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Jetfire2012

Joined April 2014
403 followers

Excited to finally have a FIMfiction account!  Will post my stuff here now.

Stories (4)

  • It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door
    When an accident leaves Twilight Sparkle seriously ill, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity must undertake a perilous journey to find her a cure. What adventures await them beyond Equestria's borders?

    146,524 words · 2,820 views · 1,033 likes · 26 dislikes
  • Besides the Will of Evil
    A shadow from the deep past returns to threaten Equestria, along with all the world. Can Twilight Sparkle and her friends be a light in the dark?
    70,662 words · 2,725 views · 433 likes · 12 dislikes
  • Nightmare State of Mind
    Welcome you poor, you flawed, you hopeless, you inadequates- welcome to the Queendom of Nocturne!
    11,542 words · 1,169 views · 189 likes · 8 dislikes
  • The Sun Never Sets
    In old Equestria, a new power sits upon the throne, and new secrets are veiled from the light of day.
    4,390 words · 730 views · 109 likes · 5 dislikes

Blog Posts (4)

Source

This story is a sequel to It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door

An ancient evil has awakened.  No, really, it has.  From the depths of time, a black, noxious threat has risen up after millennia of imprisonment.  It washes like oil over Equestria, swallowing up towns and uncovering terrible secrets long buried. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rarity are prepared to combat this great darkness.  However, to do so, they must uncover the truths about the Elements of Harmony, and the truths about the ancient forerunners of Equestrian culture.  What they find will challenge their conceptions of their own places in history and ponydom's place in the world.  The six Bearers of the Elements must draw upon their friendship and the strength of their hearts to stand firm against the darkness.  If they fail, it will mean the end of everything.

First Published
16th Apr 2014
Last Modified
30th Jul 2014

Comments ( 464 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 7 · ·

Oh shit, I hope this lives up to the legacy

RBDash47
Site Blogger
#2 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 10 · ·

Boy, when you hint at a sequel, you don't mess around.

#3 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

Seriously?

A sequel?

Welp.  Guess I've something I need to finish before this.

~Skeeter The Lurker

#4 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

To be honest, I'm not sure I want to even read a sequel; the story is so complete in my mind, and so much has happened in the lore since then that "fast and loose with continuity" is not something that would ever draw me in.

It's on the RIL, for now.

#5 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 3 · ·

Interesting, will have to read the original first before tackling this story.

Also, what's with the weird descriptions? Almost none of this is needed to know about the actual story. Hell, most of this information can better be used in the author notes. I have next to no clue what this story is about unless I look at the short description. Not too huge a complaint, but it might put off new readers from the story series. :twilightsmile:

#6 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

Dude, really, if canon bothers Dangerous canon, move on. It's already alternate universe, you don't need to be chained by it. Let your imagination free and do the best job you can.

Also, what kind of Original Fiction are you talking about?

#7 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 16 · 12 ·

What I got from your story's description:

Blah blah "I wrote a super awesome story" blah blah "this is a sequel to that awesome story I wrote" blah blah "this has some stuff from that awesome story" blah blah *insert incredibly vague description that could be describing anything from this story to a movie you saw four years ago* blah blah

I don't mean to be a downer, but fuck dude write a normal story description and put all this wanking over yourself in a blog post and just tag this story in it.

Eldorado
Moderator
#8 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 8 · ·

>>4241328 I tend to agree.

You should put some clearer descriptions of what's going on in the story and what it's about closer to the top. This mostly reads like a personal blog until that half-paragraph at the bottom, and even that's really vague and essentially just restates character/genre tags.

Remember that the short description is only visible in compact view like the stories panel on the right side of the page and in archive browsing mode. When you're actually looking at the story, it's not visible, and so the long description has to do the same job.

#9 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · · ·

I'm in. Let's roll.

#10 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

Umm, okay, question: What exactly is the story about? Just a plot summary, a teaser, something, if you please.

#11 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 5 · ·

>>4241299 I'll agree with our sponge of awesomeness here. And slightly reword and not be a meanie like >>4241328 .

Authors notes can be used in such a way, as he described, or even blog posts, as most of us would use them. We usually save a lot of these details for those who wish to read our blogs and dive deeper into how we think as writers, readers, and see our creative process. I highly recommend a lot of this information go to a blog instead, to clear it out and focus extensively on pulling in those new readers who truly need to read what you have to write and bring to the table.

I would absolutely put the Note on Antlers in an authors notes, although now I am rereading it, it might be better to weave this information throughout the story, and slowly begin to give us more information as the story goes on.

So please, don't get discouraged, and know so many of us support you and can't wait to see more of what you write.

Although, if I must comment on both this and Dangerous, did the formatting get thrown off transferring it? It seems the paragraph breaks were cut. I know it could be an hour or three long task to shuffle through the old novel to slice them correctly, but I want as many people to read these stories as possible, and losing those breaks can make it hard to read. Which is a crime, considering how well you write.

