Applejack and Rarity must deal with each other for an entire week as the cowpony mends after an incident. Applejack just wants to get home as fast as possible, but after spending time with the brash pony, Rarity finds herself questioning her feelings for Ponyville's prized pony.
Shipfic involving Rarity and Applejack by request. I really need to stop sending ponies to the hospital in these things.
Hopefully you enjoy it nonetheless and know that this is as dramatic as it should get for the remainder of the story.
Picture is a screencap from Look before you sleep.
Chapters (6)
Sounds good so far, reminds me alot of that hilarious episode. Cant wait to see how they'll get along this time.
You are truely the greatest, O great one
I smell trouble
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I've come up with a quite a few ideas, nothing further ahead should be quite as dramatic as the first chapter, but there will be dips.
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Wat.
No but seriously, save the praise until i actually deliver. The first chapter is always the hardest part for me since it lines up the entire story so it should be smooth sailing from here on.
Thank you all for your support and time!
Starlitomega
This is great so far.
I was on the edge of my seat during the beginning.
Keep up the good work.
Rarity has a cruuuuuuuuuuush!
You got the chemistry between Applejack and Rarity just right in my opinion.
I've been enjoying this a lot and I'm looking forward to more.
Like it a lot
“Consarn it…. Me and mah bright ideas…..”
Made me laugh... a lot.
So far, so promising!
I'm enjoying this. xD
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That was the idea really, i've been wanting to do a scene with a pony coding for a while now. (coding is the term used for an emergency which requires immediate medical intervention to avoid loss of life. its a pretty catch all term though because there are actually a plethora of hospital codes.)
The idea of Princess Celestia using a lightning bolt to revive somepony else stuck in my mind one day and i figured now would be a good time to use it, and if you think i threw that first scene in there JUST to get your attention and keep you reading..... you could not be more wrong. Just have faith.
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shhhhh, Rarity doesn't know it yet!
i don't know if it will come up yet, but i'm hoping Rainbow will appear again later in the story.
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I still have no clue where or why i came up with it, but i'm glad it turned out apparently!
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I'm always afraid that i'm making Applejack's accent TOO thick. so far nopony has called me on it.
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Thank you so much, all of you, i really mean it. I've gone back over chapter 2 with a fine tooth comb trying to iron out some wrinkles and some horribly phrased..... ummm.... phrases. i shall endeavor to never post one in such bad shape again.
Your kind words, time, and patience spur me forward and as always i'm ever grateful and i will deliver more and in as timely of a fashion as i can.
Starlitomega
You ponies are the best. treat yourselves to some cookies.... unless you're diabetic, then get something sugar-free.
looks good so far. I like a bit of comedy added
ahaha i sense a crush.. lol applejack and her ideas
Have you by chance read Opposites Attract by DJ_Bron3? It's basically the exact same idea as this, although this ones shaping up to be just as good
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expect more.. i tend to give my characters very interesting traits and flaws.
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you know what they say about the best laid plans, i wonder whats said about hastily thought up, barely thought out plans?
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i have not. when i was preinternet at my house i used the read it later app to get a few fanfics, but not many. of the ones i did read my favorites have to be common sky, our true colors, the make me better boutique, and kindness' reward. The truth is, i became afraid of reading fanfics once i started writing myself. On one hand i want to read more and give back to this great community, on the other i may end up polluting the well so to speak and accidentally include or derive plot points or arcs from other stories.i'm kinda at a loss as to what the right thing is to do.
Thus far i've kept myself in check by including a whole spectrum of emotions in my stories rather than everyone is just having fun. (though i did that too in twilight's curiousity, pinkie's magic)
im not sure there is a rigth answer to this question, but it's one ill have to answer soon.
thank you all for your time and comments.
starlitomega.
Loving it.
Following now.
Applejack used bubble!
It's not very effective...
It's a good story, though I think bits and pieces of it could be written better.
SPOILERS Like around the end of chapter two, where you make a hint at Rarity's affection for AJ.
The blonde pony looked back at Rarity who just sat there with a smile on her face, her plate of pancakes barely touched. “And just what’s on yer mind Rare?”
After this sentence, Rarity's fork just clatters to the table. Make it aware to the reader that Rarity's focus was directed at AJ with some details. Was she flustered after it? Blushing? Was she looking at AJ with a warm or dreamy look? Since we haven't seen the story through Rarity's eyes yet we can't know what exactly she's thinking without some context.
Otherwise, it's a great effort. The story has a good flow to it. The story is fast paced for those who prefer that. Though I was expecting to see some clash between the two ponies.
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Ahhh, but you see, that's the point. The story thus far is told from Applejack's perspective and at this point and time neither of them are aware of each other's feelings.
Also, did she leave her food untouched by being in a dreamy crush, or is she feeling guilty for something or is she worried about something else.
The fact that you and many others went straight for " oh she's totally crushing on AJ" without taking anything else into accout means i've done my job perfectly.
The clashes are coming as well, familiarity breeds contempt.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention,
Starlitomega
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I was probably looking too much into it. Mistook Rarity being open with her warming up to Applejack.
That's kind of sweet.
Sigh i ended up having to get some chocolate cupcakes after this....
Rarity is crushin hard. I think it'll be interesting when those feeling are brought out into the open. Especially considering Applejack hasn't indicated ANY similar feelings.
