At last he meets the Mane Six, we learn that, apparently, dragons can understand him so perhaps Spike can act as translator, there's creepy detail you put into describing the castle...and the burial of the family.
This is an especially powerful moment. It's small. Almost meaningless when you look at the grand scheme of things. But the fact he felt such pity for the dead family left to rot with nothing but their skeletons remaining shows, again, incredible compassion. And spirituality. And the fact he didn't shoot that sea serpent in the face means he isn't trigger happy or reckless. Nicely done.
AND, on top of all of that, we have a hint of something greater bubbling under the surface thanks to that one little plea for help. Excellently done. Your planet-devouring overlord is most pleased.
4829502 Well my reasons for why dragons can understand him because dragons are magical and awesome, and for the reason why he cares for the dead is that thing I put in how he had to bury three families, hint on the 'three' part. And he couldn't shoot Steven because he doesn't have much ammunition for his Kraber and he doubted that the taser he has would do anything but piss him off. And lastly, something is bubbling up, a trope in the making.
I have to agree, this is very well thought out. However...it still needs work with the writing part. I hate to say it, but the majority of the sentences here are just run-ons. You really need to space your sentences out more. If I may suggest, try to never add more then two 'and' in a single sentence. I've tried it like that, and it worked really well for me.
At last he meets the Mane Six, we learn that, apparently, dragons can understand him so perhaps Spike can act as translator, there's creepy detail you put into describing the castle...and the burial of the family.
This is an especially powerful moment. It's small. Almost meaningless when you look at the grand scheme of things. But the fact he felt such pity for the dead family left to rot with nothing but their skeletons remaining shows, again, incredible compassion. And spirituality. And the fact he didn't shoot that sea serpent in the face means he isn't trigger happy or reckless. Nicely done.
AND, on top of all of that, we have a hint of something greater bubbling under the surface thanks to that one little plea for help. Excellently done. Your planet-devouring overlord is most pleased.
4829502 Well my reasons for why dragons can understand him because dragons are magical and awesome, and for the reason why he cares for the dead is that thing I put in how he had to bury three families, hint on the 'three' part. And he couldn't shoot Steven because he doesn't have much ammunition for his Kraber and he doubted that the taser he has would do anything but piss him off. And lastly, something is bubbling up, a trope in the making.
you know i like what you did about burying the dead and somehow I could myself doing that as well in his position. Great chapter and keep going.
I have to agree, this is very well thought out. However...it still needs work with the writing part. I hate to say it, but the majority of the sentences here are just run-ons. You really need to space your sentences out more. If I may suggest, try to never add more then two 'and' in a single sentence. I've tried it like that, and it worked really well for me.
MORE!!