What fills and soothes the soul will vary, but for me, I will not know until I try.
There are scientific facts that are proven time and again through simple observation. Gravity. The earth's orbit and rotation. Water freezes when it gets cold. Science fails in the face of magic. Somehow, a pony ends up in my closet. Now I have to deal with two things, finding a job and keeping this pony out of trouble.
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Dawwwwww.... SO MUCH DAWWWW....
i can't lie it's not bad and generally it's not as if it's creepy as my little dashie is but really well there are hundreds of other fics like this out there and really i can't say that i consider this one any better then the other. i do like that the protagonist doesn't seem to be a freak who lives on his own and generally worrying but to be honest just because that's the case doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy this story. it's just that well It's not bad but it's not good
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Agreed. There are tons of fics out there, so I'm not going for a niche area or trying to make it something crazy like it's the closet of a guy who's in the year 2125 with flying cars, space travel, quantum computers, and the like. This will just be my take on things. Now that I have said that, I will try to do things different down the road.
5564639 well i can't lie i'm probably not going to read it but i'll keep my eye on it anyway
No fair! I was looking for laughably bad human fics, not this DECENTLY WRITTEN stuff.
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Nice little story. Look forward to reading more of this one.
It needs more!
This is probably the lightest fimfic story I've ever read.
Don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I'm guessing it's good, as I somehow can relate to the human character's almost apathetic reaction to finding an Equestrian pony in his house. (It has something to do with my 'irl stuff.')
I can feel the story. But you might want to have it edited.
Thumbs upping and shelving.
Possible corrections, or I might be the one in the wrong:
There are several of the above in the story. I've made the same mistakes too when I started writing fimfics. Burned my editor out because of it.
2. "I know, you 'want to go home,' Apple Bloom. I'm sorry. Really, I am. I just don't know how to get you back home to where you come from."
-"I know, you 'want to go home' Apple Bloom. I'm sorry. Really, I am. I just don't know how to get you back home to where you came from."
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Thanks for the info about the corrections. That part about come/came is one I really struggled with myself. I'll be sure to give the story another once over and add in the corrections you mentioned.
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You're welcome.
I just remembered that it is a good idea to try and be a good editor yourself. Getting editors is great, but they tend to be busy with their own lives. They can however, give you and your fic something unique - their perspective.
awww
dis is a nice story
I am thinking that Equestria and Earth are on different timeframes. Minutes passing on Equestria with days on Earth.
Yay, update
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How is "a pony ends up in my closet" a scientific fact?
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In all honesty, the intended scientific facts are Gravity, the earth's orbit and rotation, and the fact water freezes when it gets cold. It's the "science fails in the face of magic" statement that should, at least I had hoped, break things up and lead into the part of a pony ending up in the closet of the protagonist to be "unscientific" in nature.
'Bout ta start readin', wonder who is gonna end up bein' in da closet. I'm bettin' it's gonna be Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and R Kelly.
It's a pretty simple equation really; Abel is about to kill Bob, you have the ability to kill Abel first, what do you do? In this situation you have to make a choice, you have to choose who dies. You have to decide whether willing-to-kill-another-for-personal-motivations Abel or not-actively-trying-to-murder-someone Bob dies, binary solution. Given that Abel has proven he is willing to murder there is a significant chance that he will do so again after Bob's death, deciding Abel gets to live means you may have to make the same choice between Abel and Chuck in a minute... then Abel and Derrick... and Abel and Eddy... Frank, Gary, Harry, Isabella, Jack, Kelly, Luke, Mary, Nick, Oscar, Pete, Qamar, Raymond, Sally, Tiny Tim, Ulric, Vicky, Walter, Xander, YOU... not Zaccai though, if you choose Abel's life over your own you won't have to make any decisions ever again.
This is pretty much the thought process behind every Concealed Carry Permit application. "If someone decides to murder me or someone around me, someone is going to die so who would I rather see live? The person trying to kill me/others or me/others?" Murderers however generally don't bother with getting a CCP, they're already planning to commit bigger crimes. And make no mistake, if you have the power to stop a murder and you do nothing you are choosing to let that person die.
Our hero probably isn't genre-savvy enough to pray that he hasn't been saddled with one of the Cuddlestias.
You translate crybaby as Bebe Llorona, not llora bebe, that means Baby Cry like if you were telling a baby to cry.
Fairly certain only someone from Ponyville could talk about something from Tartarus like it was just a common and plain thing.
Nice story
:)
Huh. Well, that's not too ambitious of a fic, thankfully. It's reading more light-hearted, aside from the 'woe is me, I'm poor' narrative that I hope doesn't suck up too much oxygen.