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amazingly, i bought chocolate cupcake mix after writing this section.
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Rubs hands together in an evil fashion.
No, whats going to be interesting is how she'll deal with getting mad at applejack while simultaneously falling for her.
The absolute best part of all is EVEN I DON'T KNOW HOW IT'S GOING TO WORK YET!!!
514898
That sounds pretty awesome to me.
Sweet chapter
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But good chapter by the way. Looks like we'll be seeing Twilight in the next chapter too.
Thumbs up
Yay!
And you said that it wasn't going to get intense after the first chapter. Well played. Also, great chapter, update soon please
Flashbacks
Can't wait for the next chapter. This one had me interested from the beginning.
Oh Rarity why you so prissy
So much adorable Applejack!
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Well to be fair i said it wouldn't be AS intense as the first chapter and i think cardiac arrest still has the upper hand as far as drama goes, but this story has surprised me at every turn choosing to write itself and more or less taking me along for the ride.
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Horns must add a +5 to a pony's natural prissyness attribute.
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The as i said above, this story has surprised me from the word go. i never had intentions of it, but once Applejack had been hit by lightning she gained a weakness, and since she gained a weakness i felt obligated to pick at it.
Oh and feel free to call me a hack, i couldn't do anything with that smile and the fork clattering in the second chapter. I toyed around with the idea of the Rarity being the one who suggested Applejack go put up the lightning rod, but M. Night shamalamadingdong wanted his idea back.
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I think she is one of the most underused and under-appreciated ponies in the entire cast. I'm happy to work with her since sarcasm comes easy with her and she plays off just about any pony well.
I really hated ending this one on a sad note because it kinda washes away all the comedy i threw in here, but at the same time, it couldn't end anywhere else.
Some of my favorite bits while writing this were:
Rarity and Rainbow's back and forth, The idea of Rarity calling her a pigeon pleased me greatly.
Spike trying to be intimidating.
and poor Twilight. I imagine if something like this did happen she might lock herself away.
Thank you, all of you for your time and continued patience. I will endeavor to keep them coming as fast as i can and once it's complete i'll really overhaul the punctuation and see about sending it to EQD. i really think it's the first one i've done that stands a chance.
Starlitomega
“Ummmmm Rawr?”
Came across this and had to comment. Spike, Y U SO CUTE. >w<
Am I the only one bothered that Applejack's family didn't come home as soon as Applejack got sent to the hospital? I'm fairly certain that they could drop whatever they're doing to make sure she was alright. I know my family would.
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i never give the poor guy his due, he definitely needed a little time to shine.
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I've just read this whole story and all I have for this story is
I's really nice to see this polar pairing. please keep up the good work.
P.S. can't wait for the next chapter.
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I'm sorry to intrude into his conversation because I have no part in it...
But are you saying that Rarity deliberately stopped the news from going out to Applejacks family?
Or am I reading way to much into a little emoticon.
But if that was true then it would be a real "the plot thickens" sort of moment and make an excellent twist.
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Don't be afraid to chime in, the conversation belongs to everyone.
I can go ahead and say Rarity is not doing anything sinister.
Frizzy saw a little bit behind the curtain so to speak and that's all i'll say for now.
Also, i hope to have the next chapter up sometime saturday.
Oddly enough the next chapter has proven very diffIcult. The main problem im struggling with is making sure neither pony is really in the wrong, unfortunately i need some conflict and that means someones got to be the bad guy.
I deeply appreciate your patience and time wether youve read, commented, favorited or all three, it means so much to me!
Starlitomega
Bravo! This was good can't wait to read more.
Nice.... very nice. *Rubs claws evilly* Continue....
Well I hope this updates soon.
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Hey Starlit,
I like the story so far.
Yer Applejack dialogue is 'bout tha best Ah've e'er seen. Seriously, it's good. I'm writing a story with a fair bit of AJ in it and I think you set a good standard for her. Of course, I should probably watch a couple of AJ episodes too... like I really need an excuse to do that.
I saw a lot of mistakes I can help you clean up if you'd like. I'm not sure if it matters much, since your story has already done really well, but I'd love to help however I can.
I'm working my first shipping story right now. You were actually the one who inspired me to do it. Jesus, two months ago I couldn't have pictured myself writing a romance about cartoon ponies, but here I am
. You think you've got time to pre-read/edit it? It's over 10K words, so I'll definitely understand if you're busy.
Anyway, I hope all is well with you.
"I must not let my will power falter in the face of temptation!” She said holding her hoof to her head."
Very literary
What? Up to this point, I thought the story was already done and it was going to wrap up in this chapter.
How could this happen to me?
It's very compelling. I hope to hear more.
This is a wonderful story. Then again, anything with Rarity in it is bound to be at least worth reading.
It's also remarkably free of errors, but I did spot two things. You typed "opps" instead of "oops" in one spot. The other thing that might have been an error, or maybe not, is in the conversation between Applejack and Rarity at the end. Applejack's question of "why me?" seems like it should be preceded by Rarity first stating her interest. I even went back and check a few times to make sure I didn't miss a line. I'm guessing that the "body language" of the ponies is supposed to be enough lead up to the question, but I just didn't feel that it was clear enough. Perhaps if you want to go that route, a line of internal dialogue from Applejack before she asks the question would make things clearer.
Anyways, I can't wait for the next instalment!
Fantastic. Worth the wait for sure.
Very good story