30 years old closet brony from the center of Europe. Just happily doing my thing in my corner of the internet.
Twilight has to repair a locomotive after a derailement to escape from the middle of nowhere.
The problem is: she has never done anything like this, she has no idea how to do it, she has no way to do it and, in short, she can't do it.
But her friends still believe in her. In fact, they think it will be a piece of cake for a pony as smart as Twilight.
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Wow, I was expecting garbage but there isn't really anything wrong with the first chapter, so wtf? And this only has 3 total votes? Something's not right...
So, Twilight... Diiiid you check to see if the parking brake was on before you started all this?
4363126
Actually, I think the "open introduction" (where I pretty much don't explain anything), the picture I used, the fact the story still isn't very good and the mass of different chapters are the primary reasons.
I personnally like it, because it speaks to me, but I imagine that I'm blinded and that, in fact:
- the story is too obscure for the reader to identitfy with Twilight and/or understand what is going on
- the subject of the story is a little bit restrictive (and therefore only targets very few readers, as the others wouldn't "feel" or "understand" the problematic which they may have never encountered in that way)
- the style is quite poor (not much humor, lot of lost opportunities here and there...)
- also, the ending probably feels rushed... I tend to be very bad with endings.
If you have time, it would really help me if you could tell me if those hypotheses are right, because, at that point, I'm only guessing.
4363208
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That is the sort of humor I wish I had put into the story instead of being so serious all the way.
Was this like a metaphor for puberty or something......
4483252
Sort of. The metaphor was (second degree reading):
- the track of the trains are the path we follow in life to make our journey through it
- the locomotive is the mean we need to successfully make our journey (from getting a diplom to getting a job...)
- Twilihgt's friends are the friends and family who show support but cannot help because they cannot do it for you
- Twilight's friends when they party are the people that have already succeeded (or seem to have succeeded) that we observe and sort of envy when we still haven't succeeded
Puberty is having to "prove" ourselves as "adults". In that sense: maybe. It just wasn't directly my intention.
Finally, the whole story was just there for me to shout (to people who won't read it
) "Stop thinking and telling me that I'll succeed easily, because I can fail and I'm afraid to fail."
But that's more a "third degree" reading.
4484750
I like.
4492449
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I tend to forget how pleasant it is to hear such words. Thanks
Something about this chapter makes it the most memorable of the whole thing