Featured In8

More Stories3

  • T It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door

    When an accident leaves Twilight Sparkle seriously ill, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity must undertake a perilous journey to find her a cure. What adventures await them beyond Equestria's borders?
    146,525 words · 3,410 views  ·  1,117  ·  28 · gore
  • E Nightmare State of Mind

    Welcome you poor, you flawed, you hopeless, you inadequates- welcome to the Queendom of Nocturne!
    11,542 words · 1,362 views  ·  204  ·  8
  • E The Sun Never Sets

    In old Equestria, a new power sits upon the throne, and new secrets are veiled from the light of day.
    4,390 words · 895 views  ·  117  ·  5

Blog Posts6

  • 2w, 2d
    The Mane Six (Plus One) & Character Attention

    One of the things I'm finding out in writing Besides the Will of Evil is that it's much harder to write for seven main characters than it is to write for three.  With It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door, I only really had to worry about half of the Mane Six; those of you who recall the story will remember that Twilight, Pinkie, and Fluttershy were barely heard from over the course of the adventure.  Rarity, Dash, and AJ took up the bulk of the action, and they developed into a tightly knit trio, bouncing off each other well and becoming a satisfying matrix of character interaction.

    In Will of Evil, though, I have all six of them to deal with.  Then there's Spike, who's very much a main character as well.  And Celestia and Luna have major supporting roles; with them are the many, many deer, ponies, and other creatures among my long list of original characters.  We've also dwelt on Trixie's time with Reiziger, who himself gets no small amount of spotlight, and we've even ranged afield to see what's going on in the Crystal Empire.  This isn't a story about a journey, but in crisscrossing Equestria several times, I feel as though it's covered more ground, and it's certainly explored more characters.

    I confess, then, that I've found it difficult to balance everybody at times.  Obviously, the Mane Six are the biggest characters, and they are all equally main characters.  Some, though, have proved more equal than others.  The middle of the story has very much been the domain of Twilight, Dash, and Rarity, with a strong second effort from Applejack.  I've dealt modestly with Fluttershy, and Pinkie I have accidentally neglected.  To some degree this is unavoidable due to the way I have the story planned out.  However, I shall continue trying to include all six of them (plus Spike) as equally as I can.

    It's funny- I've never read George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire series, but even so, I've developed a respect for him over the course of writing Will of Evil.  It's no easy thing to juggle so many characters, all of them with their own motivations and personalities.  I hope I've done a decent job so far, and I hope for constant improvement to come.

    In particular, Pinkie and Fluttershy will both get their moments to shine.  In fact, in the end they may make all the difference.

    6 comments · 135 views
  • 9w, 5d
    Songs

    Songs play an essential part of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.  After all, they've been part of the show since the second episode gave us "Giggle at the Ghosty."  Some have been great ("Raise This Barn"), some have been fun ("Winter Wrap-Up"), and some are merely okay ("Big Brother Best Friend Forever").  However, it's undeniable that music is vital to what gives FiM its charm.

    In this spirit, I've never been afraid to throw singing into my stories.  When my work gets somewhat grim and dark, songs shine through the moody atmosphere like a searchlight piercing the fog, reminding us that in the Ponyverse, love prevails, hope is rewarded, and friendship has genuine magical power.  Songs are expressions of devotion (Applejack singing "Shady Grove"), of grief ("The Lament for Gil-Galad"), and of good humor (the circus ponies' song).  Even Reiziger, terrible villain that he is, gets in on the act with his response to Gil-Galad's lament.  If you thought he enjoyed that, you're right; he was in supreme command of the situation, every variable under his control, and what better way to express that confidence than through song?

    So there's more singing to come.  Reiziger may even get another song.  Cadence has a song, many chapters away.  And there may be a reprise of one of the show's great songs.  Stay tuned.

    What's your favorite song in the show?

    10 comments · 182 views
  • 12w, 4d
    Reiziger's Sounding Board

    At this point in Besides the Will of Evil, it's fair to start wondering why Reiziger continues to keep Trixie around.  After all, it can be argued that she's outlived her usefulness.  She did just get named his High Priestess, but realistically, that's a duty that could have fallen to one of his new changeling servants.  Why persist in allowing her beside him?

