I never wanted this. I had a good life. Granted it wasn't very exciting, and I wasn't exactly the most important person in it, but it was mine. I don't know why you did this, or why you chose me, but I promise you I will find you. I don't know when. I don't know where, but I will find you. Trust me, I've got all the time in the world, thanks to you.
Carlos Aviles was taken from his life and pushed into a role he thought was only fantasy. In a new place, with access to strange knowledge and power, he has to decide what to do with the rest of his life. More importantly, will this new-found purpose change who he is? Or will he hang on to himself?
~==========~
My take on an old classic. I write this in an attempt to freshen up older cliches, and as an exercise in showing and not telling.
Faved, tracking and up voted.
5/5
5137073
Oh wow. My first moustache! Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
5138169
I remember the original Star Wars way back in '79. It can still capture my imagination.
5138536
I understand exactly how you feel. I'm a huge fan of the Star Wars universe. It says a lot about a concept when completely different writers with completely different writing styles can still produce equally enjoyable viewpoints for me. Granted the talent of the authors definitely help, but it's just the whole flavor that SW brings that makes me feel like I'm 8 again.
Personally, I'm most fond of the extended universe, but you can bet the films enjoy a special place on my shelf.
I'm hoping that I can get a bit of that simple flair that everyday life in the SW universe can bring. Hopefully later in the story, eh?
5138598
Amen.
...Bobafet?
5159899
... I'm... not sure what you're asking?
If you're asking if that's what Carlos is dressed as, no.
If you're asking about Marcus, possibly? Honestly I had more inspiration from the extended universe on Marcus' costume. Maybe he's an older Fett, someone from the pre-trilogy days. I didn't have anyone in particular in mind for him, though.
Thanks for commenting anyways, though! It's always nice to hear something from someone! Puts a smile on my face!
5160716
...I was talking about the picture.
5160942
....
D'oh! Well, now I feel silly.
No, not quite. While it is a Mandalorian mask, it was never clarified who it belonged to beyond that she was a female Mando warrior who fought against Mandalore in the Mandalorian Wars.
It was found by Revan, and when he used the Force to see where it came from, he found out she died protecting the world he found it on from her clanmates.
It's where he got his mask from. He was so moved by her example that he swore never to remove it until he drove the Mandalorians back to the edge of the galaxy.
In this story, it's relevant because Revan is one of Carlos' favorite SW characters.
I chose that picture because, well, it happens to fit the first chapter really well!
5160988
...Even if it's bobafet...
So this is a gender role reversal equestria?
5165610
Yes. I struggled with the decision for a while. Quite frankly, I decided on reversing the gender roles for the challenge of it. It's harder to wrap my head around than what we're used to. And since I'm writing this to sharpen my skills as a writer...
I'm hoping I can do the concept justice.
It's actually given me some interesting angles on characters I have planned for the next few chapters! So I'm not regretting my decision, at the moment.
Thanks for asking!
5165646 No thank you! You've combined two of my favorite story elements: The Merchant and encountering a severely different society. Along with the main character being from Star Wars a franchise I group with.
nice story but if you wont to drop him in the everfree then you could make marcus go there if he is in the story. and it should have bin 23 likes considering that I forgot to do it
also I am enjoying the way the story is going so far and the differences from other HIE's.
Carlos is going to need fire very shortly. For warmth and to dry his clothes. Cotton kills in the winter.
All of my yes when this updated.
5165766
5166303
5166417
You guys have no idea how happy this made me. It's... an unbelievably cool feeling to know that someone appreciates my work. And getting to hear from you guys is just plain awesome.
Thanks for taking the time to write out a comment for me. It really made my day.
Also, TownCrier, that's a good point! I'll be sure to include that detail in the next chapter. I sort of forgot how thin his robes were made, given the Florida weather!
I plan on updating on a weekly basis. I've gotten most of the 3rd chapter and some of the 4th knocked out already. It should be easier to make my quota with NaNoWriMo coming soon!
Also, if any of you have suggestions for groups to add my story to, I'd love to hear them!
