The Will to Wane
Luna smiled as she watched the sunset, the golden globe lowering inch by inch. She narrowed her eyes as the last of its rays met with the horizon.
Now! She reached out with her magic, and smiled as she thought of the ease with which she could perform such a vital task. However, tonight was different. Tonight she was going to break her record and raise it faster than mortal eyes had ever seen before.
Focusing, she felt the tug become greater and greater; she added more and more to the spell as magic radiated from her illuminated horn. She shut her eyes as she felt pain stab into her mind and lowered her head, her flank high in the air. Such was her position when her new maid arrived, bearing a tray of hot tea.
“Eep!”
Luna ignored the yelp and retained her focus on her task. However, the scalding liquid on her flank was just a little too hot for the great Princess of the Moon to ignore. She turned to her rear and sighed in relief as she saw her moon was still white, but then turned her gaze on the maid. “You dare disturb me while I am performing my royal duties? What gall must you possess to attempt something so foolish?”
She raised an eyebrow when she noticed the maid audaciously averting her eyes, instead staring off into the distance. She decided to indulge the mare by looking out her window. An involuntary shiver ran through her body, for the moon was rising despite her no longer tending to it.
“Fetch my sister at once.”
Luna scowled as the mare simply stood there.
“If you value your life, you will summon my sister to my side immediately!”
Luna squeezed her eyes shut as the maid ran out. Her mind swirled, attempting to comprehend what she’d long thought impossible. Except that I have thought about it. Through night after night, this nightmare has tormented me. Luna walked over to a mirror in her room and looked at the dark blue mare in the reflection. She grimaced as she thought of how her look did not match how she felt. Tears were already coming down her face as Celestia charged into the room.
“Sister, are you all right? Your maid seemed quite panicked.”
Celestia put a hoof onto Luna’s shoulder and gasped as she saw the tears in her eyes. “What ails you, Luna?”
Luna wiped the tears from her eyes and took in a shuddering breath. Slowly, she stood. “I cannot help but dwell upon how much has changed in a thousand years. It is a topic I have been giving a lot of thought to recently. Would you mind… staying for a short while?”
Celestia smiled and sat next to Luna. “Sure. You know I always have time for you, sister.”
Luna smiled back, though it quickly fleeted. “When was the last time you needed sleep?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Last night, if I recall correctly.”
Luna shook her head. “I mean actually needed it.”
Celestia looked down and sighed. “I seemed to stop needing it almost three hundred years ago. Over time, ponies began to require my aid more frequently during the night. Eventually, I adapted to the steadily shortening hours of rest that I was able to steal.”
Luna nodded, staring at the floor. “You did good work, though. The Earth, Unicorn, Pegasus Guard does well in its duties, especially at night. Makes it fairly peaceful for me most flights.”
Celestia smiled again and puffed out her chest; the move was subtle, yet Luna did not miss it. “I do like to think my original methods in training them after you left have had some impact on their current status.”
Luna’s ear twitched and she walked out to the balcony. A cacophony of noise assaulted her ears from below. “Disgusting night music,” she said. She paused and then turned to Celestia. “Would you not agree that they corrupt my peaceful night with such loud music and rough-housing?”
Celestia frowned slightly. “Luna, are you okay?”
“Please, just answer the question.”
Celestia sighed as she thought about how somber her sister was acting. “It took a lot of getting used to, but I had the gradual progression through things like rock and roll. Be thankful it isn’t reggae.” She chuckled until she saw another tear roll down Luna’s face. “Sister, please tell me what is wrong.”
Luna turned to Celestia, but then turned away. “The moon isn’t at the top of its arc. Allow me to raise it.”
She focused her magic and locked her sight upon the moon. This time she put enough of herself into the spell that her aura almost blinded her as she yelled out in pain. Even though her vision had begun to blur and was blocked by her magic, she still saw the moon start to move. She immediately turned to her sister as she turned her magic off. Faint trails of golden magic danced around Celestia’s horn.