    Some of it can be chalked up to Reiziger's previous comments about loyalty.  He does genuinely reward loyalty, at least at this point in his ambitions.  Trixie had multiple opportunities to obey the unsettling feelings in her heart and stop helping him while he was still a 'guest' of the circus, but she persisted.  She was the first of his new servants, and though she has had some misgivings in her heart, in practice her loyalty has not wavered- so neither has his.

    However, the more I write the two of them together, the more I begin to realize that one of Reiziger's primary reasons for keeping Trixie around is to have someone to talk to.  Reiziger, like many villains, loves the sound of his own voice (and it is rather magnificent, at least in my head).  He thinks he is terribly wise and clever, and he thus relishes all opportunities to put that wisdom and cleverness on display in his remarks.  Yet he is not the sort of creature to talk to himself.  He needs someone to bounce his words off of, someone to bear witness to his greatness and reinforce it.

    That's where Trixie comes in.  The newly-promoted Metamorph also serves that purpose, but as we'll see, he's not much for scintillating conversation.  Trixie is rather clever and well-spoken herself, and though she addresses Reiziger from a position of mingled terror and worship, she nevertheless tends to know what to say in response to her lord's remarks.  Everybody likes good conversation, even a dark lord.  Indeed, I'd argue that a certain type of dark lord (of which Reiziger is one) loves conversation especially, and that, for him, would be reason enough to let Trixie stick around.

    By the way, I've paid attention to the guesses in the comments of the story about what Reiziger sounds like.  Benedict Cumberbatch and Clancy Brown are my two favorite suggestions I've seen thus far.  I'll add to those a voice I don't believe has been recommended yet: Cory Burton doing his Megatron voice from Transformers Animated.


    I think it fits.

    9 comments · 285 views
  • 13w, 23h
    From the World Called Urth

    6 comments · 223 views
  • 16w, 1d
    Chapter Update - And New (Old) Stories!

    Hello, everyone!  I've been made aware that the new chapter alert for Besides the Will of Evil didn't go off for everyone, so just to let you know: Chapter 12 is up!

    Besides the Will of Evil

    Now for the second announcement: I'm pleased to make you aware that two of my short stories are on FIMfiction now.  "The Sun Never Sets" was the very first Pony story of any length that I wrote, and "Nightmare State of Mind" was the last one I wrote in 2011/2012, making it the last thing I wrote before I went on my hiatus.  They sort of sandwich Dangerous Business in my Pony Fiction career, each one representing a point on the line of my writing style, and talents.

    The Sun Never Sets

    Nightmare State of Mind

    As for what I might do in the future of both continuities, I haven't decided.  Part of me is tempted to leave them as they are, to let them stand as glimpses into strange and broken permutations of the FIM universe we know and love.  On the other hand, both worlds could reasonably be expanded upon.  I have given more than a little thought to the futures of both Queen Rarity and Radiant Dawn, and I could extend both their tales without much drop in quality.

    Or I could do a crossover...

    6 comments · 193 views
  • ...
 631
 3,338
Source

This story is a sequel to It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door

3000 views!  Awesome!  Keep it up!

An ancient evil has awakened.  No, really, it has.  From the depths of time, a black, noxious threat has risen up after millennia of imprisonment.  It washes like oil over Equestria, swallowing up towns and uncovering terrible secrets long buried. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rarity are prepared to combat this great darkness.  However, to do so, they must uncover the truths about the Elements of Harmony, and the truths about the ancient forerunners of Equestrian culture.  What they find will challenge their conceptions of their own places in history and ponydom's place in the world.  The six Bearers of the Elements must draw upon their friendship and the strength of their hearts to stand firm against the darkness.  If they fail, it will mean the end of everything.

First Published
16th Apr 2014
Last Modified
20th Oct 2014
#1 · 27w, 1d ago · 8 · · A Note on Antlers ·

Oh shit, I hope this lives up to the legacy

RBDash47
Site Blogger
#2 · 27w, 1d ago · 13 · · A Note on Antlers ·

Boy, when you hint at a sequel, you don't mess around.

#3 · 27w, 1d ago · 2 · · A Note on Antlers ·

Seriously?

A sequel?

