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Love is much like a river. Its power rings true not in the calm and serene of its waters, but in the perilous and daunting rapids.
Now, after a night of heated words, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie will have to face the torrent in their relationship.
Edited and proofread by Key Tapper and Cookie Monstar. Go check them out! This story wouldn't be what it is without their help.
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Wonderful and full of 'daww'. Personally I would have preferred Fluttershy instead of Rarity as Twilight's counsel, but she is fine, too.
2596061
one stinking missing forward slash. Oh well, thanks for bringing it to my attention. Fixed it! glad you liked it!
2596099
I thought about Fluttershy, but she's a bit too passive. I would imagine Rarity to be a bit more knowledeable really on affairs of the heart. Glad the D'awwwws hit home!.
You know what's truly irreplaceable? Their relationship.
2597518
*Clutches heart.
*Falls over dead
Very good story. Simple plot but very well crafted, and it got across everything it was meant to. As I state with nearly every fic I read, I wish it was longer. : )
2597541
Ha, I see that you enjoy that comment.
2597553
A story should only be as long as it needs to be.
It's just sad that these fics get overlooked because "They're too small" or something.
My goal for this fic was to explore a fight. A part that is generally overlooked in shipfics. Sure it might be INCLUDED in other fics, but it isn't the focus. i think i did that relatively well here.
2597635
I agree you did a very good story here with alot of emotion and detail. And I also agree about a story not overstaying its welcome or trying for length through pointless detail or repetitive writing. Honestly if a story is at or below 2k words I tend to shy away from it unless it has a really interesting synopsis. I tend to like longer stories and 10k+ is usually my preferred. Now if I like what a writer has written before I'll definitely try it like this story. The word count is fine in this, it just makes me wish to see more of their relationship since I enjoy your writing style and would have liked to see what else you did with the relationship.
I hope that makes sense, I was not trying to belittle it or anything just because it is a one-shot.
Now let me tell you, this is my favorite ship and you did it well! So, congrats!
Anyway, my thoughts on this fic are simple. You did well, you had almost perfect grammar and you made my day/night with those last two lines..... I really don't have much else to say about this.
You did great, kiddo! Glad to have been part of the ride!
-Silver Quill
2597682
when it comes to one-shots i don't usully touch them unless theyre longer than 2.5 k.
Yeah, i can understand wanting to see more, but i've done several oneshots and they get almost no love compared to the multi-chaptered fics i've written. Kinda disheartening is all.
I'm glad you enjoyed it though.
2597707
I was actually worried Pinkie wasn't QUITE Pinkie enough while writing this. As i thought it over more and more, I realized that in a down mood, she wouldn't be her normal self. I was actually hoping the last scene when she recovers wouldn't be out of left-field, but i think her Pinkie-ness coming back there works.
Also, i debated on those last two lines for so long. In fact, I almost didn't include the balloon thing at all. Good to know it wasn't a mistake leaving it in.
This is a welcome break from the norm, the fact that the story is about a fight. Odd that I'm saying that, because I hate fighting. But then who doesn't?
This could have gone wrong in so many ways. For instance, in a lot of stories, the ponies that served as counsel could have easily been rebounds instead. And that's just one example of implausibly extreme reactions that make me lose respect in characters and lose interest in whether it works out in the end. And implausible and unforgiveable reactions like those, unfortunatly, are all too common in stories to the point that fight scenes are just never pulled off in a respectable way. What I'm trying to say is, while the characters made mistakes...as should happen, it was done realistically, and I wasn't left feeling like the characters didn't really love each other as I often am after fight scenes and near-breakups. While the way the characters handled the situation wasn't perfect, [continued in next post due to text limit]
handling it perfectly wouldn't be any more realistic than Twilight or Pinkie Pie kissing (or banging..) the pony consoling them as a rebound, and I thought Twilight and Pinkie Pie handled the situation well in comparison to any other imperfect beings in the same situation, they actually handled the situation superbly and that just made me feel even more that they were in love with one another. I liked that you added how they got together. Normally I don't like flashbacks, but this was a good one. Early on, I used to not like stories that had characters already be in a relationship, because I wanted to see how they got together in the first place. I've since just used completly unrelated stories I've read of the same characters getting together (sometimes even by different authors) to fill that void, and pretended that the stories where they're already together is just a continuation of that, so it's not so much a problem anymore, but this story going into how they got together [continued in next post]
