Ok full disclosure: have not read het. That being said nothing in your description is a huge trigger warning to me as of yet. Bjt when you're currently sitting 0 : 5 on the ratings board with no comments yet I jjst gotta see. Diving in head first and will give feedback as I go!
Alrighty. Finished the first chapter. Not bad if a little different from my personal tastes. If your interested I can offer a short list of things I like / think could use some improvement. In general though I'd say nothing is wrong so I can only guess you're getting so many down votes due to your subject matter and pairing *shrugs*
I will be the very first to admit that this is NOT my best work, nor did I put my absolute best into writing this. I did, however, write this for a very specific person in my life, and that I wrote this to make them happy. And it HAS made them happy. And as long as that continues to be the case, I'll continue to write it heh.
I also am writing this under a bit of a time-crunch, as I'm trying to get them out as fast as possible for them. If they want me to slow down, I will, but for now I want to make sure they stay happy, and so far I'm succeeding with that.
4985368 haha. I am no master writer myself but I get what you're saying. That your enjoying yourself and that your friend enjoys it is the most important thing.
I'll leave a single comment / suggestion as its something you can do that's a minor change but that I consider one of the few things your missing regularly. Tab or indentation at the star of each new paragraph really helps make a story easier to follow and looks fad nicer. That said its just a minor gripe I have and won't make a world of difference ether way. Haha.
4986866 *Reads tiny font* A-heh, I started it, but never finished it sadly. Life got busy and I just didn't have the inspiration to write it the way I imagined it. Perhaps I will get around to finishing it soon, now that I've got a bit more inspiration to write smutty things again.
4986686 This fic IS going to heavily delve into 'submissive' play, but not in the full-blown "She is a slave/pet" play. There's also going to be a factor of 'humiliation' being a turn-on for Twilight, but it's not going to go 'full blown' humiliation. It's hard to say without spoiling it, but there won't be anything extreme or gross, and even if there was I would openly put up the tags about such content.
I'm liking where this is going so far. Pacing is steady without dragging along. You're taking the time to establish Twilight and not rushing along for a Porn Without Plot.
Curious to learn more about Mac's background. Perhaps his PoV through the story or exposition via Rarity could give some insight.
Hoping the Like/Dislike rating ratio becomes more positive, eagerly awaiting more regardless.
I can't help but feel that this holds a lot of promise. It kept me interested. I also like that both characters felt true to canon, which is rare in this sort of work.
No, but seriously, AMAZING. I always love it when I see a story with so much dislikes and yet the over powering weight of good writing makes a breakthrough. You sir are quite the artist in the sense. Not once did I see a different Twilight, not once did I question whither or not this was ponyville, and not once have I ever scolded in frustration, 'Not How TO USE characters development.'
Congratulations my good sir. I add my green thumb of approval for your increasingly great fight to show all that good writing will always prevail. Keep fighting my friend.
If you care for some advice I can help with is that you might want to change the art cover. If your story has nothing to do with AntrhoPlatypusses,Anthroplagerism, ANTHROPARMASIANCHEESE. OH to hell with it. Human/pony appearances. Then you show it with the first thing that everyone notices. Which is the art cover. Just some advice I have after helping writing Get Pinky. Hope it helps. Have a good day.
The anthro picture wasn't my first pick, just there is quite a lack of good TwiMac art that fits what I had in mind for this story. Should I come across a better one, I will most likely use it instead. But thank you very much for your encouragement ^_^
I honestly dont understand why there's so many dislikes for this fic? There's no outstanding problems so far, no (serious) OOC, no grammar or spelling mistakes, a decent start. The only thing i can think of is the anthro haters or the TwiMac haters.
I can't see why there are so many downvotes. So far this has been a very tasteful and plausible treatment of a challenging subject matter. If people don't like a story premise I really don't see why they can't just move on without reading or judging. The only thing that really jumped out at me as weird was Big Macintosh wandering around a sex shop in the first place and talking to strangers (since he mainly knew it was Twilight from her voice, I assume he didn't know it was her at first; could be wrong) in a setting in which discretion and privacy is very important. I honestly thought you were going to make him an employee or a supplier or something, but that didn't seem to be the case. Still, whatever, it worked well enough. Good jorb!
i dont know what to say twilight will always be my wifu and i have no problem shipping her with 4 out of the main 6 and the princesses but out of all the stallion she can be shipped with big mac is the only one i support ..... oh and shinning death to flash sentry
Ok full disclosure: have not read het. That being said nothing in your description is a huge trigger warning to me as of yet. Bjt when you're currently sitting 0 : 5 on the ratings board with no comments yet I jjst gotta see. Diving in head first and will give feedback as I go!
Alrighty. Finished the first chapter. Not bad if a little different from my personal tastes. If your interested I can offer a short list of things I like / think could use some improvement. In general though I'd say nothing is wrong so I can only guess you're getting so many down votes due to your subject matter and pairing *shrugs*
upvote and fav, I love it and can't wait to read more
4985338
I will be the very first to admit that this is NOT my best work, nor did I put my absolute best into writing this. I did, however, write this for a very specific person in my life, and that I wrote this to make them happy. And it HAS made them happy. And as long as that continues to be the case, I'll continue to write it heh.
