twisterwinds
Joined 22nd Jan, 2014 ·
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I'm looking for constructive criticism. So lets hear it.
That 'art' is painful to look at.
4071602 hey, it's free and better then I can do. (Might try my hand at doing art at another time)
4071678 sorry I didn't get around to the story. I've had my hand full. I like the story though.
4071602 yeah my art is okay, but my camera stinks. Sorry, but it's the only way for me to post it.
media-cache-cd0.pinimg.com/736x/10/e4/da/10e4da01e989a7d1a99e5afebfa78cbb.jpg
Okay. I can see why there are a lot of downvotes. For one, you lack descriptions. Two chapters in and I still don't know what color fur this pegasus has. He bumped into an alicorn in a library, yet no mane nor fur color, nor eye color, nor cutie mark. Please your need to capitalize names, titles and places (like Equestria and Surprise the Wonderbolt). Also, people tend to like length in the stories they read, especially clop. Personally, I prefer quality over quantity. This is just what I see. I might give it another chapter or two later.
4468332 i used this story as a learning experience.
if its over why does it say incomplete good story though but the end was rush
I have to say that I like the premiss of the story but it lack a lot of background for it to be a good story. I wood give it a 4 out of 10 in rating.
sometimes you need to add back ground to the story to make it better. Like the time and effort Princess Celestia took to teach him to fly and why she did not task sum pony else to do the job. She is a Princess after all. Why she did fall for him. her reasoning for this. She is at the leas 1000 to 2000 years old witch is why she did not want to do this again. That she is Immortal and wood out live him. You did not make this clear or her reasoning for disregarding this to have a relationship with him. Adding a back ground to the story can make it so much better.
Dragonfox
5241451 yeah, this was my first story though, used it mostly for learning.