“How long?”
Celestia looked away. “Please do not make me tell you, Luna.”
Luna put a hoof onto Celestia’s shoulder; a tear rolled down her face. “Tell me, please. I need to know.”
Celestia hesitated at the sadness and desperation within her sister’s voice, but finally answered. “I believe you were weakened more than any of us dared to believe by the Elements of Harmony. I have been doing it since you were banished, and have never stopped.”
Luna slowly shook her head and let out a small chuckle. “Sister, I will miss you.”
Celestia’s eyes widened. “What do you mean, Luna?”
Luna looked back and gave Celestia a weak smile. “Don’t worry, I shan’t relapse into Nightmare Moon. However, I am tired, Celestia. I am tired of this charade of thinking: thinking that I still belong, that I am anything more than a burden.”
Celestia scowled as she held tears back. “Is that what all that talk earlier was about? Proving you weren’t needed so you could leave?”
Luna looked down, but eventually nodded. “In a manner... yes. It is not merely my job having been replaced, or being unable to keep up with all of the changes that have happened in the time I missed. No, it goes beyond that.”
Luna looked down at her hooves. “Do you know what the most common nightmare I stumble upon is? Nightmare Moon gobbling up some poor unfortunate filly. Yet it isn’t just the young ones—it is also our older peasants… sorry, citizens that dream of such things as well. I am no longer seen as a princess: I am merely a monster to them.”
Celestia wrapped a wing around Luna’s shoulder. “You are too fast to forget what you learned in Ponyville, sister. There they love you, even call you a friend.”
“Three. Three of them last night had almost identical nightmares about me.” Luna shook the wing off, feeling herself already beginning to slip. “It is not your fault, Celestia—this is merely more to the curse of having been Nightmare Moon for so long. I only hope my final decision will not hurt you too much.”
Celestia felt something enter her and saw loose magic start drifting off of Luna’s horn. “Luna, these are small things to be worried about,” she said. “With time, the wounds will close and you’ll be able to make friends as I have. Besides, I need you. I can’t bear to think about ruling without you for any longer.”
Luna burst into tears as she laid down. “You are wrong, Celestia. I was never the politician, and I don’t want to wait fifty years to start befriending a new generation of foals. No, I will bow out with grace instead, and give my night to the one who owns it now. No longer will I attempt to fill a role unbecoming of me.”
Celestia felt the force within her grow stronger as she laid down next to her sister. “Luna, I can’t do both—not again. I want you here with me. I don’t want to be alone again!”
Luna smiled at Celestia as she felt her body growing colder. “You won’t be alone, Celestia. You’ll have Twilight, and all of the others who love you. I wish I could be there, but I simply can’t continue this shadow of an existence.”
Celestia shook as she saw Luna’s cutie mark beginning to vanish.
“Do you remember what we told Twilight? We still have time..., perhaps your new part will come to light?”
Luna smiled as she closed her eyes and nuzzled into Celestia’s side. “I remember. In fact, I have given the words much thought as of late.” She cleared her throat and started weakly singing.
“Know that your time is coming soon.”
Celestia felt a shiver go through her as she thought of all the ways that line could be taken. “As the sun rises—”
“—So does the moon.
Celestia watched as the last of the moon adorning Luna’s flanks disappeared. Her voice cracked as tears streamed down her face. “As love finds a place in every heart.”
She slowly stroked her sister’s now-still muzzle and waited for it to open one more time. The new power within her could not fill the hole Celestia now felt as she whispered an all-too-familiar line.
“I am a princess... I’ll play my part.”
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I LOVED IT!!!
I'm confused. What happened to Luna?
A sad Luna story, both of you wrote this very well.
4740362 I will be leaving this up to the reader. All I will guaranty is that she lost her powers and the gifts that came with them, including her immortality.
4740381 Hey, I wrote this myself. In fact, CV only had to
*Looks at the amount of comments on the doc*
Er, maybe I should give more credit to CV?
