Located south of Horseshoe Bay is the city of Caballuston. A sleepy little seaside town with few inhabitants but lingering history, the residents go about their average lives as great forces work below the surface. For this is the city that houses the Equestrian Expedition Keep, a privately funded group that collaborates with museums and researchers throughout Equestria in need of talented individuals to brave the ruins of the ancients for discovery and science.
Of course, if only it was that simple.
Seeking out the strongest and smartest of our fair nation, the Keep secretly funds the organization known as the Specialized Team for Obtaining Museum Pieces. It's true goal is to find dangerous artifacts before they fall into the hands of evil. Many unsavory villains would seek out such wonders to plunge the world into chaos for their own fiendish desires. But never fear folks. The heroes are ever ready to discover new wonders, buck the plans of villainy, and STOMP out evil!
The Explorers of STOMP:
Brisk Iron - The Boss.
Amber Spark - The Unicorn Researcher.
Rhapsody - The Pegasus Astronomer.
Windrose Weave - The Earth Pony who looks at things.
Night Cap - The Brave Earth Pony Explorer.
Light Fantastic - The Unicorn Dancer.
Willow Wisp - The Angry Pegasus.
Zig Zag - The Zebra Tour Guide.
Dusty Winds - The Pegasus Janitor.
Right now I'm seeing 1 upvote to 2 downvotes. I'll read it later.
Hello. My name is Charles Spratt (obviously), and I'm a reviewer. The reason I'm here is because I saw this story in the self-submission folder for the Goodfic bin group, which is a group that I'm a story approver for. Although I won't be the one reviewing this story for the group (self-submissions are out of my jurisdiction at the moment), I decided to give it a looksee, and give my two cents anyway.
So, what are my thoughts? Well, let me put it this way: if I were reviewing this story, I'd end up rejecting it. There are several reasons why (bad grammar, poor pacing, lack of explaining things), but really, there's one key reason that guarantees my personal rejection: so far, this story has too many characters, and not enough plot. I realize that this is just an opening made in order to introduce us to the characters, but even so, I honestly couldn't tell most of them apart from one another, since many members of the team acted very similarly to one another. Not a single character left much of an impression, making the story feel rather... empty.
As a comparison, let's look at the pilot episode of MLP (which is also nothing more than a set up episode, btw); although it did have its dragging moments, the characters that were introduced were all very unique and memorable individuals with personalities that were easily distinguishable from one another. If you asked the average Joe who had just watched the pilot for the first time to describe the characters, they'd most likely be able to give at least one personality trait for the majority of them. In comparison, if you asked me to name any distinguishing personality trait for any one of the characters you've introduced, I sincerely doubt I'd be able to do it, mainly because they act almost universally alike, and that simply doesn't make for interesting characters. And since this story is nothing but characters so far, it kinda puts the story in an awkward position.
What's the solution? Make your characters stand out. Show us some personality traits that they have. Show us how they work off of one another. Give your characters some personality. If you introduce your characters well, and portray them as both likeable and memorable, then readers will care about them, and as a result, will be more invested. If you don't, then your introduction comes off as a boring read, since we are given no reason to care about these characters. And unfortunately, this one falls into the later category. (That's part of the reason OC stories receive so much flak, really; because the characters introduced aren't portrayed well enough. Most of the time, anyway.)
Now, with that being said, I'm not the one reviewing it (that distinction will probably go to Haphazred), so it's still possible that this story could get accepted. However, given that he's harder to impress then I am... yeah. However, I still think this could make it in if it went through a bit of an overhaul: give the characters some more personality, fix the grammar errors, and give us more reason to care about this team. Other than that, I don't have much else to say. Good luck in your future writings.
Cheers
Charles Spratt
5776922
This is different then my usual stories, this is based on a Forum RP that I participated in that I enjoyed. This was the first several pages, while everyone is starting to get a hold of their characters.
5780709 I see. Well, regardless, I figured it was worth explaining problems with it, as well as be an informer that this probably won't make it in. Still, glad you had fun with it! Cheers
Reviewed story for the goodfic bin. Due to grammar, pacing, character introductions and difficulties in understanding the story, I'm rejecting this from submissions.
Details are here.