I also am writing this under a bit of a time-crunch, as I'm trying to get them out as fast as possible for them. If they want me to slow down, I will, but for now I want to make sure they stay happy, and so far I'm succeeding with that.
4985368 haha. I am no master writer myself but I get what you're saying. That your enjoying yourself and that your friend enjoys it is the most important thing.
I'll leave a single comment / suggestion as its something you can do that's a minor change but that I consider one of the few things your missing regularly. Tab or indentation at the star of each new paragraph really helps make a story easier to follow and looks fad nicer. That said its just a minor gripe I have and won't make a world of difference ether way. Haha.
Take care and good luck with your story!
That first chapter without anything more to read....
Keep up the good work.
twilight, that's not how you do it
Hmm, not too bad!
but where is the sweetie belle fic...
4986866
*Reads tiny font* A-heh, I started it, but never finished it sadly. Life got busy and I just didn't have the inspiration to write it the way I imagined it. Perhaps I will get around to finishing it soon, now that I've got a bit more inspiration to write smutty things again.
4986686
This fic IS going to heavily delve into 'submissive' play, but not in the full-blown "She is a slave/pet" play. There's also going to be a factor of 'humiliation' being a turn-on for Twilight, but it's not going to go 'full blown' humiliation. It's hard to say without spoiling it, but there won't be anything extreme or gross, and even if there was I would openly put up the tags about such content.
Anthro? You fucking casual.
I'm liking where this is going so far. Pacing is steady without dragging along. You're taking the time to establish Twilight and not rushing along for a Porn Without Plot.
Curious to learn more about Mac's background. Perhaps his PoV through the story or exposition via Rarity could give some insight.
Hoping the Like/Dislike rating ratio becomes more positive, eagerly awaiting more regardless.
4987524 as far as i can tell this is not an anthro story... too bad though because I like anthro a lot haha.
Needs more Ferguson-police-ending twist.
I can't help but feel that this holds a lot of promise. It kept me interested. I also like that both characters felt true to canon, which is rare in this sort of work.
Early days. But I'm watching for what follows.
Thanks for writing.
'Hot to Trot'
weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1386097648791498620.jpg
No, but seriously, AMAZING. I always love it when I see a story with so much dislikes and yet the over powering weight of good writing makes a breakthrough. You sir are quite the artist in the sense. Not once did I see a different Twilight, not once did I question whither or not this was ponyville, and not once have I ever scolded in frustration, 'Not How TO USE characters development.'
Congratulations my good sir. I add my green thumb of approval for your increasingly great fight to show all that good writing will always prevail. Keep fighting my friend.
If you care for some advice I can help with is that you might want to change the art cover. If your story has nothing to do with
AntrhoPlatypusses,Anthroplagerism, ANTHROPARMASIANCHEESE. OH to hell with it. Human/pony appearances. Then you show it with the first thing that everyone notices. Which is the art cover. Just some advice I have after helping writing Get Pinky. Hope it helps. Have a good day.4989551
The anthro picture wasn't my first pick, just there is quite a lack of good TwiMac art that fits what I had in mind for this story. Should I come across a better one, I will most likely use it instead. But thank you very much for your encouragement ^_^
4989813 this is a good story. Also anthro TwiMac is cute and sizzling hot. Can't wait for the next chapter.
You write twilight and Mac very well! Also, an interesting take on usual twimac. I only noticed a few spelling errors, and otherwise it was great.
Great start! I want to read more. Thumbs up!
Aww, that's sweet.
Can't wait for the next update
There is indeed a prrrrofound lack of this 'ship. Sooo...
SHIP IT! SHIP IT LIKE FEDEX!
I honestly dont understand why there's so many dislikes for this fic? There's no outstanding problems so far, no (serious) OOC, no grammar or spelling mistakes, a decent start. The only thing i can think of is the anthro haters or the TwiMac haters.
I can't see why there are so many downvotes. So far this has been a very tasteful and plausible treatment of a challenging subject matter. If people don't like a story premise I really don't see why they can't just move on without reading or judging.
The only thing that really jumped out at me as weird was Big Macintosh wandering around a sex shop in the first place and talking to strangers (since he mainly knew it was Twilight from her voice, I assume he didn't know it was her at first; could be wrong) in a setting in which discretion and privacy is very important. I honestly thought you were going to make him an employee or a supplier or something, but that didn't seem to be the case. Still, whatever, it worked well enough.
Good jorb!
I was redirected here by Rage Reviews.
i dont know what to say twilight will always be my wifu and i have no problem shipping her with 4 out of the main 6 and the princesses but out of all the stallion she can be shipped with big mac is the only one i support ..... oh and shinning death to flash sentry