4740393 Hmm, yes.
4740393
This is not sad. First, because you made Luna so flat as to be a piece of paper. Second, by having Celestia just accept it.
No, just no.
4740488 My editor put it the best way. It is a melancholy mood piece not meant to actually raise tears. It is simply Luna's decision with what may feel like a shadow of a life. Celestia also does not simply accept it. She tries to remind Luna of what she has going for her, but she has to quickly accept that Luna has given this a lot of thought. I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy it, but I hope I helped you realize my thoughts while writing this.
A'ight, I've had enough of this cliffhangers, JumbledThought, I know who where gonna let the readers to decide what's next, but I am having enough of these cliffhangers. By any chance is there a sequel to it? If not pm me and I would be more than happy to write a sequel, to say on that note, all credit for the original goes to you and you're editor, I will link the sequel to you and yes after I'm done and my editor checks it you'll be the first to be read it. Pm me if your okay with me doing a sequel to your story
4740520 This wasn't supposed to be a cliffhanger...
I really like the central concept: That Luna is weakened and Celestia has been secretly helping her since she came back. But I feel that you rushed through the fallout from this way too quickly. You basically had an end goal in mind, Luna fading away to some unspecified point, and then rushed to that goal as quickly as you could. Inasmuch, Luna comes out looking like a petulant drama queen. This would have been better with a few thousand more words weaved in, in my opinion.
~Super Trampoline
4740388
It's a nice story but I dont think leaving Luna's fate to the readers imagination really works in this case. Everything is just too vague.
4740516
No. Even if I accepted Luna like that, I don't, and can't, accept that Celestia would sit by like that while her sister commits suicide. I can't accept that any loving anything would sit by while their sibling draws a blade across their artery without doing everything in their power to stop them. And YES that is exactly what Luna is doing. She is voluntarily shortening her life-span because she's depressed, that is suicide. If there was some purpose, something to be gained by her actions, then maybe, maybe Celestia could sit by, but this? No.
4741216 If your lifespan was 1000 years plus, things might be different.
th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/211/5/b/mlp__cadence_pony_shrug_by_saffie_chan-d595wd9.png
4741798
That is not a valid point. Regardless of how long you live, intentionally shortening your life out of depression is suicide, whether it takes five seconds or one hundred years. She is killing herself where she would otherwise live on.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and allowing it to happen when you could stop it is never okay.
4741835 Okay, I didn't want to have to do this, but most of Luna's dialogue is her justifying her action and debunking Celestia's argument. She states that her life is nothing right now, and that before anypony could truly trust her she would have to wait even longer for this to happen. She is done waiting though and having no purpose. The whole reason for Luna's life has been snuffed out, and with her purpose and hope gone, she makes sure Celestia can continue doing what she did for the 1000 years she was gone. Rule, without ever having to show fear or weakness, over day AND night. I hope this is at least somewhat a good answer to you. I honestly see it as someone moving on, as most immortals could at some point. Wether by dieing, or simply stepping away from her position, she is no longer, the princess of the night.
4741835 And if they're immortal?
I'm not condoning suicide, I'm just pointing out that these two's morality/values might be different.
4741981
I fail to see how that makes it anything but worse. You go from a finite amount of time lost to an infinite amount of time lost. I don't accept the 'Who Wants to Live Forever' trope. There is always something to live for.
4742012
But that's how you see it. How does Luna see it? How does Celestia see it?
I thought this had a very interesting concept but it just ran through everything so fast. There's no build up to Luna's decision and Celestia's inaction feels false. I agree with the comment above stating that she would have done anything to prevent this from reaching its conclusion.
To me, it didn't even feel sad so much as frustrating. Clearly this was her only option in-story, but there's hardly any exploration of other options that could flesh this out some.
