Nostalgia

In order to save Equestria from destruction, Applejack has been tasked to go back in time and retrieve what was described as "the apple of my eye". She is plunged into a world of love and fear, yet she soon encounters a familiar situation, one which had been wiped out of her memory till now...

A story of love, memories and sacrifices. Life isn't a bed of roses and sometimes, it's hard to choose between two things. Especially when what you desire most is what you have to sacrifice.

Chapters (4)

Prologue: May the odds ever be in your favour · 11th Sep 2014 · 839 words
839
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Chapter one: The beginning of time · 12th Sep 2014 · 705 words
705
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Chapter two: Battles and Love · 19th Oct 2014 · 1,137 words
1,137
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Chapter three: Dreams and Discoveries · 30th Dec 2014 · 1,546 words
1,546
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Comments ( 16 )

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Calm Wind

Calm Wind #1 · Sep 12th, 2014 · · · Chapter one: The beginning of time ·

Oh... stories about Applejack's parents always get to me...

But i have to say... this is your first fanfiction? I did quite well!

The story started a little quick, but i really enjoyed your descriptions. Specifically your description of how Celestia looked and moved, it was very easy for me to picture. You got right to the point with the plot, while this CAN work against a story, i didn't feel like it hurt yours at all. In fact it worked well because i KNEW it was going to involve Applejack meeting her mother. You made that point clear early on, making the reader eager for such a moment, and got to it fast. It was well handled.

Now there are a few things i would point out for you. First, i'm not the best editor, but i did see an error or two. when Applejack meets with Celestia, Celestia "smiles" i think you have it "smails" also when Dash slaps Applejack, you spelled across as "accross" only one c

Also, just with dialogue in general. Unless what is being said ends the sentence you want to end the quote with a comma and show action or a tagline with a lowercase letter to start (that sounds confusing here's an example:)

"You are the only one that can do this," she said to Applejack.

When you want to indicate who said something after the dialogue, end the sentence spoken with a comma and continue as if it were the same sentence. (lowercase unless you say a name like: "You are the only one that can do this," Celestia assured her.)

Celestia turned and smiled at Applejack. "You are the only one that can do this."

Unless the dialogue is broken apart or being moved into from previous cut off dialogue, always end the sentence before the dialogue and capitalize the firs letter in the dialogue.

Also, there is a very handy button on the editing window here on fimfiction The "horizontal rule" button.

s17.postimg.org/vn6n3yai7/horizontal_rule.jpg

using this button will put a [ hr ] symbol down wherever your cursor is. when you save and view your story a long faint line will appear wherever you put it down. This is VERY helpful for the readers because it helps separate the scenes. like at the very beginning when applejack leaves and is very suddenly at Celestia's castle. A horizontal rule line would indicate a scene change (you may have seen this line in my stories )

Overall, you did a tremendous job if this is your first attempt! (we shall never talk about my first attempt at fanfiction)
Good work! Keep it up!

Calm Wind

Calm Wind #2 · Sep 12th, 2014 · · · Chapter one: The beginning of time ·

I went ahead and added your fic to a few Applejack groups as well to get it some more publicity

Sea_Swirl

Sea_Swirl #3 · Sep 12th, 2014 · · · Chapter one: The beginning of time ·

I really like this fan fic I would nicer if it was at least 1,000 words long but its till awesome! thumbs up! also is there going to be an Applejack filly throughout the whole fic?

sugarhooves