Twilight Gets Scam E-mails

by Derpator

I am rich business man to put money in your bank account, yes?

“Spike!” Twilight hollered, making sure her voice would be heard. “Come here! It’s finally done!”

The rapid pacing of feet could be heard as Spike charged his way across the library to check out Twilight’s invention. A few huffs escaped him as he emerged in Twilight’s workroom, and inside, the device within.

“Finally? After all this time?” he replied, reducing his speed down to a walk.

“That’s right,” Twilight said with a warm smile. She pointed to her marvellous creation. “After only a time of precisely two months, fourteen days, seventeen hours and thirty-six minutes, I, Twilight Sparkle, have developed the WebNet.”

“The WebNet?” Spike asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s correct,” Twilight confirmed, whirling around on her chair up to her desk. She began mashing at the keyboard. “By my ingenious, I have developed a system that will not only allow ponies to share and browse their choice of public secrets or desires, but the new e-mailing application I put in will allow them to converse with one another.”

Spike scratched his chin. “Wait, run that last one by me again.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “E-mail. It allows ponies to exchange messages of business or private matters to one another in confidence. That is, until I add in the filter so that I can see every e-mail that is sent or received. I did create this after all.”

“Twilight? Not only does reading others’ personal messages sound creepy, but we already have a perfectly good delivery system as it is.”

“Spike,” Twilight said playfully, “I should think that the creator of this system has a right to know what its recipients are doing with it. I am not spying on anypony. I am observing and monitoring data for research.” She paused in her frantic keyboard playing, twisting to face Spike. “And what’s this ‘other’ system then?”

Spike folded his arms. “Really? You’re not aware of a little something that goes along the name of ‘letters’? Not to mention I barf up letters exchanged between you and Princess Celestia. Ponies don’t need this new way to chat to one another when they can write, or better yet, go outside and socialise.”

Twilight shook her head in denial and chuckled, turning back around before typing on the keyboard. “Spike, Spike, Spike. What’s the need for that? With my new system, ponies can do it digitally! Who needs to go outside when they can chat on the WebNet twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week?”

“You, apparently...” Spike mumbled under his breath.

“What was that?” Twilight asked, still staring at the screen.

“Nothing.”

“Yeah,” Twilight replied with a sly grin. “Better be nothing.” She continued to play with the keyboard, even moving the mouse around, a few clicks here and there. With a final tap, she shouted out, “Aha! It’s online!”

Spike moved in close so he could see the screen. “It is? Now everypony can connect?”

“That’s right,” Twilight replied, sitting back and crossing her hooves. “Finally, after all this time. Now we just have to hook up everypony with a computer, and we’re all set for the WebNet. I shall create a page just to test things out, and—“

A blinking sound echoed out from the screen, cutting Twilight off. “Huh?” she mumbled, inching towards the screen. “What was that?”

Spike stared at the screen, noting a ‘1’ icon right by what he presumed to be an envelope. He pointed to it. “Uh Twilight? I think you have an e-mail.”

“What? An e-mail? Impossible! I just finished this! How can anypony do this?” She sighed. “Oh well, let’s take a look.”

Spike tugged at Twilight’s hoof. “Twilight, do you think that’s the best idea?”

Twilight’s lip curled up. “What harm could it do?” She clicked on the envelope icon, bringing up a customised screen she created herself, holding everything and anything related to an e-mail. She scrolled to the ‘Inbox’ folder, and opened up the message. “Alright, here we go.”

Hello,

I have come into a large sum of money recently. I am a Neighgerian prince with breaking news. My son died the last week, leaving in the sum of 1,543,846,000 bits. I am unable to claim the inheritance as I am in a different country. I am here to seek an avenue that I can use to safety transfer my son’s wealth into somewhere where it can be secure. I would be willing to share half of my son’s inheritance with you. All I require is a reply to this e-mail and then I can transfer the money into your bank account.

Twilight gasped. “Spike, can you believe this?! We’re going to be rich!” She started clapping her hooves together, squealing in delight.

Spike deadpanned as he read over the message again. “Twilight? I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but this sounds kind of sketchy.”

“What are you talking about, Spike?” Twilight replied, still full of glee. She pointed back at the screen. “It says it right here. 1,534,846,000 bits are at stake here. By my calculations from this e-mail, detailing that I am entitled to half of this, I shall receive 767,423,000 bits. And I don’t know about you, but that’s a lot! I’m going to reply.”

Spike interjected quickly, pushing Twilight’s hoof off the keyboard. “Twilight, no! Stop!”

Twilight frowned. “Spike, just what is the matter? What’s the harm here?”