Welp.  Guess I've something I need to finish before this.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#4 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · A Note on Antlers ·

To be honest, I'm not sure I want to even read a sequel; the story is so complete in my mind, and so much has happened in the lore since then that "fast and loose with continuity" is not something that would ever draw me in.

It's on the RIL, for now.

#5 · 27w, 1d ago · 3 · · A Note on Antlers ·

Interesting, will have to read the original first before tackling this story.

Also, what's with the weird descriptions? Almost none of this is needed to know about the actual story. Hell, most of this information can better be used in the author notes. I have next to no clue what this story is about unless I look at the short description. Not too huge a complaint, but it might put off new readers from the story series. :twilightsmile:

#6 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · A Note on Antlers ·

Dude, really, if canon bothers Dangerous canon, move on. It's already alternate universe, you don't need to be chained by it. Let your imagination free and do the best job you can.

Also, what kind of Original Fiction are you talking about?

#7 · 27w, 1d ago · 16 · 12 · A Note on Antlers ·

What I got from your story's description:

Blah blah "I wrote a super awesome story" blah blah "this is a sequel to that awesome story I wrote" blah blah "this has some stuff from that awesome story" blah blah *insert incredibly vague description that could be describing anything from this story to a movie you saw four years ago* blah blah

I don't mean to be a downer, but fuck dude write a normal story description and put all this wanking over yourself in a blog post and just tag this story in it.

Eldorado
Moderator
#8 · 27w, 1d ago · 8 · · A Note on Antlers ·

>>4241328 I tend to agree.

You should put some clearer descriptions of what's going on in the story and what it's about closer to the top. This mostly reads like a personal blog until that half-paragraph at the bottom, and even that's really vague and essentially just restates character/genre tags.

Remember that the short description is only visible in compact view like the stories panel on the right side of the page and in archive browsing mode. When you're actually looking at the story, it's not visible, and so the long description has to do the same job.

#9 · 27w, 1d ago · · · A Note on Antlers ·

I'm in. Let's roll.

#10 · 27w, 1d ago · 2 · · A Note on Antlers ·

Umm, okay, question: What exactly is the story about? Just a plot summary, a teaser, something, if you please.

#11 · 27w, 1d ago · 5 · · A Note on Antlers ·

>>4241299 I'll agree with our sponge of awesomeness here. And slightly reword and not be a meanie like >>4241328 .

Authors notes can be used in such a way, as he described, or even blog posts, as most of us would use them. We usually save a lot of these details for those who wish to read our blogs and dive deeper into how we think as writers, readers, and see our creative process. I highly recommend a lot of this information go to a blog instead, to clear it out and focus extensively on pulling in those new readers who truly need to read what you have to write and bring to the table.

I would absolutely put the Note on Antlers in an authors notes, although now I am rereading it, it might be better to weave this information throughout the story, and slowly begin to give us more information as the story goes on.

So please, don't get discouraged, and know so many of us support you and can't wait to see more of what you write.

Although, if I must comment on both this and Dangerous, did the formatting get thrown off transferring it? It seems the paragraph breaks were cut. I know it could be an hour or three long task to shuffle through the old novel to slice them correctly, but I want as many people to read these stories as possible, and losing those breaks can make it hard to read. Which is a crime, considering how well you write.

#12 · 27w, 1d ago · 2 · · A Note on Antlers ·

>>4241418

And slightly reword and not be a meanie like >> Willow the Pegasus .

Never said I wasn't a bitch.

#13 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · A Note on Antlers ·

SWEET JESUS A SEQUEL

#14 · 27w, 1d ago · 3 · · Chapter 2 ·

I head over to Fimfiction to check what new stories are around.  I see something shocking in the featured box.  I quick trip to the author page reveals a sequel?!.

Lab
#15 · 27w, 1d ago · 9 · · Chapter 2 ·

Relax bro, I just needed to take a piss. I'm headed back to bed.

—Ancient Evil

#16 · 27w, 1d ago · 5 · · Chapter 2 ·

I don't believe this. A sequel after all these years.

