A goofy little miss that's here to write and draw to her heart's content. Her imagination doesn't know when to shut off.
The Writers' Group56,394 stories ·9,291 members
One-Shots18,907 stories ·2,369 members
Slice of Life8,153 stories ·1,460 members
Short Stories5,070 stories ·547 members
Love and Tolerate6,284 stories ·814 members
Two colts awake far too early in the morning. Bonding over leftover pizza, they sport mixed views of the near future, but assume they'll still be best brother buddies.
This is far from the case when they are stallions.
A self-inflicted prompt of the question of the family of a certain pony. The idea's been bothering me for a while now. Don't be surprised that it's a little cheesy.
Page generated in 0.105 seconds
Total duration
920 users online
375,921 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
You must! You must show us a picture!
And thanks for writing a colthood Cheese, too! I don't think there are too many of those. When you mentioned this before, for some reason, I'd imagined Cheese as the younger brother, but maybe this works better. The betrayal from behind makes it a lot worse.
Also, this is the first time you've given us in-universe Cheese, isn't it?
[insert picture of Pinkie with confetti and blowout noisemaker here]
Cheesy. Heh, I get it. Good one.
I liked this. Short and sweet and an overall fun, short read. You left me wondering exactly what happened to Tommy. It certainly feels like this could be a bigger story, and one worth reading at that.
Oh, and wonderful grammar, by the way. Errorless as far as I could tell.
4376457 Colt or stallion? Or both?
There's not enough colt Cheese fan fiction. Most of the ones I read were... um... meh. Kinda melodramatic.
Haha, he does seem like he'd be the younger brother, huh?
I just viewed him as an older brother because I have a silly older brother of my own. Plus, giving him an older sibling to overshadow him in youth would be too easy and too expected. And thus, we have the accidental backstab of the little bro (Tommy's oblivious to Cheese's feelings, and still kind of is).
Oh, yeah, this is Party Pony Cheese... in a solitary, quiet moment, but still.
4384336 This was melodramatic! Kinda. In the beginning
Niiiiiccce!
4384336 well then Tomatoe needs to stop being oblivious! NO.OBE.DIRESPECTS.THE.CHEESE!
4384336
Sigh. Yeah. I remember some of those. Some authors kinda over-egg the cake. I think maybe it's because we know he was unhappy enough to run away from home, and that's all we know. It's probably tempting to toss in heavy duty physical abuse, plus a fatal
plane crashPegasus collision, plus royal blood, plus pirates, when being teased or bullied at school and constant low-level disapproval from one or both parents is plenty to make any child miserable.The in-canon pony I think heard a LOT of stuff about being a crybaby is Babs Seed. She calls her cousin that because she hears it herself all the time back home. Being big for her age didn't help, because once the other fillies and colts figured out that she wouldn't hit back, she was toast. But I think authors have to be careful with that kind of stuff. I compensated by giving her an affectionate family (and also making her the youngest and the littlest foal. "Babsy-Bits" is a nickname.)
Awwww. This was so sweet and touching. I think you did the right thing by choosing to make him a younger brother, since you're right, it's less expect. Especially one who turned his back on his dorky older bro, whom he used to idolize. I'm a little surprised that Cheese didn't make any cursory or transitory friends in school, but then again, it makes more sense if his transition to exuberant weirdness was a lot more slow and subtle. Plus, this was big on flashbacks and focusing on his family, so it's kind of hard to mention any random and mostly pointless exceptions without getting uber heavy on exposition.
Also, the idea of him not showing off his instrumental talents in school makes sense, though I'd be surprised if he never tried joining a band/orchestra in high school. Manehattan is certainly big enough that they might organize some of their ages in to tiers. If you wanted to. If not, no big deal. (Although I would say Maud Pie proves they have doctorates and stuff. College! Whoo!) Then again, Cheese is very much a loner and it would depend on if his family didn't raise a fuss about focusing on bringing up his other grades.
I'd love to see more stories about Cheese and Tomato/Tommy as adults! Their dynamic has a lot of potential and I'm really curious to find out what he presumably got a degree in. I also really like the more subtle issues of disapproval, especially if his parents valued a different kind of success or had a different metric anyway. Especially love the whole nickname thing btw. It speaks volumes.
