Words can be powerful. Sometimes, these words don’t need magic behind them. Spike hears three words he hoped to never hear from someone he cherished. For the spirit of chaos and disharmony, there is something that must done.
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- Member Since 8th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 17th, 2022
DouglasTrotter
What fills and soothes the soul will vary, but for me, I will not know until I try.
DouglasTrotter
Joined 8th Oct, 2012 ·
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Interesting concept.
4329859
Thanks, I wanted to touch on this subject for quite some time.
Ummm honestly, this story makes zero sense. It jumps around to much without any kind of break, flashes backwords and forwords, needed information is not even hinted at.
To top things off you have Rarity going from loving spike, to hating him to loving him again. This also makes no sense. The spell is broken when true words are spoken, so you are saying Rarity always hated him then suddenly loved him again?
Interesting, but hard to follow. It needs a bit more fleshing out to properly understand certain things like what changed about the spell, why Rarity had to say something that wasn't necessarily the truth and so on.
4330431
Thanks for the input, I'll take this into account when I write my next story.
The basic premise was Spike swallowing the Inspiration spell book. It was due to his nature as a dragon that the inspiration spell transformed and changed alongside him. A side effect was Spike's crush on Rarity turning into profound love. This is probably where I went wrong as things made more sense in my mind vs digital paper.
As for the "truth", Rarity hated that version of Spike and she had to tell him. It broke her heart because she believed that Spike and the one she cared for as a friend were one in the same. Though Twilight knew both Spikes were different, doubt lingered in her mind while she also believed the same thing as Rarity. Spike turned back to normal, but the "echoing caves" carried Rarity's voice down the caverns.
It's the echo of Rarity's voice that sets off a chain reaction. Where I went wrong was focusing on Spike and the environment vs the core aspect of telling a story. I went overboard on the environment. Another area I went overboard on was over correcting scenes where Spike was crying, having so many that it's a miracle he wasn't dehydrated by the end of the story.
I'll just remember this next time I write a story.
Well surprisingly that made sense to me and I really like it. I have never honestly thought about repercussions of Spike eating the book and when I finished reading I was surprised at how well you put it together and I commend you that was very much worth reading.
But also I would like it if you answered the last sentence of this story with a possible sequel. What do you think?
4578256
I'm working on a few stories right now that are taking a bit longer than usual. With this story, I've been tempted to do a sequel that sheds more light on things. It would go into greater detail to explain what happened after Spike ate the book, what he does during that time, progression, and eventually leads into this.
Not bad! I rather enjoyed reading this.
When I got to the middle, I had to reread it from the beginning because it didn't make sense the first time. Good story though.