Welp, time to read despite being tired :rainbowwild:

#17 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

There's a sequel?! This is like a birthday gift to me :pinkiehappy: only a month late, oh well.I know what I'm reading! *Dives right in with enthusiasm*

#18 · 27w, 1d ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

Dangerous Business was the first fanfic I'd ever read, and to this day is one of my absolute favorites that the fandom has written. Very excited to see a sequel.

#19 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

omgomgomgomg a sequel!!!!!

#20 · 27w, 1d ago · 3 · · Chapter 2 ·

I almost fell out of my chair. A sequel.

Please excuse me, I need to run into the other room and squeal at an octave that will panic dogs.

#21 · 27w, 1d ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

Ladies and Gentlemen.

It's time for round 2.

Let's do this.

#22 · 27w, 1d ago · 2 · · Chapter 1 ·

One of the mane 6 struggling to learn a new concept, just at the cusp of an epic adventure. Where have I seen this before? :derpytongue2:

#23 · 27w, 1d ago · 6 · · Chapter 2 ·

HUZZAH!!

HUZZAH!!!

HUZZAH!!!!

Ahem.

So... three years later, what took AJ, Rarity and Dash days, Twilight teleports across in four jumps and finds three flowers and the bad guy kills the last stories' end-of-level boss.

Ladies and gentlecolts this is what is called "levelling up...!"

This is gonna be GOOD.

Also, we get extra-special bonus points for starting with the Princesses on the scene this time (which makes up for the fact Twilight derped on telling her last time...!)

#24 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · A Note on Antlers ·

One suggestion... Give the world a name, instead of calling it "the world of My Little Pony." Equus is a fairly common fan one, but by no means the only one I've seen - just make one up! It just makes that flow better... "world of MLP" doesn't seem in-universe enough, if you follow me. Or just change that sentence to something like "long ago, in the ancient history of the world" or "the elder days" or something... Anything, really, that is less out-of-character - I found that sentence to be a bit jarring. When I do world building for my gaming, I write everything from the perspective of some latter-day scholar of the world at some nebulous point in the future. That allows you to explain as if to an outsider, while keeping it "in-character." By just removing the reference to the show, that's what basically you've got here - a snippet of legend and myth as told in-universe. Hell, you could add an attributation to some scholar if you wanted, an exerpt from their work.

#25 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · A Note on Antlers ·

>>4241465

You're awesome. Jus throwing that out there. :ajsmug:

#26 · 27w, 1d ago · 6 · · Chapter 2 ·

Well... That was a thing.

That was a hell of a thing!

Glad to see your talent for worldbuilding is still intact. The lush descriptors and flowing prose are really a treat; they weave a beautiful picture without becoming obtuse or purple, like so many others do. The story seems tight as well. This is what a sequel should be. It builds not from the events of the previous, per se, but from the world and lore built by the original. The brief flashes of Thatchholm and the Shimmerwood really drove home the sense that this is the same world.

As a brief personal note, that you have included—and hopefully will continue to include—Spike in the story makes me squee. I love the little guy, and hate when he gets thrown to the sidelines.

All in all, you have done a damn fine job of hooking me. It's actually a bit aggravating: I am so pumped to read, just like the first one, but this time I have to wait for updates. :applecry:

Great way to start your time on fimfiction, Jetfire. :ajsmug:

#27 · 27w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

I haven't read this yet, but I see that both this and "Dangerous Business" are simultaneously in the Featured Box. :pinkiehappy: That's like the best thing ever!

#28 · 27w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Sequel! yay!

Now i just need to remember what happened in "Dangerous business ", anyone happen to have a summary lying around?:twilightblush:

#29 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

They'll have quite the tale to tell when they come back, although there is no guarantee of them coming back. And if they do they will not be the same.

#30 · 27w, 1d ago · 2 · · Chapter 1 ·

Just want to point out this new description is leagues better. Including the minor sarcasm. You make me squee, sir.

I missed you. :pinkiesmile:

#31 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

Well... things just got real.

I'd ask why Celestia was so against Twilight getting involved, but I think I know the real reason. She cares for Twilight too much.

Somehow, I think that even if they were available, the Elements of Harmony wouldn't work well against this guy, whoever he is.

#32 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

It is so very good to see a sequel, and I have little doubt I will enjoy it. I admit, the one thing I'd like to see is any mention of whatever happened with AJ's romance-that-couldn't-be. Mayhap too much to hope for, we shall see.