was a very nice bonus. This is just personal preferences, but mention of saliva during kissing, and the term "sloppy makeout" or "sloppy kiss" disgusts me. I imagine Pinkie Pie just drooling all over Twilight while kissing her. I like terms like "passionate kiss" I stick my tongue out and it's really not all that wet. neither is the inside of my mouth. Sure, maybe a little bit, but I can't believe that when two ponies kiss that they're exchanging gulpfulls of saliva drinks between one another. I found one sentence with a missing word, and one word written in present tense when it should be past: "The tears Pinkie fought so hard to hold back forward at last" and "Twilight slightly ponder" I think Rarity wouldn't be the best pony to give romantic advice, considering how naive she showed herself to be at the Gala with Blueblood. I feel that the stories depicting her as wrapped up in romance novels far removed from reality is pretty genuine. As mentioned by someone else earlier, [continued in next post]
Fluttershy would have made sense. Sure, she's shy, and may not speak up..but she's always been brave when her friends were in danger, assertive...well, er, AGGRESSIVE when pushed too far, and firm with her friends when they needed her to be, when they were in the wrong and needed a good scolding. She's very much the motherly sort of figure. However, I don't think Rarity is really saying anything that isn't common sense, and it's just in character for Twilight that she would need to be told things that are common sense. So Rarity was not actually a bad choice to counsel Twilight. I liked that Twilight opposed the idea that Pinkie was stupid in her flashback. I also liked that while trying to disprove Pinkie's theory in her flashback, it turned out she was technically correct no matter which way somepony looked at it. I also really liked Applejack's comparison of a relationship to a river. I thought it was really clever. Since this story is a [continued in next post]
"Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle learn that they can get through the rough parts of the river" story, and that they've been together for a couple years, it really needs a one-shot "Wedding jitters" sequel, and possibly a "Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle make love for the first time" Prequel all in the same continuuity. Or both :P Almost forgot, Rarity going on a rant made me laugh a little. At first I thought she was simply using too many details, but I also thought that it felt like she was rushing her words, and when I noticed the lack of periods to seperate most of her sentences I reaslized that she was and I just loved it. Rarity's mention of earth ponies being stubborn...personal experience? Is this a hint of implied Rarijack going on behind the scenes? I may be reading into things but I thought that the fact that Pinkie Pie and Twilight are an earth pony and a unicorn and the use of an earth pony and a unicorn to console them was some sort of intentional hint that the ones consoling[continued]
Pinkie Pie and Twilight are actaully in a relationship with each other, especially since they both seem to know what they're talking about, possibly hinting that they were a couple longer than Pinkie Pie and Twilight were. Am I just seeing what I want to see? :P [end]
Perfect.
Damn, this is a good story - hit to the gut with the feels!
If I were to offer only one complaint it would be on me, "Why the buck did i not find this story sooner!"
another twipie?
yay
You seem to write a lot of TwiPie. Perhaps you should consider a sequel where they get married, or are already married and consider having foals.
Somehow... the most d'aww inducing part for me was where Pinkie admitted Twi was a lot better to sleep with than a balloon, and Twi was just utterly baffled. It's kinda like you summed up what their entire relationship must be like in a flash.
I dig the story. That said, I feel like the resolution is a bit superficial. It's obvious that Twilight wants to change, but this is a deep seated issue in her personality. It would be nice to see a little bit more about Twilight working to make Pinkie a priority in her life after they make up.
3713115
I don't agree that it's "superficial." She was clearly upset at losing Pinkie. You are right though. Changing is not that easy. It would definitely be a struggle.
This story is listed as complete.
HOWEVER...
That doesn't mean I'll never come back to it. The thing is though, unless I find a good reason or hook to continue, I probably won't.
This was literally a prompt I gave myself. A shipfic involving a fight in a relationship... but that doesn't mean it will always be that.
Absolutely amazing. Sure, there were a few mistakes here and there, but that does not stop me from loving this story.
Oh my! That was awesome, I've really enjoyed reading it. Twinkie is one of my favorite pairings. <3
Great ending brosky!
I love me some Twinkie pie!
'squeals in a high pitched voice' SO CUUUUUUUUUTE!
Okay, I'm only to the point with the suitcase and I'm into this so hard core I had to comment before I got any farther.
Wow.
Okay, back to the story
Oh my Celestia.
I have to stop for now.
sorry for the commentary. .. I'm 33, a chef, a father and husband. ..
And I'm almost crying.
Wow.
Wow... worth the break.
Total work of art.
Heartbreaking/warming at the same time. Well done.
A heartwarming story that really touches the soul. I enjoyed it. Excellently written and does an excellent job of keeping the story closely grounded to the characters. Well done!