- Member Since 30th Mar, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 19th, 2023
Izalith
I can hear the wind speaking to me, they say hello and goodbye.
Izalith
Joined 30th Mar, 2014 ·
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How do you close something shut? Does that mean you can close something open or is it a double negative meaning that's its just a weird way of saying open ending it?
...
...
...
Or maybe that's just a grammar mistake and I'm just doing this cause I feel like it.
4645360 Well it seems I did make a mistake, thanks for pointing it out.
Wow. Major difference. And for good reason. This is really good.
Anthony is more relatable because we see more of his civilian life. He has a beloved. A family. He's not yet PTSD and as such is still adjusting, so he feels more real. He's entranced, surprised and yet cautious of the new world he's in. The detail you've put into the story is as lush as always, and Zecora is smart.
The ponies...are smart. Intelligent. Reasonable enough to understand a surprising amount of information about Anthony from tracks alone. Do you have any idea how RARE it is to see a story where the mane six and their friends are INTELLIGENT and SMART? Instead, they're all genre-blind, idiotic and the protagonist often is the only smart one who has to show them the answer or takes advantage of their idiocy and naivety to get what they want. This is such a refreshing change of pace.
The only downside is perhaps a few grammar errors like, say "Do you believe in this crap Anthony? I mean come on!" When they might come across better as "Do you believe this crap, Anthony? I mean, come ON". But I don't care much about grammar or spelling unless it's REALLY egregious. So by all means...I'm up voting this story right now.
4645953 Well I am not that good at spotting grammar errors so I mostly rely on those that read my story to spot it out for me so I can correct them.
4646183
Grammar's really not that big a deal. Everything else is really, really solid, and you should be proud. ^_^
MUH FREEDOMS
4646620
x2.fjcdn.com/comments/Muh+Freedom+_3a7d6e8d5cf4aca139e8b6db14c62774.jpg
4646620 I don't know how to take that.
4646647 I had something similar to that for dinner yesterday in the afternoon. It was amazing.
Even more great work. He continues to be rational, calm, and collected...and it was hilarious seeing him interacting with the sea serpent. Imagining the thing pouting as he stares right in his face was positively adorable. The fact he didn't just shoot it or attack if shows that he's not some mindless thug or overly violent.
Plus, he's noble, saving Zecora's life...and he appears to be quite the gentleman. He even brought her back to her home. That, my friend, is what we call going the extra mile. So much about him revealed so soon.
4660673 I have been planning on how the whole 'First Contact' scenario would play out and seeing how I did the last chapter I am thinking on releasing it in a different way then what I had originally went for. And as to him being a gentlemen to her, its because of the things he learned from his family and from Ingrid, which you all will soon see more bits about his relation with her.
Awesome timberwolves, and nice end for the chapter
So Anthony is an ass man. XD
4702641 He likes his 'ass'ets that are quickly available to him.
4703101
Tempted as I am to go "all in"...and I don't need ass-sistance to do it...I think I'd better not, for I don't wish to rub this joke the wrong way.
Seriously though, clever way of him establishing a kind of communication with Zecora. Surprised she doesn't rhyme, though, but I can overlook that because I'm just glad this didn't result in an international incident...though it very well could soon enough. It's touching how fascinated Apple Bloom finds him, and hopefully if SHE isn't scared, most of the town won't be...
...hopefully.
4703137 Well for Zecora, I have no idea on how to rhyme efficiently and when I do make her rhyme its gonna be for story moments like in the episodes. As for the town being scared, I can only tell you this. CMC + Pilot that can't talk to them = Shenanigans
4646828
Well no one else seemed to notice so I'll point it out. Periods dude... Periods. Some of your "paragraphs" are just giant run on sentences, specifically at the beginning. Doing good story wise though.
Whilst I DID find it funny, mentally picturing everything they were doing to our long-suffering protagonist, it was sorta kinda hard to follow along what was going along, took several rereads to figure out just what was happening. So, yes. This chapter was pretty funny, it was just sorta hard to understand what exactly was going on because the flow was a little hard to follow.
Otherwise though, incredible detail and effort put into this chapter, without a doubt! That's one of your biggest strengths.
4756788 Well I am not really that good with silly chapters but the next one is gonna be more straight forward.
At last he meets the Mane Six, we learn that, apparently, dragons can understand him so perhaps Spike can act as translator, there's creepy detail you put into describing the castle...and the burial of the family.
This is an especially powerful moment. It's small. Almost meaningless when you look at the grand scheme of things. But the fact he felt such pity for the dead family left to rot with nothing but their skeletons remaining shows, again, incredible compassion. And spirituality. And the fact he didn't shoot that sea serpent in the face means he isn't trigger happy or reckless. Nicely done.
