Well, I was implying the end of the chapter, and that the moment Chrysalis catches Trixie, the real Trixie will know Chrys is a fake. She may be gullible as heck on account of being a miserable, lonely little filly, but she's certainly not an idiot. Unicorns can't fly.
902600 but unicorns who stole the power of an Alicorn after fighting their version of Celestia and became an Alicorn which might have possibly blown a hole into reality to trixie's world can! if you stick with chrysie's story that is...meh Sinisteed feels the love! ow
902600 Well, unless they cast that one spell Twilight used on Rarity that gives them shiny... insect-like... wings. Huh, I wonder if it was influenced by changeling magic, between the flesh-crafting and the insect features. Of course, neither Trixie nor Chrysalis may be aware of that spell and not knowing it means Chrysalis can't demonstrate casting it on others.
Also, the Flutteryshy-Sinisteed interactions have been great, if a trifle unclear at points (this chapter helped clarify just what happened immensely and makes one wonder why Fluttershy's cutie mark isn't the hypno-eye).
Love the story, but could use a lot less sinisteed. I honestly don't know what people like about him. OC's, changeling or not, should not be paired with any of the mane six and be avoided with BG ponies.
914197 Can't tell if sarcastic or not, but I really do enjoy the story. Can't wait for more (but seriously. Much less Sinisteed considering I still can't see how he is important to the plot at all.)
Non-sarcastic. I have my own doubts about Sinisteed in and from a variety of directions. If you can be more precise as to what you dislike, and when those elements came into the story (I've gradually made more of him in later chapters, in part due to positive feedback regarding him), then that would be even more helpful.
It may be worth noting at this point that I posted this story in the 'author feedback' group, so quite detailed critiques are welcome. Certainly anyone is welcome to chip in with their opinion of Sinisteed.
JMH
Edit: Need sleep. Way past this little pony's bedtime. Although it'd be nice to have this as a realtime discussion, it's almost 2am local, and I'm going to bed. Goodnight, everybrony.
914403 It's not him specifically, like personality-wise or anything like that, it's just that he doesn't seem to have any purpose, kind of like an OC just to have an OC. He hasn't done anything to warrant use in the story other than a mishap with Cadance and to question 23487563498576234985623948763286293845693 times who his queen should be. And, while the mishap was kinda silly, neither seem to be important to the progression of the story (plus the scenes where you have him are relatively difficult to follow. Hard to explain why, but they are.) And, as I said in my previous post, OC's should not be shipped with mane six or the princesses ( I don't know if that's what is actually going to happen or not, but it is definitely heavily implied.)
Other than that, there's a few grammatical and spelling errors that I noticed (too lazy to go back and search them out individually), but not enough to truly detract from the story. The scene's with Trix And Chrys are by far the best. The show of Trixie's desperation for companionship and Chrys' growing attatchment (even if she doesn't want to admit it) make for an interesting story. For an alternative for Sinisteed (if you can't find a way to make him truly plot-required), try using one of the mane six, a BG pony, or the princesses to tell of the happenings in Canterlot.
The most detailed and thought out review I've ever written (I hate critiquing) Peppy~
916515 OC's should not be shipped with mane 6 is your opinion. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's bad. I do agree with Sinisteed not doing anything useful. I just hope that all the things he's doing now will serve a purpose later.
917412 It is generally bad. 90% of all OC's are self-insert characters and are frowned upon by author's who use OC's to progress story-line where a main character could not, especially when set-up in a romance situation. Not saying Sinisteed is a self-insert, but sticking in an OC to ship them would be the equivalent of a peasant attempting to marry royalty in the medieval times.
I should also mention that I am not the only one to think this. It tends to make a lot of decent-good fanfiction go sour.
Oh wow. I truthfully did not at all see that one coming.
And then Trixie meets Chrysalis.
For better or worse (probably the latter)
902497
Arrgh. I hadn't meant to imply that Trixie knows Chrysalis isn't another Trixie, so I went back and changed something, 1984 style.
902556
Well, I was implying the end of the chapter, and that the moment Chrysalis catches Trixie, the real Trixie will know Chrys is a fake. She may be gullible as heck on account of being a miserable, lonely little filly, but she's certainly not an idiot. Unicorns can't fly.
902600
True, though I wouldn't count on it to pay off for several chapters. Chrysalis's lie is gradually becoming more and more unworkable.