5167577
I myself originally hail from Wisconsin. After high school in Texas I beat feet back north. Needless to say my first winter back was my last. Cowboy boots and snow simply do not mix. Ever.
Yes! it updated! I tend to hold thumbs ups until after a story gets updated at least once, so im sure its not a story that got thought up in the middle of the night and then forgotten about. LOVE the premise! Darth Revan is my all time favorite Star Wars character! That and I love the Crystal Empire. Look forward to more!
5168201
I understand exactly how you feel. It frustrates me to no end when something I'm interested in is abandoned overnight. Rest assured though, I'm definitely continuing this story.
I'm super excited to know that people are just as interested in my story! Thanks for letting me know! Really put a smile on my face!
He's also one of my favorites! His story is simultaneously one of the most interesting and tragic ones in the Star Wars mythos.
And I'm happy I chose to use the Crystal Empire rather than the Everfree kingdom for this Fic. I'm looking forward to reaching my next goal, which is 30k words. Baby steps!
5167606
Ohhh... Oh yeah. I remember staying a month in Tennessee once. In the winter. With Florida clothes.
Never hit a Walmart so fast in my life. My family was dying! They couldn't stop laughing all month.
I'm hoping to inject a lot of that climate confusion into what's going to happen to him in the next few chapters. Only amplified, since he doesn't have the option of civilization being readily available to help him acclimate.
Can't wait for him to go Revan! Especially getting back his lightsaber and that holocron (which, I am assuming is the Revan Holocron from star wars). Assuming he is Revan and simply deleted his memories after storing them on the Holocron in order to lay low and pull a Light-style Just As Planned. It'd be both awesome and horrifying to discover that you are Revan (I mean, like, if I discovered I was Revan...cus he did a lot of evil, too).
That doesn't make sense. In real-life equine herds, there is a dominant male and a dominant female who run the herd. The male does the fighting and directs the herd's direction (like, deciding when to move and where to go). It makes no sense for sapient equines to not follow this model. Especially since we see that most, if not all Royal Guards in the show are male, which further supports my point.
5245069
First of all, thanks for commenting! I'm glad you found it interesting to read. I'm glad you took the time to write out a comment for me.
Secondly, Yeah. I know it doesn't work like that in real life. As I mentioned in response to a previous commenter, I chose to change the way herd dynamics would function. Particularly I chose to do it in such a manner as to portray a female-dominant society.
There's no real special reason for this. I simply decided to go this route because it'd be more of a challenge for me. I'm writing this to sharpen my own skills as a writer. Since it'll be tougher for me to imagine a world that functions in a matter completely different from our own, I'm hoping that the added challenge will force me to bend my way of thinking to satisfy a wider variety of flavors for the story.
To be fair, I did add the Alternate Universe tag, since I knew this would likely result in my Equestria diverging from the Canon as portrayed in the show.
Though I admit, I didn't know that about equines! That's fascinating stuff! You might have just helped me out with another story I'm writing. Thank you!
So few Cosplayer in Equestria stories actually make an effort to be a story instead of a boring hurpderp power fantasy. The effort you put into the prose is nice. The details are good without going overboard, and the pacing so far is steady. I'm excited to see where you take this.
Unless you plan on Carlos going all "I'm Revan now, that means I should be evil because reasons." and killing all the villagers with his lightsabre.
5298589
Hi there! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on my story! I love getting comments. They're like little presents that pop up every once in a while. There's that palpable feeling of excitement that comes with seeing the little red number on my dashboard!
Actually, you and I agree on this point. I don't see any reason why a person should just automatically assume the identity of their costume. Don't get me wrong, I can respect a character that does so for a good reason. However, to just instantaneously accept a new identity and have it dictate your morality from that point onward shows a certain... desperation that few authors talk about again.
