Alicorn in Wonderland

by The Hand of Pony

The Rabbit sends in a little Bill

It was Angel Bunny, or at least the irregular, talking version of him. He was trotting towards her, looking about anxiously as he came, as if he had lost something. Twilight could hear him muttering to himself.

"That Duchess is gonna hang me by my whiskers if I don't mosey on down there soon. Now where did I drop my damn gloves and fan!"

Twilight, having been the last pony to see them, looked around but failed to see them. Actually she failed to see anything she recognised, the hall and doorways and everything there were all gone and she appeared to be somewhere entirely new.

"Huh? How'd I miss that?" While she was sat there looking at her new surroundings she failed to notice the Angel Bunny doppelganger walk up to her.

"Mary Ann? What the heck you doing here? Get back home and get me some gloves and a fan, pronto!"

Twilight was ready to give that rabbit a good tongue lashing for mistaking her for someone he could order about, but somehow, somewhere between her brain and her mouth, her words changed from a telling off to a "Yessir!" before she trotted off in the direction he was pointing.

"What...was that? Since when do I take orders from rabbits? She sighed and thought for a moment as she ran. "I guess I could do this since I did lose his other gloves and fan, although why he wants a magical shrinking fan is anyone’s guess."

Soon she came upon a neat little house with the name 'W.RABBIT' engraved upon it. "Hmm, I wonder what the W stands for?" She grinned to herself, "I hope it’s Wilbur." She then frowned. "Was that me or Pinkie thinking that?" She entered without knocking and trotted upstairs, hoping to find the items before any of the actual staff could stop her.

"Stupid rabbit with its stupid orders." she muttered to herself as she went. "I can't believe I'm doing this. The day I take orders from talking rodents would just have to be the day I lose my mind! Is this what Fluttershy has to put up with all the time?"

She finally found a room which, upon a table, were some pairs of gloves and a fan. She picked up the fan and a pair of gloves, and was about to leave when she noticed a small bottle by the mirror. There wasn't a label this time but the bottle looked just like the one on the glass table in the hall. She picked it up and looked at it critically.

"Is it wrong that I want to drink this just to see what happens?"

Cursing her curiosity she put the bottle to her lips and started to drink. The effect was instantaneous, before she had drank half the bottle her horn was scraping the ceiling.

She stopped drinking, and hastily put the bottle down. "So...a growth potion. Would've been useful if it hadn't trapped me in this room."

Unfortunately though, even if she had stopped drinking she continued to grow until she effectively filled the room. To make extra room for herself, she lay down with a foreleg sticking out the window and one of her rear legs stuck up the chimney.

"Ooh, what have I done?" she said before nervously chewing on her bottom lip. She had stopped growing, thankfully, but she was still stuck in the rather cramped room. "Note to self; never follow talking animals anywhere!"

She lay there for a while, cursing herself and her curiosity; and talking animals and being Pinkie Pie. A voice eventually broke through her fugue of misery and self-pity.

"Mary Ann? How long does it take to get a pair of gloves, and fan? I'll tell you now that it shouldn't take this long."

The rabbit started walking upstairs, looking for her. She started to shake, her paranoid fear of getting into trouble kicking right in. The idea that the rabbit was probably smaller than one of her hooves, and therefore unworthy of her fear, never crossed her mind.

Angel rattled the door, trying to open it, but one of her elbows was firmly pressed against it. When that proved a failure she heard it say to itself "No door's going to beat this rabbit! I'll go through the window instead!"

"Really?" Twilight thought to herself, "I thought getting beaten by doors would be a common thing around here."

She waited until she could hear Angel outside the window before she swung her hoof at him. There was a yell and a crash of broken glass.

"Sorry! I didn't know there was glass down there...sorry."

In an angry voice, Angel yelled "Pat! Pat! Where are you?" It was followed by a voice that she hadn't heard before.

"Diggin' fer apples yer'onour!"

"Digging for app-, how the heck are you digging for apples!? Ugh, nevermind. Gimme a hand out of this glass filled deathtrap."

Twilight could hear the sounds of broken glass moving around. "Sorry," she muttered again.

"Now tell me Pat," said the rabbit "What...is that?"

"It's an 'oof, yer'onour!"

"You think I can't tell that? It’s just...it’s...huge! It’s filling the whole window!"

"It sure is, yer'onour. But it’s still an 'oof for all that."

"Well it don't belong there! Get rid of it!"

There was long silence after that exchange and Twilight could only hear the occasional whisper; such as "Sure I don't like it yer'onour, at all." "Don't be such a wimp, you wimp!" She made another swing with her hoof and this time there were two yells and the sound of more glass breaking.

"Oh. Yeah, right. The whole glass…thing. Sorry!" she sighed and thought to herself, "This blows!"

She waited for a while in silence until she heard the rumbling of cart wheels, and the sound of many different voices. "Where's the other ladder? - Why I hadn't to bring but one. Bill's got the other - Bill! Fetch that ladder here, lad! - Here put them up at this corner - No, tie them together first - they don't reach half high enough yet - oh they'll do well enough. Don't be particular - here Bill! Catch hold of this rope - will the roof bear? - Mind that loose slate - Oh, it’s coming down! Heads below!" There was a crash - "Now who did that? - It was Bill I fancy - Who's to go down the chimney? - Nay, I shan't! You do it! - That I won't, then! - Bill's got to go down the chimney - Here Bill! The master says you got to go down the chimney!"