JMH
Sinisteed is amazing.
ow
903010
Indeed he is.
Ow.
And Fluttershy is a manipulative bitch. She stared him into loving her. That's so wrong, there's not even a word to descibe how wrong it is.
Ow.
I'll tell you this, "ow," is going to become a partial meme by the time this story is over.
Ow.
I guarantee it.
902600 but unicorns who stole the power of an Alicorn after fighting their version of Celestia and became an Alicorn which might have possibly blown a hole into reality to trixie's world can!
if you stick with chrysie's story that is...meh
Sinisteed feels the love!
ow
Sinisteed is great. XD
GAZE INTO THE ow-BYS!
902600
Well, unless they cast that one spell Twilight used on Rarity that gives them shiny... insect-like... wings. Huh, I wonder if it was influenced by changeling magic, between the flesh-crafting and the insect features. Of course, neither Trixie nor Chrysalis may be aware of that spell and not knowing it means Chrysalis can't demonstrate casting it on others.
Also, the Flutteryshy-Sinisteed interactions have been great, if a trifle unclear at points (this chapter helped clarify just what happened immensely and makes one wonder why Fluttershy's cutie mark isn't the hypno-eye).
you shall love me
Love the story, but could use a lot less sinisteed. I honestly don't know what people like about him. OC's, changeling or not, should not be paired with any of the mane six and be avoided with BG ponies.
913304
Hey,
Thanks! That's helpful.
Yours,
JMH
914197 Can't tell if sarcastic or not, but I really do enjoy the story. Can't wait for more (but seriously. Much less Sinisteed considering I still can't see how he is important to the plot at all.)
914306
Hey,
Non-sarcastic. I have my own doubts about Sinisteed in and from a variety of directions. If you can be more precise as to what you dislike, and when those elements came into the story (I've gradually made more of him in later chapters, in part due to positive feedback regarding him), then that would be even more helpful.
It may be worth noting at this point that I posted this story in the 'author feedback' group, so quite detailed critiques are welcome. Certainly anyone is welcome to chip in with their opinion of Sinisteed.
JMH
Edit: Need sleep. Way past this little pony's bedtime. Although it'd be nice to have this as a realtime discussion, it's almost 2am local, and I'm going to bed. Goodnight, everybrony.
914403 It's not him specifically, like personality-wise or anything like that, it's just that he doesn't seem to have any purpose, kind of like an OC just to have an OC. He hasn't done anything to warrant use in the story other than a mishap with Cadance and to question 23487563498576234985623948763286293845693 times who his queen should be. And, while the mishap was kinda silly, neither seem to be important to the progression of the story (plus the scenes where you have him are relatively difficult to follow. Hard to explain why, but they are.) And, as I said in my previous post, OC's should not be shipped with mane six or the princesses ( I don't know if that's what is actually going to happen or not, but it is definitely heavily implied.)
Other than that, there's a few grammatical and spelling errors that I noticed (too lazy to go back and search them out individually), but not enough to truly detract from the story. The scene's with Trix And Chrys are by far the best. The show of Trixie's desperation for companionship and Chrys' growing attatchment (even if she doesn't want to admit it) make for an interesting story. For an alternative for Sinisteed (if you can't find a way to make him truly plot-required), try using one of the mane six, a BG pony, or the princesses to tell of the happenings in Canterlot.
The most detailed and thought out review I've ever written (I hate critiquing)
Peppy~
916515
Good to know, thanks! I'll try to address at least some of these.
JMH
916515
OC's should not be shipped with mane 6 is your opinion. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's bad.
I do agree with Sinisteed not doing anything useful. I just hope that all the things he's doing now will serve a purpose later.
917412 It is generally bad. 90% of all OC's are self-insert characters and are frowned upon by author's who use OC's to progress story-line where a main character could not, especially when set-up in a romance situation. Not saying Sinisteed is a self-insert, but sticking in an OC to ship them would be the equivalent of a peasant attempting to marry royalty in the medieval times.
I should also mention that I am not the only one to think this. It tends to make a lot of decent-good fanfiction go sour.
Queen of the changelings, defeated by a wave of love? Nope - bucketwheel.
ΔΓ
I want more.
DO MOAR
1173634>>974285
Status Update: Trixie, why you so hard to write?
Calling it (24 weeks late) That was taken from Dresden.
OW!!!! WHAT THE BUCK IS WRONG WITH MY HEAD?!?