During a scouting mission, Bright Justice, Smoke Bomb, and SgtMaj Dusky come across an injured changeling who they bring before Celestia. Since Changelings are outlawed in Equestria, the changeling is instantly thrown into the dungeon under the watch of Bright Justice and his companion, Cloudy Steel. Knowing that the poor changeling is innocent, Bright and Cloudy won't stand for an innocent creature behind bars.
originally by GodOfBBQ
Adopted by me, Lord Despair an old fan of the fic now it's new Author I hope you fans will love me as you him
Chapters (9)
ok can't see luna or twilight simply going along with celestias plan no matter what happened in canterlot.
I agree with your assessment on the changeling episode. I wish they'd bring them back in future episodes. I personally like the changelings and read many stories on them with Celestia being mean and ones where she's good. This is one where I've seen her go over the deep end in my opinion. Hope to read more soon don't keep me waiting!
Okay, it was good, but a few problems.
Celestia is extremely OOC here. The real Celestia would never do that. Maybe the guards, yes, but no Celestia.
Bright Justice is a little too good for his own good. Just saying.
Honestly, most of the canon characters are OOC here.
You need an editor. Not as bad as other authors, but a you need one, none the less.
To be honest, when you think about it, Crysallis isn't really a villain. She's queen of the changlings, and it is therefore her duty to find food for them. Sure, she could have come to a compromise with Celestia, but having grown up in what was probably hate, she wouldn't know any other way.
it feels forced, i dont like when a story feels forced.
still i am not disliking the story. yet
Do you have an editor? There are many places in this chapter where the wrong words are used or unnecessary words were added that make the reading cumbersome. I'm noticing to many errors to get engrossed in the story. It seems like it would be a good read if the grammar was cleaned up a little. Don't stop trying.
Sorry I couldn't read it past chapter 2 it was very OOC fast paced without real world building, and oh god saying he was cunning when he acted like moron was just to much for me. I though its gonna be something interesting with clash of morale codes or something but no it didn't offer anything interesting. Characters is mary sue additionaly
Ugh.
Yet another wonderful idea for a story that has been destroyed by a writer who doesn't know how to write.
First chapter describes about 3-4 chapters worth of material that was sacrificed in order to get to the action as quickly as possible.
Horrifying tense and basic grammar issues.
Misspellings and incorrect punctuation.
Blatant evidence of putting blind faith in spell-checker.
1st Chapter Conclusion: Needs to be re-written, either by someone else who knows how to write, or by the author after he takes some classes.
There is more hope for a inspired person with bad English, than a grammar nazi without an imagination. Remember this.
A Faithful Critic,
CanoLathra
Pashtun,
World is too negative against changelings,
and all executions would have multiple interviews with the inmate first.
Even more so in a 'peaceful society'
5402545 well aren't you the nicest critic I've met all day!
Also that's just, your opinion bro. And like I have the time to listen to your insults.
5402545
Seriously, if your going to be a critic, please do it in a polite fashion.
What if celly isn't OOC, she's just under a spell...
DUN DUN DUUUNNNN
Not bad. You caught my interest.
not sure if that's a error but looks like it.
might want to add a coma there.
um what?
your
misspelling galore.
also you might want to add comas through out this one in places. still good job.
6286791 thanks for bringing those errors to my attention, I'll fix em in a moment
It doesn't have a dragon 030
AWESOME CHAPTER!
6497766 thanks
Celestia related to commander Hurricane? well she was a pegasus if remember correctly. Ya world development! i'll mail you the errors.
side note: wonder what Luna's up to?
6498193 I cant say much about Luna cause that would be spoilers but I'm glad you enjoyed the world-building
The truely worst way to die, is in a device I call the fear machine. You are knocked unconscious and subjected to your worst fears, each one worse that the last until you go insane, or have a heart attack. I reserve it for the worst ponies in equestria, the ones who are cold cunning and very brilliant. It is the worst form of torture there is
Princess Celestia. I say that the changeling know as hivie is to be declared not guilty. All who try to oppose my decree shall face the penalty of the fear machine. The last time I used this device, the draconaquis known as discord or Q lost his sanity and purged our world into chaos. I do not wish to have to do the same to you. Do I make myself clear.
Is blade edge supposed to be like the cannibal guy from silence of the lambs? If so, get that stallion some fava beans to go with his liver
6853114 yes blade edge in kinda of loosely based off of Hannibal
I'm a just say one thing- We have the same cover pics XD I know it's not important, but...
Still. XD
This story's great, by the way!
6860036 thanks
6860119 no prob!
5613818 what does ooc stand for?
6894248 hmm not quite sure
6894248 Out Of Character, basically making someone do something that they wouldn't do.
6896017 oh
Okay, i read this for a long while, and it's awesome. please do more.
7194853 more is in the plans
Green blood form the changeling? !
its okay. Waiting for more
Celestia needs to get her brain checked and then sliced....
8062556
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/755095/stories-important-news
6853009
You know.. There was a similar device used in the original star trek series..