There was a little squeak then that, to Twilight, sounded oddly familiar. She twisted around as much as she could and looked out of the window. Amongst the various talking animals, there seemed to be a small lizard that everyone was surrounding. The lizard was yellow, with a pink crest.

"B-but I don't want to go down the chimney!" It’s so high! And the chimney is so d-dark and narrow..."

Twilight blinked, dumbfounded. The lizard, Bill, sounded just like Fluttershy.

"Don't care if yer scared Bill. The master says you gots to go down the chimney. So get up there and get down that chimney!"

"B-but...but..." Bill took in a deep breath and sighed. "Well, if I really have to."

Twilight looked back into the room at the chimney. There was no way Bill was going to get in with her hoof stuck in it. "I am so sorry about this Bill."

She drew her hoof back down the chimney as far as she could and waited until she could hear scrabbling from by her hoof in the chimney. "Sorry Bill." she said quietly before giving a kick.

The first sound she heard was several voices saying something along the lines of "There goes Bill!" followed by Angels voice. "Dayyyuuummm! How high do ya think that is? Uh, someone better catch him!" There was silence followed by something about brandy. "What happened Bill? Tell us!"

Then came Flutters- Bill's feeble voice. "I-I'm not sure. It was all dark and scary and then something kicked me and-and then I sort of fainted. How'd I even get out here?"

"You flew old fellow!"

"I what! I flew? I...I...Ooh..."

"Bill? Can ya hear me feller?"

"He's fainted again!" said Angel. "There's nothing for it. We'll have to burn the house down. Which kinda sucks 'cause all my stuff's in there."

Twilight started to panic. "Uh, no! No burning! Burning would be bad!" she shouted.

There was silence from outside. "Why can't they take the roof off so I could just get out of here!?"

After a minute or two more noises came from outside and Twilight heard Angel say "Just shove a whole load in!"

"A whole load of what?" thought Twilight to herself shortly before getting hit in the face by a load of pebbles. "Hey! Watch it!" Her shout was followed by more silence. She then noticed that the pebbles were turning into cupcakes as they sat on the floor.

"Oh great! More unpredictable food!" She shoved a hoof-full into her mouth and chewed and swallowed as fast as possible. She was pleased to find herself rapidly shrinking until she was small enough to exit the room and the house.

She ran out into a crowd of animals and birds. Bill was there too, held up by two guinea-pigs who were trying to get him to come around.

"Um...hi." She didn't get a polite response. Instead all the animals rushed at her making her gallop away as fast as possible until she was in a wood and away from her pursuers.

"Gah! This place is crazy!" She started to make a mental list. "Step one: get back to normal size. Step two: get out of here!" It was a short list, yet sensible, and to the point. The problem was that applying logic and sense to this place was like trying to put a burning house out by burning down the house next to it. She shuddered, "No burning house analogies, especially when they don't even make sense."

While she was pondering her predicament she failed to notice she was being followed until a short, sharp bark made her look. It was an enormous puppy. An enormous purple and green puppy. "Spike?" The puppy reached out a paw as if to touch her. It barked again. "Ok then, probably not Spike. Um...please don't eat me?"

The puppy looked at her quizzically. Without really thinking about it Twilight felt about with her magic until she found a stick that was quite a bit bigger than her. The puppy seemed thrilled by this and started barking and growling at the stick, trying to worry it.

In an attempt to not add 'survive getting flattened by a giant puppy' onto her list she hid behind a thistle while keeping the Spike-puppy distracted with the stick. She changed sides, causing the puppy to suddenly change direction and fall over its own paws. Twilight giggled, if it wasn't for the ever present threat of being flattened it was almost like playing fetch with a real puppy. The fact was it was also like playing fetch with a real dragon too. Not that Spike isn't a real dragon, even when he's a dog, and he's not even here so I can probably stop this monologue.

She kept teasing the puppy until it sat down, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its mouth and its eyes half lidded. Sensing her opportunity she threw the stick before galloping off in the opposite direction until she could no longer hear the puppy.

"Why is it that the animals unexpectedly talk but the things I expect to talk don’t? Is a little consistency too much to ask for? Oh well, I got to see spike as a puppy. He was kind of cute if extremely hazardous to my health." She wandered on for a while. "I guess I ought to figure out how to get big again. If things followed predictable patterns that'd be easy. Is there a fan that could make me grow, or do I need the opposite of a fan? Whatever that might be..."

As she walked along, being annoyed by how unfair everything was, she didn't notice the giant mushroom until she walked into it, her horn sticking into its fleshy underside.

"Ewwww!" she moaned as she tried to scrape mushroom gunk out of the twists in her horn. She stopped and sniffed. "What is that smell?"

Rearing up, she looked on top of the mushroom. Sat atop it, smoking a hookah, was a blue caterpillar. Or at least at first glance it appeared to be a caterpillar.

Comments

[annonymus]

Soon she came upon a neat little house with the name 'W.RABBIT' engraved upon it. "Hmm, I wonder what the W stands for?" She grinned to herself, "I hope it’s Wilbur." She then frowned. "Was that me or Pinkie thinking that?" She entered without knocking and trotted upstairs, hoping to find the items before any of the actual staff could stop her.

I knew it!