This was... not great. It was rushed as all plucking hail, and both Celestia and Luna felt out of character. It just... This wasn't sad. It shouldn't have a sad tag. A slice of life tag, perhaps, or even maybe a Tragedy tag, but a sad tag?
This wasn't sad. It was tragic. You can have a tragedy happen and not have it be very sad. You can't have a sad-fic that doesn't leave you sad.
Still, overall... You just did a 'meh' job with a good idea. It was too rushed, and the song didn't really make any sense in reference to what was going on. In short:
i.imgur.com/hSYDF.gif
I'm going to agree with most of the other people here and feel that the end was a little too rushed. You can add some more to the middle to spice it up a bit. Having Celestia just quickly accept it seems unfathomable.
4743644 I will not dispute the rushed feeling or that my representation of some events were poorly done. However, you did say this was tragic. Tragic is a form of sadness. Is this a tear jerker? No. However, it is not a tragedy by what the site and I believe it is. A tragedy is when someone sets out to do something and fails. Hence why there can be comedy tragedies. If I had made it more focused on Celestia having been apparant of the problem earlier then almost a minute before it happened, it would have been tragedy. However, there was no goal for any of the characters to be crushed about, simply a sad circumstance as someone accepted they had no reason to live anymore.
4743839 Except that your reasoning is flawed. A tragedy is also when someone fails due to their own flaws. Luna, in essence, KILLS HERSELF due to her lack of self-confidence/worth/whatever. If becoming mortal and losing your purpose isn't tragic, I will stab myself. This story is not sad. A sad tag means the overall story is sad, but we don't even get a hint at that until the middle.
And as far as setting out to do something and failing, which is what you said Tragedy is... Did tou miss the part where Luna tried to raise her moon and failed, thus resulting in the story, ending with her realising she never had her moon back, and lost her cutie mark, which was a crescent moon? Seems like she plucking failed to do what she set out to do to me!
This feels insufficient. And a bit rushed. It's a weighty thing you're doing here, and the delivery here is unconvincing. I didn't even realize Luna was killing herself rather than simply resigning from her position until reading the comments. Not enough weight is given to support that conclusion, and "the moon rising" doesn't really work as a metaphor for her dying. Especially when the moon setting would make much more sense in that context.
It's not a bad story. It's not a bad premise. It's not poorly written. But it just really needs more. We love Luna. Reading about her in this premise needs to carry more emotional weight than this delivers.
I...don't really understand.
Luna couldn't raise the moon, so she saw herself as a burden to her sister and thought she couldn't play the role of a Night princess anymore, so she killed herself?
That seems like poor reasoning to me.
Having said that, I think Celestia would have done more to stop her rather than just 'letting it happen' as she seemed to.
I mean, that's her SISTER for pony's sake. Someone she's known for her ENTIRE LIFE. where's the intervention? Celestia's persuasive argument seems weak and flawed, as if she's not really trying to convince her sister to not kill herself (something that I figured out only after reading the comments btw)
Luna seems...OOC. I mean I understand, we don't really have much of a Luna character to go off of in the show except for an episode and a few appearances, but c'mon. I hardly think Luna would decide to off herself after only JUST discovering what she's unable to do, that feeling needs to sit and fester for a while, it felt waaay too rushed and I don't feel like we got Luna's side of the story very well.
Don't take any of this as me thinking it's a bad story, it certainly isn't, but it maybe needs to be a little longer and you may need an editor (just read the story synopsis and it seems you already have an editor, my bad) and a pre reader to help you out. Just a suggestion.
4744551 about the moon rising, and that stuff they were singing at the end, the song was in the second to last episode of my little pony friendship is magic season four. Do you even watch the show? DO YOU?
Wow... that just happened...
This story is really powerful, and the ending...
Good job.
4745263
yeah, i don't know why tia didn't really say anything.
Just because she couldn't control the moon didn't mean she couldn't be a night princess. She would have gotten enough power at some point, maybe.
4743914
Luna didn't become mortal, she just lost the arcane power required to raise and set the moon.