promise was only for some thousand words.

Besides, the clear identification of the change of tone heading into chapter 4 is very valuable to me - I need to think about ways to fix that. Although it was, and is, intended to deal with an 'adventure' plot, it is suppose to retain its humour somewhat in the style of Pratchett (although of course I don't compare myself to, etc).

Yours,

JoE

Its sad this story is dead. It was enjoyable!
I would love for more, but I know its unlikely.

2644253
Dead?

2789148

Well, I can't say for certain if it is dead or not, but seeing as it's been 7 months since the last update, it is likely.

2789161
Blast! I wanted to see more sinsteed. Maybe the Hiatus tag was forgotten?

2792383
I really hope that it isn't dead, because I want to see more as well, but it seems likely that it is.

M-More please... Um. If you dont mind that is?

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