Spike panicked, thinking on the spot. He knew something was up with it, but all he needed was the pieces. “Okay...” he said, coming up with ideas. “First off, where is Neighgeria?”

Twilight shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“Okay, secondly, why would this ‘prince’ want to share his son’s inheritance with you?”

Twilight chuckled, rolling her eyes. “Isn’t it obvious? Who else is better to gain such a large sum of money than me? I manage finances perfectly. He'd be crazy not to.”

“That may be so Twilight, but I don’t see why some Neighgerian prince would share a whopping sum of money with anyone. Especially someone who he’s never met. At least, I don’t think you’ve met this guy.” Twilight began to open her mouth.

“And last of all, how will he have access to your bank account just by replying? I’m telling you Twilight, this doesn’t sound right.”

Twilight pondered it over, tapping her chin with a hoof. “You have a point, Spike. How did this guy get my e-mail anyway? You know, because I just invented it!”

“Exactly,” Spike concurred, turning back and reading the e-mail again. “This can’t be real. It has to be some kind of con, or a scam. You know, like those Flim Flam brothers.”

“Then what’s the best course of action?” Twilight wondered. “If this thing is a way of obtaining my details, what can we do to rid of it?”

“You could always put it in the Trash Bin,” Spike suggested, pointing clearly towards a bin icon.

“Oh yes. Of course,” Twilight replied sheepishly. Doing what Spike suggested, she dragged the e-mail over from the Inbox into the Trash Bin. “There.” She sighed. “Now I can resume my—“

Another blink occurred, and the Inbox folder gained a number ‘2’ by it.

Twilight groaned. “Again? How is this possible? I just invented this thing for Celestia’s sake!”

Spike furrowed his brow. “I don’t know Twilight, but let’s have a look anyway.”

Twilight mumbled something incoherent, likely to do with the e-mails ruining her progress of finalising the WebNet. She clicked on the Inbox folder.

Dear PBE customer,

We would like to inform you that we are upgrading our security systems. To do this, we request that every customer give us verification of their details. We request that you fill out the forms below so that we can verify your details.

Regards,
Public Bank of Equestria

“Spike, go get my bank folders.” Twilight was surprised at why Spike was giving her a deadpan look. “What?”

“It’s a scam.”

“What? But how do you know that?”

Spike sighed. “Really Twilight? They didn’t send anyone around to tell you, or give you a letter. No, they decide to give you a digital letter right after you invented e-mail. They would have changed their terms and conditions, and they certainly wouldn’t ever ask you to input your personal bank details. It’s a scam.”

Twilight squinted her face. “Are you... are you sure?” She sighed. “Thank you Spike. If you weren’t here, who knows what would have happened just now. I don’t think I’ll be clicking on this so-called ‘link’ then.”

“That’d be best,” Spike agreed. “But what’s the other one then?”

Twilight and Spike exchanged a look that both showed they were annoyed at the scams, but curious too. “Alright, here goes,” Twilight said unenthusiastically, clicking on the final notification.

Dear Citizen of Ponyville,

Ever wanted to eat a cupcake but not wanted to move? Have you wanted to taste the delicious, scrumptious treat but have always hated how you had to get up and walk to Sugarcube Corner?

Well now you don’t have to! Sugarcube Corner is now introducing its new Delivery System, where all you have to do is click below, and we’ll send you a special batch of cupcakes once a week.

Don’t hold back! Click below to receive your free cupcakes!

Click it Twilight!

Twilight was dumbfounded at that one. “What...”

Spike was equally as confused. “I... don’t know.”

Twilight shrugged. “Oh well, into the Trash Bin you go.” Her hoof moving the mouse was halted as she felt a claw touch her. “Spike?”

“Hang on a moment Twilight,” Spike replied, gazing at the screen. “This doesn’t look like a scam.”

“What is it then?” Twilight asked with a blank face. “It’s junk, isn’t it?”

Spike rubbed the skin underneath his chin. “Looks like it, but this one is different. It’s advertising something, not asking for your details.”

“So it’s junk,” Twilight repeated matter-of-factly.

“I guess you could say so. But I think you should click on it.”

“What!” Twilight yelled. She blushed a little, mumbling an apology when Spike leered at her.

“It’s from Sugarcube Corner apparently, so what harm could it do?”

Twilight wiped her forehead with a hoof. “I-I don’t know Spike.” She heard a click. “Spike! What did you do?!”

“I clicked it,” he replied.

Twilight was about to yell at and possibly punish Spike for his reckless behaviour, but before she could say anything, there was a gentle knocking at the library door. Still giving the dragon a look to say, “I’m not finished with you yet,” she sauntered over towards the front door.

