Twilight hasn't been feeling right lately.
(Special thanks to Warewolves for the cover image!)
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 29th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen 18 hours ago
Mr Stargazer
"Philosophy; it's like breaking the fourth wall, but in real life." - Mr.Stargazer
Mr Stargazer
Joined 29th Oct, 2012 ·
Offline
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This was pretty good, but it would certainly benefit from a proofreader.
8540455
You know, i do that but people stll say its bad, I guess i just need to use some practice software
I noticed two or three spots that didnt read right. Otherwise this was good.
Twilight's struggle with her identity is fascinating idea.
8540556
Glad you enjoyed it. I've corrected where you suggested as well.
It felt like a good old classic story from whenI first joined this site. Quite good! Easily could of made it go in a whole different direction in the end. Emotional either way.
8540867
One of the major things I did before positing was changeing the ending. I considered two, one where she leaves and one where she stays.
Decided it would be best to not say.
This was truly a well done story and you managed to make it so that the reader felt many emotions throughout it, something extremely difficult to achieve. Besides a extreme lack of comas and many grammar errors it had me absorbed the entire time and I loved it.
A nice, solid concept. All the critique I'll throw at you is this: slow down a bit. Read carefully, taking into account all the basic rules of grammar. If English isn't your first language, that's fine, as well. There are primers and other resources online to help you improve your grammar and syntax. You've clearly got the talent to write a good story. Now you just need to make sure they come out clean and orderly, and you'll be set! I'm rooting for you!
8541449
You know, if im serious about writing I really should stop using my poor early schooling as an excuse. Im going to start studying grammer next wensday after my tests.
8541462
I really do think you've got the potential to do some great stories, so don't give up! Trust me when I say, the first few stories are always really...clunky? You've written more stories on here than I have, though, so once you start boosting yourself up some more, I bet you make leaps and bounds of improvement. 
Awesome! I'mma slap a 'follow' sticker on you so I can see how fast you improve.
8541476
Well if you want to see how much I've improved you can read my story 'Mordane Stronghoof'. Its my attempt to write and alicorn HIE without being cliche. (I'd say I succeed though I do use some cliche elements just in different ways)
I rewrote the first chapter a bit though.
I would also say that all of my stuff is interesting in some way and I'd like to hear your opinion. Thanks for the input.
8541476
I should also mention that once Mordane is finished I'm going to move on from MLP writing most likely and start posting independent shorts until my skill is what I consider 'basic'. Then I got a whole book I already have planned but don't have the ability to write properly yet. So if you follow Mordane and me I wouldn't be against telling you about it. (Should be happening before December of next year)
8541600
I'll take a look at Mordane, sure. Not tonight, though: it's quite late and I should have been in bed hours ago.
Over the place at times with the overall theme ambiguous and hard to digest motivations. I liked the ending despite feeling forced.
Upvoted.
So can somepony please explain why Twilight is turning coward and running away from everything here? Cause that's kind what I'm feeling here.
Love the story by the way.
8712430
Well I can give you my thoughts if you want :P
8714628
It would be nice. It doesn't take away not knowing, but it's always better, for me anyway, to have at some idea.
8714898
Essentially, Twilight doesn't know who she is. Being Celestias student, becoming a princess and most all her life is something that has been thrust upon her. Because of this she realizes she won't know who she is unless she strikes out on her own. To live away from others so she will have no one else but to live for herself.
8715047
Oh. Now it makes sense. I kinda figured the cover art might have something to do with it. Though I couldn't tell if Twilight looked like that in the story or not.
Really does help knowing this now.
8715069
Yeah, that's my fault. I meant to convey that message but didn't want to say it bluntly.
I guess I should have spent more time on this. Instead of just a few hours. :/