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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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it is good but it need some touching up and you didn't explain him at all and every this is happing to fast but I do like where this is going, try to get an editor to help you right it.
Well this is new. I'm serious about that too. Not once have I read a fic like this. I only have one thing to say, and that is PACE. This thing called a story chapter is flying around like a moth trapped in a fan. Not pretty if you ask me.
Honestly, that was a bit too short for all that to happen. Maybe if you stretch it out a bit with explanations as well as touching up on your spelling, this has the potential of a pretty good story.
4009602 I'm going to try to do the explaining in flashback, but thank you, every bit of criticism helps me make this better.
4009942 spelling is an issue, have an iPod that likes to pick the wrong words, and I'll try to stretch it out more. I pretty much type as the story enters my head. I hope chapter two is better.
Um... I don't know what to say but... I kind of want more? Uh... I'm going to slap the FUCK out of that like button
4010028 anything you would suggest?
this is bad really bad how this got though i will never know
4010839 hater be hating.
It is good, I can fix some typos and other things. I have read all of the halo books so I can make some of the flashbacks have much more detail.
Ps~ this chapter was great but the typos stand out.
4011255 your hired but I can only pay in OC apperences
4011516 eh, I will do it for free. It will give me something to do other than schoolwork =D
4013459 ill work on the 4th chapter tonight, currently taking a rest from giving an otsd a headache and cause im sending wave after wave of mares after my OC, damn playboy yeah, I went there
You need to slow down, explain things more like how the rentry went, or the feelings of Dave as he understood HE was the last human for 13000 years. Yeah it would take longer and more effort but it will be worth it. To many ideas get ruined because of people rushing the story.
aaaaawwwwwwww! they are so cute.
4015691 I figured a soldier who is at home in the dark of night who meets a princess who controlls the night would make a good couple.
4015779 you got that right.
4016290 I know I'm making this ODST a bit more of a badass then normal, but after fighting hunters and elites, a minotaur would seem like a grunt with a blow up sword.
4016371 ya that sound about right.
4016630 and an ODST can take down multiple burtes, hunters and grunts in one sitting
4016670 I know and they can be sneaky to top it all off they are a lot like Spartans.
Quick Update, Chapter 5 is being proof read and I hope to have it up shortly.
4016713 technically they are unmodified spartans, there genetics are the same as regular humans but there armor is harder than normal marine armor.
its sad i know this much about halo
4018169 I know I am a halo fan myself but I sad they are a lot like instead of they are pretty much Spartans. ODST are the knights of there time and Spartans are the knights of there's so they are both trump cards.
4018187 well the fact that an odst can do as much damage to a squad of burtes, hunters, grunts as a Spartan where as you'd need an entire regiment of Marines armed to the teeth to do the job. The only diffrense is a spartan will go Rambo where a odst goes ghost
true but not all Spartans go Rambo and not all ODST go ghost like in halo odst lots of people went Rambo and in halo rech there was a Spartan that was a sniper or ghost.
4019030 true, it could just be their training. Like chief for instance, he is constantly thrown into battles where Rambo is his only option. But Jun is a specialists as stealth and observation. He is able to use is stealth. Infact I don't think he dies, he is assigned to protect Dr. Halsey (if that's misspelled, forgive me) and I think escapes reach. But as you see in ODST Rookie has to get through the streets of New Mombasa as stealthily as possible, where as the rest of his squad are forced into a Rambo situation.
4019614 you have bin thinking about this for a while, I got a idea they have mixt training because there is other halo's that have ODST and they go Rambo with chef and some have snipers and some spartan's go ghost or Rambo but it most commonly is there choice.
4020998 well, I personally am found of marksmen weaponary, be it in battlefield or in halo, where as other friends I play with will go head first into battle, I've been known to grab an Lmg (battlefield) or Gatling turret (halo) and just cause massive surpressive fire or clear a room of enemy's. basically it's most likely choice of warrior and not "specialized training" however, in ODST you had your quad who was a medic, a scout, a heavy weapons specialist. A demolition specialist (not sure if those two are the same), captain, the ONI girl, and rook, but like I said, not sure (it's been awhile)
4021131 then I am just like you in battlefield 4 I will be recon wall in halo I go head first in to battle like an idiot or when I can I will be a sniper or in battlefield I will go pistol boss on how ever is lucky to be in front of me, I have 183 handgun kills and I am in division 3 without trying.
4021288 division 2 pilot and fast attack craft, division 3 recon with a 1.0 win lose and a 8.0 k/d ratio, that's not even trying, ps4 user, you?
4021703 division 3 pilot, division 4 recon, with a 39% win lose ratio, 0.98 k/d ratio xbox one and I am happy I don't have to go agent you and haw the hell dos someone get a score like that. but I don't play vary often.
4021783 a score like what, speaking of which, time to go work on my sniper skill
4019614 he does live, In fact later in the war the spartan III project is initiated to great more Spartans, however... After the onyx incident the spartan III project was cancelled.
4022071 rely? it is 12:24 here so I must be vary far away from you. or you are just like my uncle.
4022180 well, thanks to deadly ass chemicals I had to get to kill off in wanted parasitic cells. I am now disabled, so pretty much I can be up when ever I want (doesn't help that I'm 22) and it is 2 am here
4022297 ok that makes sense. (I went to bed shortly after my comment.)
4023512 I am trying to get on a better sleep habit.
Meh. 10/17
4023923 so about 70 percent, I'll take that
4023544 me and you
4024692 I just realized I'm working on three separate stories at the moment. Wow this is difficult.
4024715 three?
4024782 this, my OC love triangle with vinyl and Tia, and my Tia x Soarin fic(in process of submission right now)
4024821 sound's good and I will have to read that.
4024857 it passed
4025082 then it is time to read!! and I will see you there
4024183
Sorry. It is just an average crossover in this genre.
Ugh...