AND, on top of all of that, we have a hint of something greater bubbling under the surface thanks to that one little plea for help. Excellently done. Your planet-devouring overlord is most pleased.
4829502 Well my reasons for why dragons can understand him because dragons are magical and awesome, and for the reason why he cares for the dead is that thing I put in how he had to bury three families, hint on the 'three' part. And he couldn't shoot Steven because he doesn't have much ammunition for his Kraber and he doubted that the taser he has would do anything but piss him off. And lastly, something is bubbling up, a trope in the making.
you know i like what you did about burying the dead and somehow I could myself doing that as well in his position. Great chapter and keep going.
I have to agree, this is very well thought out. However...it still needs work with the writing part. I hate to say it, but the majority of the sentences here are just run-ons. You really need to space your sentences out more. If I may suggest, try to never add more then two 'and' in a single sentence. I've tried it like that, and it worked really well for me.
MORE!!
That right soldier.
This is getting good.
My only comment is that a ton seems really light for a titan. I could see an Atlas being about 35 tons, with a Stryder being about 15-20 tons and the Ogre topping out at 65 tons.
I wish I could Upvote this story again for being a tale in which the ponies AREN'T all "kill the outlander" levels of xenophobic. That is faaaaaar too common in HIE stories. I'm glad to see you DIDNT go that route.
5105161 I learned from reading other HiE fics,
5105072 When I looked at the wiki for Titanfall it says that they are considerably light for being made out of metal, my guess is that if they weighed so much the dash boost would be useless.
5104817 Yes it is.
5105184
Yeah, the fluff never really covers how heavy the titans are. It's a well-covered plot-hole. Those are just what I use as headcanon as they seem to fit with how heavy the models look (and the dash jets work because magic [like most things with videogame logic]).
Though I still say you might want to increase the weight, just for the logic of the Stryder. With the Atlas being a ton, that means the Stryder is ~1,250 pounds. I don't think that a team of six people should be able to pick up a titan, based on the model.
Didn't the brige break?
5105250 No, and there are a few bridges still out there that connects from one side to the other, he just used a different one.
5105219 Fine, just a small update to do for today along with working on the next chapter.
Insult someone is not a best choice.
This is getting good.
High tech human befriending nightmare moon low tech level what could go wrong
love it
5117880 It gets better and funnier as they interact. Bald.
5117684 Yes it is.
5117982 I can't wait to see Nightmare moon meet atlas.
5117982 cant wait for ze next chapter
5117982 i really do love this story and it hopefully seems like Zecora is finally getting some love. honestly there are so little stories where Zecora is a main carictar
5120075 that explain why, mature - sex.
but still, i can sense it getting better.
2, we have no choice.
Great, I just spit all the water on my PC.
And Laugh. Love it.
Soarin sure likes pie.
------------------------------
I will chosen 2
♫2. Nightmare Moon, A good choice. Moon already desire is path.♪
Zecora? From the story.but is a normal chance to ship. But yes? she awesome.
Luna?, Oh cmon, you think luna will love him? Need many reason about this, Luna will see Nightmare moon, and Banish it.
Rarity? maybe... still a normal chance. Unless spike will have a broken heart.
Fluttershy, Umm cute - Kindness - Scare like a leaf, but again, still a normal chance. she love animal, but hate kill and dead.
Twilight Sparkle ummm, ask too many question so i think she have a normal chance to ship. and the rest? dun't know.
♫7. Pinkie just Pinkie so i don't understand her. she got a high chance to ship. (petting)♫
And AJ - rainbow dash are in love somehow when Spike talk about them, maybe not.
------
For the Rest Other people don't like ship or something, Just try Chosen Herd - Harem. (From the porno mag? when, i think they have a low stallion) So is a high chance is will cause about this.
Nightmare
Hmm, 1 or 2...
img.pandawhale.com/40237-Why-not-both-gif-69vC.gif
5180296 Harem? sure why not? Our comment will change the Destiny.
zecora, nightmare moon, luna, fluttershy
2 Nightmare Moon
number 2 because reasons
1 it has to be zecora she does not get enough love
Luna and nightmare moon
1,2,4
Those are my three choices.
I would say number 2.
Let the nightmare reign a pond them ponies.
Rarity. Why? Because it seems like there are very few HiE romance stories with her and a human. I'd like to see more of them. If anyone knows of any, let me know.
If you do a harem it should be Nightmare, zecora, and rarity. Maybe twilight, too.