This is my first fic, I think it should be okay. 1000 word challenge (include title)!
Scootaloo wants to go find Dash, but ends up with a nasty surprise.
Being mentally destroyed by the pony you love the most is hard, especially when the don't show regret. And when you are in need of the greatest one, it can even still be unsafe to trust them. And you are broken glass then, nopony wants broken glass, and if anything, they want to avoid them. You are shattered.
Bear in mind this is homeless Scootaloo, don't like, don't read. Scootabuse- same goes. And Rainbow Dash is a jerk, these are all friendly warnings.
I don't wanna spoil, but it's a scootabuse with happy ending. Additional tag- glad
Chapters (1)
Okay so you're doing a Scoots gets hurt by her idol and finds solace in the comfort of another pony (in this case pinkie), not an orgional idea but that's okay, it's a trope for a reason.
Here's where you went wrong. (other then needing an editor), Scoots shows up at RD's house and basically the conversation is:
Hi Dash.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
that doesn't work. At her worst Rainbow Dash is a little selfish, and self absorbed and inconsiderate, she's not downright cruel. So if you want Dash to reject Scootaloo you need to (broadly) do it in one of two ways. Either Dash keeps standing Scoots up etc because she just doesn't realize how much she means to the filly. Or she's having a rough day and in a bad moment snaps at Scoots, (but still doesn't outright belittle her). You did neither and the result is a scene that makes no sense.
Also you have a complete story with no ending or conflict resolution.
What's with the over-spacing?
You make this look easy. I am now jealous.
"
One problem: Like what RaylanKrios said, it's kinda like
"Hi!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF HERE, YOU LITTLE PEST!"
No conversation goes like that. Even when having a bad day, you just don't do that. You would suppress anger. The person keeps pestering more than twice. You lose your cool. You scream. You look like you have no regrets.
Rainbow might not have regrets for now but she will be apologetic afterwards. Otherwise, she is a complete jerk. Sure, she can be a jerk but she is not like that. Scootaloo may or may not forgive her. Sorry if this seemed like I am putting you down. Just pointing out a mistake. I can't story develop as well as you so that's what I meant by," You make this look easy. I am now jealous.
Other than that, impressive.
I like it and think you should write more!
Pleeeaaase~!
MAKE MORE PLZ PLZ PLZ
Yeah, I'd love to see if you could worldbuild from this one-shot, but that's just me and my love for Scootaorphan.
How is this complete when you leave it like this? Please make a chapter 2.