Twilight was feeling great. She was floating in the air, under the heat of the magnificent red sun, without even using her wings, or any sort of magic. She was just floating and the air was the most pleasant thing ever. There was no pain, no feelings anymore. It wasn’t too hot or too cold anymore. Everything was perfect.
She opened her eyes and the illusion of the dream followed for a few seconds before she realized she had fallen asleep on the pieces of the engine. The pain forced her to get up. She stretched in the hope it would make things better, which it kind of did, and looked at her work from the night. The amalgam of pieces she had assembled looked like nothing she had ever seen and certainly not the train engine.
It didn’t matter. Twilight convinced herself it didn’t. At all.
She just went back to the camp and began to look for food for breakfast, but remembered she had eaten the last bit the last day. So she drank a bit of water, noticing that there wasn’t much left either and, went under her tent where she just closed her eyes again.
“Hum… Twilight?” asked Applejack’s voice. “Shouldn’t you be working on the train?”
The alicorn kept her eyes closed.
“I know it’s not easy sugarcube.” the orange earth pony kept on saying. “But you’re the only one that can do it. You can’t give up.”
“Like hell I can!” suddenly shouted Twilight, furious, without even looking at Applejack. “And I give up! I’ll never fix that engine. I’ll die there and I don’t care anymore.”
“Don’t say things like that!” implored Applejack, very worried for her friend. “You have to try. If you try hard enough, you’ll succeed for sure. It’s just a matter of will for somepony like you.”
Now Twilight just went from furious to out of the scale bad shit enraged. She got up and looked at the earth pony right into the eyes and then pushed her away as she said:
“Oh yeah, it’s merely a matter of will. If I want it enough I’m sure the engine will just obey and everything will be fine.” Twilight pushed Applejack once again with all the strength she had. “Do you have any idea how hard what you are asking is? I can’t do it. I can’t do it! I just can’t! In what language do I have to tell you? Je ne peux pas le faire. Ich kann es nicht machen. No way! If you think it’s so easy, just do it yourself. In fact, why don’t you try it right now? I’m sure you’ll just have to want it strongly enough and everything will obey your will, right?”
She stopped there. She could see the fear in Applejack’s eyes. And she felt like apologizing. Never had Twilight wanted to scare of hurt her friend. She was just tired. And a bit hungry. And ashamed. And very afraid.
The orange earth pony probably felt that because she went back up and just said:
“I’m sorry sugarcube. I really am. I can’t help you. You’re the only one who can fix that engine.”
A little silence ensued, as Twilight had nothing to respond. She already knew she was the one who had to do it. The fact she couldn’t didn’t change anything there.
“I still believe in you.” said Applejack. “I’m sure you’ll manage. You always do. For somepony like you, it’s a piece of cake, right?” she added with a smile.
Twilight smiled back. She was pretending to agree, as Applejack was pretending, at least it seemed so, that she believed in Twilight. There was nothing else to do. Just pretend until the very end.
Twilight noticed Applejack’s party hat.
“Oh, that?” said the orange pony, realizing what was behind the princess’s look. “Well, it’s kind of my birthday tonight, so we have organized a little party. There will be cake, and punch and then we will play some games and have fun.”
Applejack smiled at the idea of the party, because she knew it was going to be great.
“Sounds nice.” stated Twilight.
“It sure does.” replied Applejack. “And I heard that the other have prepared some great gifts for me. I know I shouldn’t await those, but I’m still a little bit excited to say the truth.”
“Certainly sounds nice.” repeated Twilight.
“Yeah. It will be a blast.” affirmed Applejack, knowing it was going to be a blast for sure.
“So…” said Twilight, without going any further.
“So?” asked Applejack.
“Well, you know…” said Twilight.
“No I don’t. What is it? Is there something you want?” asked Applejack, ready to help.
“I was just going to say I had to go back to that engine and fix it.” Twilight lied.
“Oh, that…” began the orange pony. “I’m deeply sorry. One day for sure, right? After all, you’ll be done with the train in no time now.” sort of didn’t lie Applejack.
They both looked at each other for a while, in silence, in what was a pretty awkward stand, but Applejack finally said goodbye and went back to the party that was awaiting her, as Twilight went back to the train and the impossible task of fixing the engine.
She began to blindly assemble pieces together at first, but soon tears appeared on her cheeks that she couldn’t ignore. She could hear the sound of the party in the distance, knowing everypony was having a lot of fun, and focused on the pieces even more than before.
For a moment, she thought she had found something. Some sort of a trail she could follow to solve the mystery of that engine. It put her into a trance where she just saw stuff like never before. The pieces were literally speaking to here, saying things like:
“I’m here to ignite the first booster, I want to be coupled with the string number sixteen B.”
Or:
“My role is to enable the compression of the air through the chamber. If you add a join, I shall provide a force that can be transferred to a lever arm.”
She assembled them like never before. She wasn’t even looking at her notes anymore, she was just putting stuff together and it always worked great. She never needed to force any piece with another. She never needed to wonder if she was doing things right. She was right. She just had to follow the instructions the pieces were giving her. Even if she was just gluing stuff together, even if she knew, deep inside, she wasn’t doing anything helpful at all, even if, at some point, she realized she had damaged a few pieces in the process.
At least she had been under the impression, for a few minutes, to have been able to do something worthwhile.
She stopped her levitation spell and a dozen of pieces fell on the ground. She looked at the engine, but it was painful to look at. Twilight felt bad for that piece of machinery. After all that time, it had become like a son for her, in a very metaphorical sense. She knew she had been acting very wrong toward it and apologized.
She slowly began to take the pieces away once again, to heal the engine, so that she could repair it correctly in the future. To prove she was going to take good care of it, she even kissed it on one of the front plates.
“Twilight?” asked Pinkie Pie’s voice. “Are you feeling alright?”
The alicorn turned back to her friend. She wasn’t feeling alright. She was sweating, she was dizzy, she was afraid and in some kind of trance. She suddenly lost the coordination of her hooves and began to fall, but Pinkie Pie caught her up before she touched the ground.
“Don’t worry, I’m here.” she said. “We are your friends, we will always be at your side to support you.” she added with a smile.
“I’m sorry Pinkie.” Twilight told her. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you sorry about? Because of the party? Because you missed the party? Don’t worry your silly head about that.” Pinkie Pie said with a smile, “There will be plenty of other parties and they will be even better than that one.”
But it wasn’t why Twilight wanted to apologize.
“No.” the princess began. “I’m sorry because I let you down. I let all of you down. I couldn’t repair the engine. I just couldn’t do it. I hope you’ll excuse me.”
But for all response, Pinkie Pie just deposed a piece of cake in front of Twilight, hugged the alicorn and kissed her front, before happily hopping away.
Twilight stayed there for a moment, looking at the cake, and, as the cake hadn’t disappeared, reached for it and tasted it. Surprised by the taste, she quickly swallowed the rest of it and felt a little bit better.
There was no plate left, and for a moment Twilight wondered if she had eaten the plate as well as the slice of cake, but it didn’t matter enough for her to solve that matter.
She took a decision. Either she would be able to repair that engine, or she would die trying.
So, for two days straight, between dream and reality, caught inside a long torment made of illusions, hallucinations and fever, more hungry with every second passing and ever more thirsty, Twilight worked on the engine.
But at in the end, as the sun went down in the horizon, as she had used every single piece she had at her disposal on the ground, she had no other choice but to accept that there was no universe in which what she had created would propel anything whatsoever.
Exhausted, not knowing if she was still alive or dead already, Twilight closed her eyes.