Lucky Strife
Joined 24th May, 2012 ·
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Ok full disclosure: have not read het. That being said nothing in your description is a huge trigger warning to me as of yet. Bjt when you're currently sitting 0 : 5 on the ratings board with no comments yet I jjst gotta see. Diving in head first and will give feedback as I go!
Alrighty. Finished the first chapter. Not bad if a little different from my personal tastes. If your interested I can offer a short list of things I like / think could use some improvement. In general though I'd say nothing is wrong so I can only guess you're getting so many down votes due to your subject matter and pairing *shrugs*
upvote and fav, I love it and can't wait to read more
4985338
I will be the very first to admit that this is NOT my best work, nor did I put my absolute best into writing this. I did, however, write this for a very specific person in my life, and that I wrote this to make them happy. And it HAS made them happy. And as long as that continues to be the case, I'll continue to write it heh.
I also am writing this under a bit of a time-crunch, as I'm trying to get them out as fast as possible for them. If they want me to slow down, I will, but for now I want to make sure they stay happy, and so far I'm succeeding with that.
4985368 haha. I am no master writer myself but I get what you're saying. That your enjoying yourself and that your friend enjoys it is the most important thing.
I'll leave a single comment / suggestion as its something you can do that's a minor change but that I consider one of the few things your missing regularly. Tab or indentation at the star of each new paragraph really helps make a story easier to follow and looks fad nicer. That said its just a minor gripe I have and won't make a world of difference ether way. Haha.
Take care and good luck with your story!
That first chapter without anything more to read....
Keep up the good work.
Hmm, not too bad!
but where is the sweetie belle fic...
4986866
*Reads tiny font* A-heh, I started it, but never finished it sadly. Life got busy and I just didn't have the inspiration to write it the way I imagined it. Perhaps I will get around to finishing it soon, now that I've got a bit more inspiration to write smutty things again.
4986686
This fic IS going to heavily delve into 'submissive' play, but not in the full-blown "She is a slave/pet" play. There's also going to be a factor of 'humiliation' being a turn-on for Twilight, but it's not going to go 'full blown' humiliation. It's hard to say without spoiling it, but there won't be anything extreme or gross, and even if there was I would openly put up the tags about such content.
Anthro? You fucking casual.
I'm liking where this is going so far. Pacing is steady without dragging along. You're taking the time to establish Twilight and not rushing along for a Porn Without Plot.
Curious to learn more about Mac's background. Perhaps his PoV through the story or exposition via Rarity could give some insight.
Hoping the Like/Dislike rating ratio becomes more positive, eagerly awaiting more regardless.
4987524 as far as i can tell this is not an anthro story... too bad though because I like anthro a lot haha.
Needs more Ferguson-police-ending twist.
I can't help but feel that this holds a lot of promise. It kept me interested. I also like that both characters felt true to canon, which is rare in this sort of work.
Early days. But I'm watching for what follows.
Thanks for writing.
'Hot to Trot'
weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1386097648791498620.jpg
No, but seriously, AMAZING. I always love it when I see a story with so much dislikes and yet the over powering weight of good writing makes a breakthrough. You sir are quite the artist in the sense. Not once did I see a different Twilight, not once did I question whither or not this was ponyville, and not once have I ever scolded in frustration, 'Not How TO USE characters development.'
Congratulations my good sir. I add my green thumb of approval for your increasingly great fight to show all that good writing will always prevail. Keep fighting my friend.
If you care for some advice I can help with is that you might want to change the art cover. If your story has nothing to do with
AntrhoPlatypusses,Anthroplagerism, ANTHROPARMASIANCHEESE. OH to hell with it. Human/pony appearances. Then you show it with the first thing that everyone notices. Which is the art cover. Just some advice I have after helping writing Get Pinky. Hope it helps. Have a good day.4989551
The anthro picture wasn't my first pick, just there is quite a lack of good TwiMac art that fits what I had in mind for this story. Should I come across a better one, I will most likely use it instead. But thank you very much for your encouragement ^_^
4989813 this is a good story. Also anthro TwiMac is cute and sizzling hot. Can't wait for the next chapter.
You write twilight and Mac very well! Also, an interesting take on usual twimac. I only noticed a few spelling errors, and otherwise it was great.
Great start! I want to read more. Thumbs up!
Aww, that's sweet.
Can't wait for the next update
There is indeed a prrrrofound lack of this 'ship. Sooo...
SHIP IT! SHIP IT LIKE FEDEX!
I honestly dont understand why there's so many dislikes for this fic? There's no outstanding problems so far, no (serious) OOC, no grammar or spelling mistakes, a decent start. The only thing i can think of is the anthro haters or the TwiMac haters.
I can't see why there are so many downvotes. So far this has been a very tasteful and plausible treatment of a challenging subject matter. If people don't like a story premise I really don't see why they can't just move on without reading or judging.