Oh! Oh... I feel bad saying this, but it would be funny if Tomato got fat and was content about it. Otherwise, big strong guy of an earth pony who happens to have higher education! I mean, not that he'd have to be either. It's just an interesting thought. Of course, if they're both scrawny things, that could sort of enhance the backdrop of "what could have been." Thematically or some such. I can't claim to be truly literary.
Round Tomato seems cute though. If he has the more normal body type it wouldn't even have to be that exaggerated.
We definitely need to see pictures.
I love the little nods to Weird Al in this fic. The sauerkraut, the accordion, the glasses. Fun times!
4384336 4387889
What! What have I been missing? That pegasus collision... please tell me that one was tongue in cheek. The other two are ridiculous as well, but kind of the norm in a fantasy fandom.
4400686 It was totally tongue in cheek! Plane or car crashes in which important people to the protagonist die are de rigeur, but if there are no planes, multi-Pegasus pileups will have to do.
4400905
Pffft. I'm imagining a pair of pegasi reporting on the big crash from the air and into a radio broadcast or something. One to report and the other to keep the cord from getting caught on stuff or something. I'm trying to make a helicopter reference and it's not even working in my mind very well.
I guess this means Rainbow Dash needs to worry about lawsuits and stuff if she ever crash lands into a couple with a young foal. The origin story of the next Mare-Do Well!
4400526
Baw, thanks. I did not not expect it to have such a good reception so far.
I am working on a sequel of sorts to this, only it's in Tommy's POV. This story is heavily biased for Cheese's POV, so yeah, of course it paints Tommy as the backstabbing brother. I'm trying to work in a sympathetic view in Tommy's story, even though the relationship between him and Cheese ends up being strained even more. I'm still trying to work out the kink of "How the heck did you not notice that Cheese was lonely and upset with you for the past few years?"
4403880
Aw yiss! Tommy's POV would be lovely. As for not noticing, what if he did notice? When we know something is wrong, often times the hardest thing is to talk about it. Especially if we feel guilty in any way. What if Tommy had some idea and he does feel bad for not helping, but he sees it as mostly being Cheese's fault? After all, once he had his own friends, he could try including his brother, but what if that would have been more awkward and not less?
What if he did try, little things, which Cheese never recognized for what they were? What if his only attempts at helping seemed like further betrayals and then he gave up and felt angry with Cheese for making everything worse when Cheese didn't realize Tommy was reaching out to him? It's not necessarily a misunderstanding either. Tommy could have been openly ashamed of him and defensive and over time got more critical, so it was hard to take anything he did at face value and Tommy himself had become grudging about it. I think Cheese had some idea of what he was doing with his life then, but not on a personal level, so maybe Cheese didn't want help. All he wanted was companionship and to repair the rift between the two of them, but relationships were never his strong suit. He found very little of that in Tommy, who had other things to do and who just wanted to shove Cheese off on some other pony, so he'd be less mopey and become the older brother that Tommy used to see in him. Maybe Cheese eventually gave up.
Just some of my immediate thoughts! There are ways to do it where it's not a case of ignorance, simply confusion and anxiety all around. It can get convoluted, but I think it's also more natural that way. It's realistic when the bigger problem is that no one knows what to do!
It's not as if one simple discussion would make it all better (although it could help, but it wouldn't solve everything.) They literally can't go back to the way they used to be. Tommy saw Cheese for who he was, found him wanting, and at the time moved on with his own childhood life. Cheese can't take it back or become popular. That's not his thing.
Of course, it also helps to show the good times. It wasn't all terrible. It just wasn't what Cheese or Tommy wanted and they never completely made amends?
But doesn't Cheese know that other colts are starving in Neigh-pon? He should just Eat It.
So that is Tommy. Tomato. I am looking forward to the other stories. Great job. I hope Tommy appears in Rock farmers Daughter.
4509157 ... You... You... Really just went there, didn't you? WOW, that pun was BAD. And TOTALLY cheesy.
It then turns out that their parents' names are Bacon and Lettuce Sandwich.
4400610
To be fair, the glasses and the accordion were already painted by canon
Did you catch the Fat reference?
9374592
Might have missed that one. Likely, I was running low on Vitamin Caffeine…