Rarity only wished for a knight in shining armours to come and save her from some mortal dangers. Her experience with the nobility at the Grand Galloping Gala left her with a sour taste. Until one day she was ready to give up her dream and move on.
It was the day she was saved by a knight, the one she deserved, not the one she wished for.
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Yeah... Just set sail on a ship. Hopefully one that won't sunk too quickly.
I know I'm terribad with that kind of thing, you know... "emotions"... but I wanted to try that. Don't care if it sucks.
Now... Why the hell can't I write something like that under... let's say 2k words? Or even 3k? Sheeesh.
Everypony know Rarijack is best ship.
At least, I think it is.
All aboard the U.E.S. Rarijack!
Note: My usual grammar pre-reader appear to be in vacation... So I will cross my hooves that I managed to track down most of my own mistakes. I know it's unlikely, but if you find some terrible errors, don't be afraid to point them out, I will fix them right away!
EDIT: Just saw the last episode with Luna showing up in Scootaloo's dream. Damn! Talk about timing... I wrote that in the last two weeks and that episode just made part of that story canon.
Oh, look, a new Rarijack fic....
HOLY FLAME RETARDANTS, A NEW RARIJACK FIC! MUST READ!
EDIT: Yes. All of my yes. Instant fave. As for grammar mistakes, I see none. Fantastic job, my friend. (If this gets featured, y'all deserve it!)
DAT SHIPPERY
1770880
I didn't take you for a Rarijack fan.
1770914 Lol, I'm not. I hate all shipping except Mr Cake and Mrs Cake, Orion and Twilight Velvet, and Shining Armor and Cadance.
1770928 So why did you read this?
1770949 I don't think he did. I think he just posts random comments on random stories.
1770956
Yeah, that sounds like Regidar.
Well, I didn't ship Rarijack before, but now I'm leaning towards it.
It's great.
The description is cute, the ending was well done, and dat cover pic. 8D
Well done! I feel like this deserves more views, likes and favourites. Won't be surprised if this gets featured.
1770962>>1770956 I like how you totally disregard my 3000 previous comments of
"I read every story I post on."
Come on, Princess Rarity. You know me. I KNOW I've said it to you before.
I read every story regardless of whether I liked it or not. Everyone deserves a view and a comment, at least.
1771001 I guess you're one of the fastest reader I've seen.
1771018 I mostly skim fics, and if they catch my attention I read 'em again.
1770993 I would be the first surprised. My stories don't have the habit of going up there. Timing... Grammar... Quality... I don't know. That would really be a first.
1771001 Oh my god. Just oh my god. Underneath that crazy, Kurt Cobain and pony-loving, random, awkward and wtf cray cray being, you're actually a softie?
Love and tolerance all the way, bud.
How sweet of you, Regidar.
1771146 It started when I just got tired of my fics not getting the attention I thought they deserved. I couldn't do anything about my fics, but I could give everyone else at least one comment and view.
Don't tell anyone about this or I'll cut off your legs and serve them to midget pornstars.
1771295
Yessir.
1772051
Too many grammatical mistakes and the likes for me to appreciate, even though the story looks good
1772725 Mind telling me the worst you find? I will fix them ASAP.
1770993 By the look of thing, it won't even scratch the current top 40!
Serve me right for not waiting for my pre-reader to check for my terrible grammar.
1772735
I've found quite a lot, so this may take a while. And I'd better mention them in a PM instead of a comment.
1772751 Would be quite grateful if you could.
1772743
Hey, I'll be right back. Gonna go ... make cupcakes... with 39 different authors. ^^;
1772773 I'm really thinking about deleting it and reposting it later once I nail down the grammar. Applejack-fan is right, my spelling is not at the level required to post a story without pre-readers yet. I guess I just did that same mistake again.
Will sleep on it.
I am normally willing to ditch a story simply due to bad grammar, but this story was so good that I hardly noticed the grammatical errors. I love it.
1772764
Grammatical errors aside, the story was fantastic. I'll favorite it, and I'll go through it again sometime, trying to find some errors.
I am a fan of way too much shipping, so I'll be happy to read this one again.
aww it was cute.
The website is messed up bad. I've been inputing the correction Shutaro did, and somehow the website claims the story grew from 9100 ish words to 9700+.
I just hope it doesn't mess up the story!
EDIT: Done! By Celestia, I can't believe the mistakes I do. If I would slap myself for every plural I messed up, I would be locked up in an asylum.
Very good story! Rarijack forever!
1730598
I know I found a grammar thingy somewhere, but now that I'm looking for it, I can't find it. I know it said "he" when it should have said "her." Or maybe it was something else... Now I'm getting the feeling that this comment might have been completely pointless...
Cool story, though, bro. Got real emotional and stuff. I felt like my brain was undergoing binary fission as it couldn't decide what words to think in response to the deepness of this story. The only solution was to multiply and hope one of the copies could cope with the emotional level of the literature. It was like getting out of the car after a long trip, feeling refreshed, if not a little disoriented. As you look back on the journey, you reflect upon that time when you got cut off by some asshole who was probably running late for something, and that time you passed the carnival where families were playing, laughing, and killing their teeth with cotton candy. It's bittersweet. The journey was long. It's 2 in the morning, and you have school tomorrow. You're going to be dead tired, but it was worth it.
Seriously though, tomorrow's gonna suck. It actually is 2 in the morning for me. Couldn't resist writing this novel of a comment. I'm the most introspective when I'm talking to random strangers in the comments section of an MLP fanfic.