The only thing that really jumped out at me as weird was Big Macintosh wandering around a sex shop in the first place and talking to strangers (since he mainly knew it was Twilight from her voice, I assume he didn't know it was her at first; could be wrong) in a setting in which discretion and privacy is very important. I honestly thought you were going to make him an employee or a supplier or something, but that didn't seem to be the case. Still, whatever, it worked well enough.
Good jorb!
I was redirected here by Rage Reviews.
4996034 we at rage reviews thank you!
The High Council of Time Lords on Gallifrey thanks you, Earth human.
It's good so far. I really like it - the plot, the characterisation, the entire flow of the piece. I'll be eagerly awaiting more.
But I would recommend a thorough proof-reading before you publish it. Quite a few minor errors and typos seem to have slipped through.
4997614
Well yes, as the description says it's not been edited, or run through a proof reader, and is written free-style. Small errors are going to crop up here or there.
I'm sorry if that's enough to pull you out of the experience of the writing, but I'm writing more for the sake of speed than I am superb quality right now.
4997699 It's nothing overly major. Just a few typos that upset the flow of things. Pulls the reader out of the story for a moment or two to regain their bearings, but it's not overly devastating. Just distracting.
This is very sweet. I approve.
Wow, that's actually a really good explanation. Nicely done.
Should be mane rather than main there at the end, but otherwise and excellent chapter.
4998647 Oops. Fixed those now.
Wonderful chapter. The flow is natural and nothing seems rushed.
There is a lot of emotion involved and I'm looking forward to seeing how it evolves between the two.
This is very well written for its topic.
This is the best fiction have ever read!! I was so excited when the second one came out, can't wait for the next one!!!!!!!!
Dear Lucky Strife.
Huh,well gusse that's one more fetish to add to my growing list. Anyways, this was...wonderful, I'm dead serious my good sir I'm hooked. This was well written, you nailed down Twilight and Big Mac, and aside form a few grammatical errors here and there (someone instead of somepony) , this is a really well put together fic, which makes me wonder why it has so much hate as it does?
Sincerely Yours, The Cake Devil.
4998528
Oh? Haha. What a surprise
As a Master, I have to ask if you have experience in being in either role, sub or dom. Because this is nearly dead on for an actually Sub/Dom relationship, where the sub is still learning and the dom is experienced. This fact is so important to a story like this that being true to the characterizations of canon characters is entirely irrelevant when you compare the two, at least IMO. But you have manged to hit Twilight spot on so far in her personality, while still keeping true to what a real beginning sub would be like. Big Mac fits the role of experienced Dom/Master flawlessly, though I wont say he is in character for his canon self. This is only because canon Big Mac doesn't have much of a personality, (Something Hasbro should really fix.) The first chapter earned itself a like for being good enough. This one has earned itself a favorite, and you a follower. I hope you continue to impress.
PS: If you do have questions, you may send a PM.
5006744
In terms of real-life experience, I have little to none. Most of the times I've been with a partner were much-more vanilla in terms of sexual encounters, with very little delving into kinks, fetishes, or master/pet play (mostly involving being called Master).
However, I have done a lot of reading and studying on the subject, and know the subject matter very well. About informing through both words and experience, about ensuring your partners comfort the entire time even while dominating them, and of taking care of them after any play-session with love. While I may not have the experience, I have the knowledge of how it's done right.
And that was part of why I wanted to share this story with others, showing more of "teaching and caring" side of the fetish, as opposed to just the fetish itself. I know there are a lot of people out there who think they know everything they need to with this type of fetish, but it can be surprising what knowledge you'll lack when in the moment itself. So I wanted to share more than just the "this is kinky" side with the story as well.
5006909 I'm glad to see your studying of the matter didn't include 'Read Fifty Shades of ThisAuthorIsRetarded and call myself an expert on all things bondage'. that has become all too common now. So far I can't find any flaws in the BDSD you're going for right now, but my offer stands. If you have questions on that part, I'll answer them.
I like that it's sadism play and not actual sadism. And, it honestly makes sense to make this a kink of Twilight's. A lot of submissives are folks who have a massive amount of responsibility and control in every aspect of their lives - being able to let go of that control is not only a source of excitement, but a way to literally just let go and de-stress.
This story definitely has me intrigued because I'm wondering where the main source of conflict will come from and also wondering if you're going to have Big Mac turn darker.
Big Mac pulls off the kind dom act wonderfully.
Suddenly I feel like reading this
why did this turn from anthro to non anthro and why is the source link still to the old image?.....
5009376
It was never anthro. But because of the cover picture, people thought it was. So I changed it to a new picture. Also I do need to change the source, I forgot about that. I'll fix that in a moment,
I was worried that this story was going to end up with Twilight being abused, but this is just beautiful. I can almost see them falling in love instead of being friends with benefits.