#33 · 27w, 1d ago · 7 · · Chapter 2 ·

>>>a black, noxious threat has risen up after millennia of imprisonment.  It washes like oil over Equestria, swallowing up towns and uncovering terrible...>>>

OH GOD DAMMIT NOT THE SMOOZE!!!  :fluttershbad::raritycry::pinkiegasp::rainbowderp::twilightoops::applecry::unsuresweetie:

:trollestia:

#34 · 27w, 1d ago · 1 · 1 · Chapter 2 ·

>>4242437 >>Ladies and gentlecolts this is what is called "levelling up...!">>

Uhm... need I remind you of Dragon Ball: GT?

Sometimes, levelling up sucks.  Be careful with the powergaming.

#35 · 27w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Hmph, a deer.  

I shall simply summon Sekhmet to deal with such a pathetic cervine pest!

Never get a pony to do a lioness god's job!  

:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

#36 · 27w, 23h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

So, the question is: What the heck do they do next?

#37 · 27w, 23h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

> The world snake broke the deer's prison.

   > So the one who woke the world snake is at fault for the prison breaking.

       > ...Rainbow Dash, what have you done?:facehoof:

I'm not sure if I like the idea that best pony is the cause of mass destruction and maybe the end of the world.

Oh well. Awesome sequel, anyway. Can't wait for the next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

#38 · 27w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

It seems that both of your stories are featured right now...

#39 · 27w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>4244160 congrats

#40 · 27w, 22h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Ah, I see you're trying your hand at writing your own adventure story. I wish you luck.

#41 · 27w, 21h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>4243889

Never saw it, since I don't believe it was ever shown in the UK. Actually, I'm not sure even all of DBZ was shown in the UK, let alone Dragonball.

More often that not, in my opinion, it doesn't.

(I suspect long-running shonen have an occasional (purported, given my lack of personal experience) tendancy to do it badly because increasingly silly attacks is the only way to go when you insist on EVERYTHING being resolved as a series of one-on-one fights...)

#42 · 27w, 21h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>4244328 Oh, you must be new here.

No, really, unless that comment of yours was sarcastic, you appear to have missed the prequel to this story. It's a 20-chapter adventure, for Celestia's sake.

#43 · 27w, 21h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>4244573 Yes, I am, but there is no need to be hostile. I apologize for my ignorance. Hehe, nice to meet you by the way.

#44 · 27w, 19h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>4243882 Not gonna lie; that was my immediate impression, as well.

THEN I saw the picture.

:rainbowhuh:..."Smooze looks a lot different than what I remember..." :unsuresweetie:

#45 · 27w, 18h ago · 6 · · Chapter 2 ·

Hmn, did Deer Morgoth just break back into the real world? That seems... bad.

#46 · 27w, 18h ago · 2 · · Chapter 2 ·

Alas poor world snake, we hardly knew ye.

#47 · 27w, 17h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

>>4244578 Oh, I wasn't intending to be hostile, I just... come across that way. To everyone.

Oh well.

It's lovely to meet you, too! And don't worry about ignorance, everyone can make little mistakes, I guess I'm just a little on edge about these two stories since I've seen so much negative feedback about it already in the same "tone" that your comment was.

#48 · 27w, 17h ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

Sweet. Celestia. YES! Dangerous Business MADE me a brony. I am beyond ecstatic to read this!

#49 · 27w, 15h ago · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

Since "Dangerous Business" WAS the most awesome fic of Season 1, I will use Rainbow Dash's famous reactions from Season 1 as well.

SO AWESOME!

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!

#50 · 27w, 13h ago · 4 · · Chapter 2 ·

Its a Dangerous Business was not the first FiM story I read, but it was close to it. It was however the story that sold me on the fandom and the show in general. So its great seeing it here on FimFiction, and maybe even greater seeing a sequel to it.

>>4243882

Glad to see I'm not the only one who's thoughts went that way.

The stripping of the name thing was seriously cool.

Did Deer Morgath (I think its Morgrath, I don't know my Lord of The Rings lore as well as I would like to) just eat the world serpent? Well crap.

0 183040 656980
Login or register to comment