Not desperation on the author's part, but on the character's. To just give up everything that makes you You and take on a new mantle tells me that the character in question must have had a special loathing for who they were. Or perhaps an undeniable wanderlust? Or some deep tragedy they wish to run from? Maybe a level of hero-worship to the degree of wanting to be that character? There are a multitude of reasons a person might be driven to do this. However, we're rarely shown that reason in most stories.
The result is that the act is usually construed as a 'I did it just because' sentiment. And that sort of reasoning falls... flat.
Carlos (as I will show as the story goes on) has a lot to love about the life he's left behind. And regardless of what new power or responsibility he may or may not accrue, how he lived and how he was raised has a big impact on how he sees the world, and on how he acts towards others.
No fancy equipment or powers could change the lessons he learned from the people he loved the most. In a sense, that's what I feel a lot of authors forget. They focus so much on the coolness of being in a new place with all this raw potency that they forget that these characters are people. Human. And regardless of any cynicism one may or may not harbor, we can't shake the fact that as a species, we can be quite compassionate.
That's not to say that those sorts of stories can't be fun to read! Some of them are just plain entertaining! It's simply not what I had in mind for my story.
whens update
5167606 5168479 You think you guys had it bad! People I knew had a kid in the UN "peace corps" , he ended up marrying the local school teacher and brought her back to the states, in November. A cold, WET November. Fresh from her native Guatemala, or was it Belize? I can't remember been to long, Culture shock was bad enough, three inches of ICE COLD rain water in the local Wall-mart parking lot a month before full on winter to get her clothes was almost to much for her.
Never have heard how that marrage worked out
Best. Day. Ever.
6136936 Whoa. That's one hardcore change! And she stayed? She has my respect!
6137379 Look who it is! Glad to see you've made it! Currently working on the next chapter. Hope to churn it out soon!
Use the force, Lu- ah, Revan.
6136936
Probably stubborn "If the locals and tough it out, then I'd die of shame if I didn't suck it up, too".
keep it up with marcus I like his character already to go so far for a friend is pretty selfless
6137412 Can't wait.
Oh shiiiit, I think i recognize cryo grenades and thermal detonators. Not sure what the first ones are (regular frags?)
This is obviously going to be a rather slow boil story but from what I've read so far it's going to be brilliant. I love every second of this from the very graphic scene where Carlos is sent to Equestria to his needing to survive. I can't wait to see him crawl from a scared survivor to the all powerful Revan we know and love!
Would the little alarm clock at the beginning happen to look like this?
i5.walmartimages.com/dfw/dce07b8c-638b/k2-_323a50a0-c9e4-42c3-a3a4-86640b92d634.v1.jpg
If so, that's the same model I have.
Moar, plz.
In the actual Displaced Lore the Merchant is literally described to have been and always will be a total asshole so I'm pretty sure he doesn't need to be that bored to do this sort of thing.
Wow... just wanna say that this story is AMAZING! I LOVE IT! I will be eagerly waiting for updates! Keep up the AWESOME work!!
Well, Carlos is a little dense currently. I don't blame him, but yeah. First thing you do in this sort of situation is check your gear. Even if something like what happened to him occurred and he knows what most every thing does but the mask, check every thing. He is going around with a light saber hanging off him, yet he hasn't popped its ignition cherry yet. I mean, the mask does stuff it shouldn't be able to, so why not his mock up light saber? Even excluding the fact that he still had his full set of equipment, plus a couple boxes that defy explanation and physics, and a bunch of shiny metal balls (as far as he knows any ways) and something that looks like a holocron, he also seems to have forgotten about his heavy metal pauldrons and the fact that his robes are backed up by a lot of leather, which in a pinch can make a better and faster manual fire starting cord than trying to roll the sticks between his hands. Oh, and I am disappointed in him for not recognizing bacta, even if he doesn't know how to use it.
5299349 this is perfect. That is all.
Where is that picture on the cover from?
Yaaay! exactly what I was looking for! Just found this today, and is awesome so far. I always love a good Displaced fic.
Damn it, just found this and now discover that it's been dead for 4 years. Just my luck.
6577136
The starwars comics of course.
Awesome story! Hope to read more.