Luna learns a secret about the moon. A secret that Celestia never had the heart to tell her.
Cover art done by Nyarmarr.
Edited by Cerulean Voice. Thank you so much.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 10th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen May 21st, 2021
Michael Hudson
Original Works. It was a good run.
Michael Hudson
Joined 10th Feb, 2014 ·
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I LOVED IT!!!
I'm confused. What happened to Luna?
A sad Luna story, both of you wrote this very well.
4740362 I will be leaving this up to the reader. All I will guaranty is that she lost her powers and the gifts that came with them, including her immortality.
4740381 Hey, I wrote this myself. In fact, CV only had to
*Looks at the amount of comments on the doc*
Er, maybe I should give more credit to CV?
4740393 Hmm, yes.
4740393
This is not sad. First, because you made Luna so flat as to be a piece of paper. Second, by having Celestia just accept it.
No, just no.
4740488 My editor put it the best way. It is a melancholy mood piece not meant to actually raise tears. It is simply Luna's decision with what may feel like a shadow of a life. Celestia also does not simply accept it. She tries to remind Luna of what she has going for her, but she has to quickly accept that Luna has given this a lot of thought. I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy it, but I hope I helped you realize my thoughts while writing this.
A'ight, I've had enough of this cliffhangers, JumbledThought, I know who where gonna let the readers to decide what's next, but I am having enough of these cliffhangers. By any chance is there a sequel to it? If not pm me and I would be more than happy to write a sequel, to say on that note, all credit for the original goes to you and you're editor, I will link the sequel to you and yes after I'm done and my editor checks it you'll be the first to be read it. Pm me if your okay with me doing a sequel to your story
4740520 This wasn't supposed to be a cliffhanger...
I really like the central concept: That Luna is weakened and Celestia has been secretly helping her since she came back. But I feel that you rushed through the fallout from this way too quickly. You basically had an end goal in mind, Luna fading away to some unspecified point, and then rushed to that goal as quickly as you could. Inasmuch, Luna comes out looking like a petulant drama queen. This would have been better with a few thousand more words weaved in, in my opinion.
~Super Trampoline
4740388
It's a nice story but I dont think leaving Luna's fate to the readers imagination really works in this case. Everything is just too vague.
4740516
No. Even if I accepted Luna like that, I don't, and can't, accept that Celestia would sit by like that while her sister commits suicide. I can't accept that any loving anything would sit by while their sibling draws a blade across their artery without doing everything in their power to stop them. And YES that is exactly what Luna is doing. She is voluntarily shortening her life-span because she's depressed, that is suicide. If there was some purpose, something to be gained by her actions, then maybe, maybe Celestia could sit by, but this? No.
4741216 If your lifespan was 1000 years plus, things might be different.
th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/211/5/b/mlp__cadence_pony_shrug_by_saffie_chan-d595wd9.png
4741798
That is not a valid point. Regardless of how long you live, intentionally shortening your life out of depression is suicide, whether it takes five seconds or one hundred years. She is killing herself where she would otherwise live on.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and allowing it to happen when you could stop it is never okay.
4741835 Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but most of Luna's dialogue is her justifying her action and debunking Celestia's argument. She states that her life is nothing right now, and that before anypony could truly trust her she would have to wait even longer for this to happen. She is done waiting though and having no purpose. The whole reason for Luna's life has been snuffed out, and with her purpose and hope gone, she makes sure Celestia can continue doing what she did for the 1000 years she was gone. Rule, without ever having to show fear or weakness, over day AND night. I hope this is at least somewhat a good answer to you. I honestly see it as someone moving on, as most immortals could at some point. Wether by dieing, or simply stepping away from her position, she is no longer, the princess of the night.
4741835 And if they're immortal?
I'm not condoning suicide, I'm just pointing out that these two's morality/values might be different.
4741981
I fail to see how that makes it anything but worse. You go from a finite amount of time lost to an infinite amount of time lost. I don't accept the 'Who Wants to Live Forever' trope. There is always something to live for.
4742012
But that's how you see it. How does Luna see it? How does Celestia see it?
I thought this had a very interesting concept but it just ran through everything so fast. There's no build up to Luna's decision and Celestia's inaction feels false. I agree with the comment above stating that she would have done anything to prevent this from reaching its conclusion.