1771295
This site has to be your entire life if you read every story and comment on it. I've noticed that you SEEMED to comment on every story, but I didn't know you actually did... Well, I'm thoroughly impressed. I think I might go salt my eyes from unworthiness.
Your stories will be getting at least 1 new view and comment in the next few days. If anyone deserves a little recognition, it's you.
1786651 Happy you enjoyed it. I think you did... not sure.
But you should go to bed if you have school. Don't you have exams at this time of the year?
1786678 Aw, thank you.
1787104
I'm a senior, so I don't have to do anything. It's pretty great. It's nice to be able to laugh at all the underclassmen while they take finals and I don't.
1790114 Fair enough, you earned it.
I love stories like this! for a moment i wondered why luna even needed to be involved, but once Rarity figured out the armor was so familiar, i pieced it together (turns out it would be presented anyway
) I just love stories that are so clever.
1795633 Happy you liked it.
oh my god it was so amazing!
The cuteness! The great story! The perfect piecing of everything together! The characterization of Celestia! Luna! It was just sooo amazing! :D
This was simply magnificent RariJack fic
Now only if we could add some ShininDence and TwiLuna it could turn better
At least for me...
1835177 Happy you enjoyed it.
ShininDence? Interresting... Not that it's not cannon already. But how they got there? Could be interresting. Were they seeking the Empire when... something happened?
My shipping in order of likeliness within the mane 6:
RariJack (For some reason, I feel they fit perfectly on what matters)
TwiDash (Books!)
PinkieShy (Because only Fluttershy has the patience for Pinkie)
For some reason, I have a very hard time to see Pinkie being shipped with anything beside Fluttershy, and even that pair isn't that interesting.
When extending to the royality...
Twilestia or Twiluna? Dunno. For some reason, I would match Fluttershy with Luna over that. They are both shy... even if it's a different kind of shy. To forgive herself, I feel Luna would need a lot of tenderness.
It was a very sweet story, a good plot-line, and I, a grammar Nazi, didn't notice many mistakes, because the story kept me hooked. I think the best thing is that this felt like an episode; built on character and relationships and very well-done.
This will be heading in my favourites.
Rarijack is best ship indeed.
A wonderful story. One of the best Rarity x Applejack stories I've had the honor of reading. I look forward to reading more of your work. I can only hope that when I finally get one of my stories posted that it will be half as good as this.
1962215 Now, thanks for almost making me blush.
Quite a feat.
1836221
I approve of these ships
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5itpcANwi1rv2dduo1_500.gif
Nice, I like it, I like it! You did a good job with this story, it definitely deserves more views and thumbs ups.
I did notice a few errors, but they weren't painful, so I won't make too big a deal of them. I'll recommend this to my brother later to have a look at this, I have a funny feeling he's gonna like this one despite the fact he's not a huge fan of shipping.
2516795
Never been a Big Rarijack fan but when I read stories like this one my opinion drastically changes, so congrats on that.
Still not my preferred ship but I can definitely say it's in my top 5
If you haven't yet, definitely get an editor. There were a fair number of incorrect conjugations and word forms, but one of the biggest things for me was the really awkward/strange phrasing at times. Stuff like this:
"Applejack hated the look on her friend's face and while she discussed about her heartache, she couldn't help feeling the same. Empathy was the fancy word for that feeling she remembered herself. She had to bring a smile back to her face, no matter the cost."
"Her thoughts went back to her friends who right now were waiting in the biggest ball room of the castle."
It just feels really clunky and awkward. A good test is to ask yourself 'how would I say this if I were speaking this line?' There were quite a few moments like that, too many to pick out.
Edit: Thought English may not have been a primary language. That's understandable then. A good editor should be able to help you out with that aspect.
It would have been nice to actually see events unfold instead of 'this is what happened', although that isn't a technical thing, just a story telling suggestion. Sometimes it's good to skip things, but it's usually better to show them unfold. I could tell you 'this is what happened', or I could show you how those things came to be. Showing is more interesting and immersive for a reader. This link can help illustrate that I'm talking about. Oh, and thanks for not writing in AJ's accent :b The character should be able to come out through their word choice and mannerisms. Krazy the Fox wrote a blog about character dialogue and it makes a few really good points.
The romance also felt kind of sudden to me. In the beginning they were very consistent with dreaming about stallions. With Rarity, I guess the dream would be why she fell for AJ, but it didn't show any of that emotional change or realization in her character. AJ especially had no indicator that she felt that way about Rarity, so the whole romance felt kind of sudden and not really believable.
This was a fairly good effort however. Keep writing and you'll definitely improve.
2781034 'how would I say this if I were speaking this line?'
The problem is, I cannot do that. I don't speak English. Otherwise, I would do it for sure!
"Oh, and thanks for not writing in AJ's accent"
Only half a choice... I don't speak English, so I sure can't "slang" it. But I admit I don't like when people forces accent in novels.
As for AJ vs Rarity... Rarity was an act of passion while AJ was... one could say of "reliability". AJ was ready to do anything to help her friend not give up her dream, even if it meant falling in love.
I doubt I could make it less sudden in less than 10k words. I didn't want to write 50k words for that story and it is also a reason why I "explained" past event instead of letting them unfold. And yes, I assumed people already had plenty of knowledge about both of them. It's obvious this story wouldn't work at all for a reader who didn't know the different characters enough.
Always got time for that most endearing, most dynamic, most adorable of ships, Raijack!
Lovely story, some very original ideas here such as Applejack becoming a knight in the literal sense. I think Luna getting the armour design from Rarity's dream was a lovely touch as well.