Hey you.
Yes you. Come closer.
See this lovely stallion behind me? Those are custom-made wheels right there. And that seat? Pure velvet, imported from the Griffin Kingdom.
Still not convinced? This stainless steel frame can take the weight of five thousand ponies. Why would you need that many ponies on one bike? We don’t care, we did it anyway!
For just the low low price of ninety-nine, ninety-nine bits, this beautiful beast can be all yours.
And what’s more, order today and receive your own ‘Tirek Bell’. Now you can drain your enemies magic as you pass by them!
Order now
Co-authored with Warewolves. An awesome writer who you should totally check out! Do it >_<
Chapters (1)
... is the atrocious spelling of Tirek's name intentional?
5125382 I'm going to say yes.
There's a lot of spelling and grammatical errors.
5125406
You've obviously never seen a mordane chapter before star sends it to the proofreaders.
What? What is this?
5125499 Horse words.
I wonder what was on Celestia's bike to send him free...maybe a free cake dispenser?
For some reason, a fact that make this funnier to me:
In real life, whenever a store or a restaurant I like close in the region I live, it seems there is 100% chance that a bike store will open a day or two later to replace it. Always almost simultaneously with it closing. And it's always a dumb bike store. Even if there's already fifteen bike stores around.
This fic is total random non-sense. Yet I like it. Bah.
You must have spiked the text with cyber catnip, you meanie.
You know, I was reading this story and couldn't help but notice the countless spelling errors that made me ask myself, "Does this guy even know what proofreading is?" However, as I continued with the story I grew more fond of it. Anyone who stockpiles perfectly timed references to THe Princess Bride, Lord of the Rings, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and The Empire Strikes Back is more than deserving of my praise.
ksrcollege.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Blue.jpg
5127953 I do really....I'm just terrible at it.
I better get someone to edit it.
5127972 Aaaaaand, we have a volunteer.
5127972
Yes you are, it's totally not my fault.
I see... Well, there is only one man who can counter Tirek's evil merchandising and "replace don't repair" advertising campaign.
5132605
He's doomed, he can't top that.
5125416 What's a mordane chapter, and who is star?
5127972 I'll edit it too. And it's spelled T-i-r-e-k.
5132605 What does the writing in the icon for your avatar say?
5408983
Spike Von Lipvig and Rarity Belle Dearheart, if you're a fan of Sir Terry Pratchett's superb Discworld novels then you should get the reference, and if you aren't then you should be.
wow, he actually sold a glove to a snake.
I love the references so much.
To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Tirek’s Bikes. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Twiligh’s nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into her characterisation- her personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Tirek’s Bikes truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Tirek’s existential catchphrase "No Refunds," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Star Gazer’s genius wit unfolds itself on their Computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them.
And yes, by the way, i DO have a Tirek’s Bikes tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid