Scootaloo is disappointed one day to learn that Applebloom and Sweetie Belle can't play with her. Bored out of her mind, she wanders the streets of Ponyville... until she meets a strange colt, tending his garden.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 31st Oct, 2013
- offline last seen Oct 2nd, 2020
Eyvind
I write pony fanfiction, mostly sappy romance stuff.
Eyvind
Joined 31st Oct, 2013 ·
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- Eyvind · 1.7k words · 29 2 · 914 views
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Sounds nice!
Hmmm, I love the concept for this one, and I like the way you've pieced it together. I like you taking advantage of Scoots need to brag, and connecting her with a cute OC. It was a pleasant read.
It's got some grammatical errors though, and a few places that could be polished up. For instance, you use a lot of said-isms, repetitive wording, and there are a few awkward dialogue spots. You also have a "tell not show" problem that should be addressed. A quick edit could get this reading much better. If you'd like, I might be willing to do an edit in exchange for a review on one of my short stories.
It's as good as bacon wrapped doughnuts upon pancakes with more bacon and glaze sauce!
I like Willow as a character but his name implies something ominous if the history of it has any indication.
4774655 that sounds like an interesting proposition
Do you have a specific story that you want me to read?
4776397 My favorite short I wrote would be The Mess We're In. If you want to do another though, I won't complain
They're all slice of life, some with romance, some without.
4776404 Cool, sounds like my kinda read
4776409 Cool. I'll get going with the edit.
i just wanted you to know dear author,i...... I've been hurt before and whilst im near positive i shall be hurt again,by this,please.....be gentle.
faved.