I could tell that was Apple Bloom from her first few words thanks to her accent
So the protagonist doesn't want to give Abby his name. I certainly hope that's not to try and go with the lame trope of trying to have a character that 'we' can insert ourselves into being
It's a good thing he only bought Macintosh apples and not Granny Smith apples too. At least it's pretty difficult to get Applejack liquor in modern-day society (not that the protagonist should be bringing liquor home to a filly anyways, mind!)
Huh. So Scoots can fly at least in this story.
The way the ponies are multiplying, the protagonist's budget will soon be a wreck
. On the other hand, once Sweetie Belle shows up, if she's any good at magic, maybe she can do something that'll help his money woes.
If the protagonist has a car, sooner or later he'll have to try taking them out on a road trip to somewhere private and remote so they can get some outdoors exercise. Well, he's certainly slowly turning into papa human regardless
Well, the CMC are still fillies. Like human children, you try not to expose people that age to the evils of this world. Granted, humans are a little bit more aware of that type of stuff than the CMC would be (I mean, their world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Show canon has the Crystal Empire with all the slavery, and movie canon has slavery in the modern-day world and a run-down metropolis in Klugetown just outside of Equestria's borders), but the same principle.
On that note...if there's not going to be an actual point in which the protagonist has to start REALLY making tough choices about money, it's really best to just stop bringing in money woes. If it isn't actually going to be a plot point, it just gets annoying to read about.
You'd think they could at least write a note on some paper and attach it to the ropes, too. That should have occurred to them.
Well, Celestia coming along is a big game-changer. I assume she voluntarily crossed the portal (with a crystal in place) to look after the CMC while Twilight finds a way to reverse the portal action so they can cross back over. That, and while Twilight will have been trying to work on the portal already, she'll be extra-motivated if Celestia is on the other side of a currently one-way portal too
. Though Celestia will eat more food, she'll also be able to help our main character with keeping the CMC's morale up.
And even if the protagonist rejects the crown, some magic would probably go a long ways to getting a working job again.
I'll assume the blue smoke from earlier was Princess Luna, or potentially the Tantabus.
Huh. Well, that took a little bit of a turn for the less light-hearted. The protagonist, whose name we still don't know (that's seriously one of the things you shouldn't be trying to be coy about, I feel it hurts the narrative of the story by making him that much more impersonal to us, the readers), collapsing like that. It looks like he's also got some background and history that's making him angst and stress out. Fortunately, it looks like he does have some money, but it's all tied up in ownership of his house, apparently. Seriously, just take a single stone or two off the crown itself. One of them would be several years worth of expenses possibly.
Hopefully we won't get into the case of 'oh I have to pay hospital bills too' next.
Huh. This story took a little bit of another bizarre genre shift for a few chapters.
When it was revealed Sanctuary had manifested herself as a pony spirit and everyone assumed she was the new Nightmare, I was thinking to myself, "But that nightmare the protagonist had took place long before Sanctuary was built." So I wasn't caught off guard by the Nightmare spirit coming out. I was surprised the Nightmare had enough juice to go for a second round after being sucked out of Sanctuary, but it looks like she's been effectively neutralised.
On a side note, it's a good thing they're finally growing their own food. And with a mini-oven, maybe the human can go down to the store and buy some frozen pizzas so the CMC aren't racking up hundred-dollar bills every night
I going to keep on reading, but something about main main character I don't like.He whines about alout of stuff, well, thats the best word I know. I just just don't like him, at all. Plus, the whole name we don't know, it's annoying. I'll keep reading, but ya.
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I apologize for the late reply, but I did want to say thanks for the honest criticism of the character. The character does come off as whiny, and the current idea is to ween them off of that habit.
It started in the early chapters with the idea of the depression, anxiety, and abandonment issues meant to act as flaws for the character. Instead, they've become an issue, much to the point it consumes the character. Over time, the story has evolved to negate some of those flaws as the character comes to terms with what has happened. In the next chapter, I'll be a little more mindful of things.
*Edit* Sorry: Hit the wrong button and deleted my comment to ya.
Just glad I could use the back-button to retrieve what I meant to say/post up w/o having to write it from scratch.
Not bad, but I wonder what is going to do the people in earth
I don't usually post comments, especially not negative ones, so I'll try to keep this light and concise.
The story starts off well written and entertaining, does a genre switch to haunted house/Scooby Doo/murder mystery for a few chapters, then devolves into incoherency. The time-stamps become ridiculous and events/moments become out of sync or teased like a podcast/YouTube video main point.
It feels to me that the author started off writing something they enjoyed; something that meant something to them. Then was praised for a couple stylized flares, and tried to incorporate them as much as possible. So much so that the voice of the story shifts dramatically to the point that finishing it after the Sanctuary arc felt like a chore.
A lot of nice ideas and a good collection of endearing moments, but they were smothered further into the story.