To me, it didn't even feel sad so much as frustrating. Clearly this was her only option in-story, but there's hardly any exploration of other options that could flesh this out some.
This was... not great. It was rushed as all plucking hail, and both Celestia and Luna felt out of character. It just... This wasn't sad. It shouldn't have a sad tag. A slice of life tag, perhaps, or even maybe a Tragedy tag, but a sad tag?
This wasn't sad. It was tragic. You can have a tragedy happen and not have it be very sad. You can't have a sad-fic that doesn't leave you sad.
Still, overall... You just did a 'meh' job with a good idea. It was too rushed, and the song didn't really make any sense in reference to what was going on. In short:
i.imgur.com/hSYDF.gif
I'm going to agree with most of the other people here and feel that the end was a little too rushed. You can add some more to the middle to spice it up a bit. Having Celestia just quickly accept it seems unfathomable.
4743644 I will not dispute the rushed feeling or that my representation of some events were poorly done. However, you did say this was tragic. Tragic is a form of sadness. Is this a tear jerker? No. However, it is not a tragedy by what the site and I believe it is. A tragedy is when someone sets out to do something and fails. Hence why there can be comedy tragedies. If I had made it more focused on Celestia having been apparant of the problem earlier then almost a minute before it happened, it would have been tragedy. However, there was no goal for any of the characters to be crushed about, simply a sad circumstance as someone accepted they had no reason to live anymore.
4743839 Except that your reasoning is flawed. A tragedy is also when someone fails due to their own flaws. Luna, in essence, KILLS HERSELF due to her lack of self-confidence/worth/whatever. If becoming mortal and losing your purpose isn't tragic, I will stab myself. This story is not sad. A sad tag means the overall story is sad, but we don't even get a hint at that until the middle.
And as far as setting out to do something and failing, which is what you said Tragedy is... Did tou miss the part where Luna tried to raise her moon and failed, thus resulting in the story, ending with her realising she never had her moon back, and lost her cutie mark, which was a crescent moon? Seems like she plucking failed to do what she set out to do to me!
This feels insufficient. And a bit rushed. It's a weighty thing you're doing here, and the delivery here is unconvincing. I didn't even realize Luna was killing herself rather than simply resigning from her position until reading the comments. Not enough weight is given to support that conclusion, and "the moon rising" doesn't really work as a metaphor for her dying. Especially when the moon setting would make much more sense in that context.
It's not a bad story. It's not a bad premise. It's not poorly written. But it just really needs more. We love Luna. Reading about her in this premise needs to carry more emotional weight than this delivers.
I...don't really understand.
Luna couldn't raise the moon, so she saw herself as a burden to her sister and thought she couldn't play the role of a Night princess anymore, so she killed herself?
That seems like poor reasoning to me.
Having said that, I think Celestia would have done more to stop her rather than just 'letting it happen' as she seemed to.
I mean, that's her SISTER for pony's sake. Someone she's known for her ENTIRE LIFE. where's the intervention? Celestia's persuasive argument seems weak and flawed, as if she's not really trying to convince her sister to not kill herself (something that I figured out only after reading the comments btw)
Luna seems...OOC. I mean I understand, we don't really have much of a Luna character to go off of in the show except for an episode and a few appearances, but c'mon. I hardly think Luna would decide to off herself after only JUST discovering what she's unable to do, that feeling needs to sit and fester for a while, it felt waaay too rushed and I don't feel like we got Luna's side of the story very well.
Don't take any of this as me thinking it's a bad story, it certainly isn't, but it maybe needs to be a little longer and you may need an editor (just read the story synopsis and it seems you already have an editor, my bad) and a pre reader to help you out. Just a suggestion.
4744551 about the moon rising, and that stuff they were singing at the end, the song was in the second to last episode of my little pony friendship is magic season four. Do you even watch the show? DO YOU?
Wow... that just happened...
This story is really powerful, and the ending...
Good job.
4745263
yeah, i don't know why tia didn't really say anything.
Just because she couldn't control the moon didn't mean she couldn't be a night princess. She would have gotten enough power at some point, maybe.
4743914
Luna didn't become mortal, she just lost the arcane power required to raise and set the moon.