“Hey Twilight!” came a voice as soon as the door started to open. Twilight recognised it immediately.

“Hey Pinkie Pie,” she cheerfully replied upon spotting the pink pony. “What brings you around?”

Pinkie Pie pulled out a box from behind her, presenting it in front of her. “Thank you for subscribing to Sugarcube Corner’s Delivery System. Here are your cupcakes.” She opened the box to reveal a dozen and a bit of ravishing treats.

“Wait...” Twilight thought out loud. “I didn’t subscribe to anything.”

Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “Duh, yeah you did! I got your e-mail confirmation just a few seconds ago, and as soon as I did, I ran as fast as I could to give the first subscriber her cupcakes! Enjoy!” Without even any time to react, Pinkie Pie dashed off, leaving only a few clouds in her place.

Twilight looked around her anxiously. Still with doubt, she lifted up the box of cupcakes with her magic and brought it inside, closing the door behind her. “Thanks Pinkie, I guess...” she muttered to herself as she trotted along.

It took Twilight a few seconds to figure something out, and she stopped still in her tracks as soon as it hit her. “Hang on... How does Pinkie Pie have e-mail?!”

Author's Note:

I didn't put a lot of effort into this. It probably shows. I was getting tired of getting these sorts of e-mails, so I decided to take a crack at it.

And if any of those e-mails look a bit awkwardly worded, it's because they're supposed to be. They often are, which is a good sign to spot a scam e-mail.

I'm sure a lot of us have run into this sort of thing.

Comments

[Gleaming]

Now Twilight knows how I feel when I see spam e-mails.

[goaway]

I got account security emails from fifty different banks ... but never my "own".

[Doktor Vitruvius]

It doesn't really have an ending, but I enjoyed it anyway. FiM needs more of Spike being the only sane one of the bunch as well.

I'd comment in more detail, but I just got an email informing me about cheap and effective male enhancement available without prescription from Caneighda, and I'd be a fool not to check this out.

[scoots2]

Hilarious! I'm sure that would happen. The one-click purchase sounds ominous, though. Amazon keeps wanting me to do that.

I don't know if you've ever seen this. An actor named Dean Cameron got one of those Nigerian scam emails and wrote back. It escalated, and eventually became a two-man show. And he kept the emails, and now they are online.Nigerian Spam Scam Scam.

[nopeeeee]

A fan fiction with a moral. Classy.

[Derpator]

4760761
ARGH! Why didn't I use that? I was actually browsing my junk e-mail, but it seems I deleted all my scam stuff. I had to dig into the old memory to dig them out. As for the ending, yeah, I didn't know how to end it. Kept to the Random, but I didn't want Twilight to be scammed here. Would have been pretty dry.

4760765
Pinkie has her ways. Somehow, she knows all and sees all. I'll have to check out that scam story too. These things get pretty damn annoying at times.

[scoots2]

4760799 Oh, my god, "enhancement!" That would have been perfect! I'm always amused when I get ads offering to help me enhance bits I haven't got.

You realize that you may need to write a sequel now.

[pendrake72]

4760799

You also forgot the one where Princess Cadance sends an desperate e-mail stating how she was travelling about Germaneigh and had all her money, ID, and even passports, stolen. Now, posting from a public café computer because the hotel she was staying at will not let her back in, Princess Cadance is requesting that she be sent some funds to help tide her over until she can receive help from the local Equestrian embassy.

[Winter Storm]

Damn that zebra prince wanting to share his wealth with Twilight!

[Doktor Vitruvius]

4760799 You can save it for the sequel where Rainbow Dash gets a chain email that she has to send to ten more ponies. "Does it count if I send it to you twice? There still aren't that many computers in Ponyville."

[fractalman]

awww, what a nice ending!

just be glad that clicking the button didn't give you a virus!

[Blitz the Dragon]

My mom had the bright idea to have me put a resume on Careerbuilder. Even though I took it down, to this day, I'm constantly getting "job offers" for "logistics specialists" (aka money laundering)

[Dash Aradele]

LOL, my mom got this really hilariously spelled and grammatical-error-overloaded scam email once. I love reading those, they're so funny!
At least Pinkie's wasn't spam! ;3

[Magello]

Listen, you don't just say no to speedy cupcakes.

[Fluttershylover3]

now this was funny

[Sh4dowWalker96]

6027772
FREE speedy cupcakes at that. You'd be insane not to.

[I need a new name tbh]

I actually haven't gotten scam emails before, but if I do, I want to do like James vietch (YouTube series scamalot) and troll the escammers