#12 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

>>4241418

And slightly reword and not be a meanie like >> Willow the Pegasus .

Never said I wasn't a bitch.

#13 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

SWEET JESUS A SEQUEL

#14 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 3 · ·

I head over to Fimfiction to check what new stories are around.  I see something shocking in the featured box.  I quick trip to the author page reveals a sequel?!.

Lab
#15 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 7 · ·

Relax bro, I just needed to take a piss. I'm headed back to bed.

—Ancient Evil

#16 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 4 · ·

I don't believe this. A sequel after all these years.

Welp, time to read despite being tired :rainbowwild:

#17 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

There's a sequel?! This is like a birthday gift to me :pinkiehappy: only a month late, oh well.I know what I'm reading! *Dives right in with enthusiasm*

#18 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

Dangerous Business was the first fanfic I'd ever read, and to this day is one of my absolute favorites that the fandom has written. Very excited to see a sequel.

#19 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

omgomgomgomg a sequel!!!!!

#20 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 3 · ·

I almost fell out of my chair. A sequel.

Please excuse me, I need to run into the other room and squeal at an octave that will panic dogs.

#21 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

Ladies and Gentlemen.

It's time for round 2.

Let's do this.

#22 · Chapter 1 · 15w, 2d ago · 2 · ·

One of the mane 6 struggling to learn a new concept, just at the cusp of an epic adventure. Where have I seen this before? :derpytongue2:

#23 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 5 · ·

HUZZAH!!

HUZZAH!!!

HUZZAH!!!!

Ahem.

So... three years later, what took AJ, Rarity and Dash days, Twilight teleports across in four jumps and finds three flowers and the bad guy kills the last stories' end-of-level boss.

Ladies and gentlecolts this is what is called "levelling up...!"

This is gonna be GOOD.

Also, we get extra-special bonus points for starting with the Princesses on the scene this time (which makes up for the fact Twilight derped on telling her last time...!)

#24 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

One suggestion... Give the world a name, instead of calling it "the world of My Little Pony." Equus is a fairly common fan one, but by no means the only one I've seen - just make one up! It just makes that flow better... "world of MLP" doesn't seem in-universe enough, if you follow me. Or just change that sentence to something like "long ago, in the ancient history of the world" or "the elder days" or something... Anything, really, that is less out-of-character - I found that sentence to be a bit jarring. When I do world building for my gaming, I write everything from the perspective of some latter-day scholar of the world at some nebulous point in the future. That allows you to explain as if to an outsider, while keeping it "in-character." By just removing the reference to the show, that's what basically you've got here - a snippet of legend and myth as told in-universe. Hell, you could add an attributation to some scholar if you wanted, an exerpt from their work.

#25 · Chapter 2 · 15w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

>>4241465

You're awesome. Jus throwing that out there. :ajsmug:

#26 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 2d ago · 5 · ·

Well... That was a thing.

That was a hell of a thing!

Glad to see your talent for worldbuilding is still intact. The lush descriptors and flowing prose are really a treat; they weave a beautiful picture without becoming obtuse or purple, like so many others do. The story seems tight as well. This is what a sequel should be. It builds not from the events of the previous, per se, but from the world and lore built by the original. The brief flashes of Thatchholm and the Shimmerwood really drove home the sense that this is the same world.

As a brief personal note, that you have included—and hopefully will continue to include—Spike in the story makes me squee. I love the little guy, and hate when he gets thrown to the sidelines.

All in all, you have done a damn fine job of hooking me. It's actually a bit aggravating: I am so pumped to read, just like the first one, but this time I have to wait for updates. :applecry:

Great way to start your time on fimfiction, Jetfire. :ajsmug:

#27 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

I haven't read this yet, but I see that both this and "Dangerous Business" are simultaneously in the Featured Box. :pinkiehappy: That's like the best thing ever!

#28 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

Sequel! yay!

Now i just need to remember what happened in "Dangerous business ", anyone happen to have a summary lying around?:twilightblush:

#29 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

They'll have quite the tale to tell when they come back, although there is no guarantee of them coming back. And if they do they will not be the same.

#30 · Chapter 1 · 15w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

Just want to point out this new description is leagues better. Including the minor sarcasm. You make me squee, sir.

I missed you. :pinkiesmile:

#31 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Well... things just got real.

I'd ask why Celestia was so against Twilight getting involved, but I think I know the real reason. She cares for Twilight too much.

Somehow, I think that even if they were available, the Elements of Harmony wouldn't work well against this guy, whoever he is.

#32 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

It is so very good to see a sequel, and I have little doubt I will enjoy it. I admit, the one thing I'd like to see is any mention of whatever happened with AJ's romance-that-couldn't-be. Mayhap too much to hope for, we shall see.

#33 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 7 · ·

>>>a black, noxious threat has risen up after millennia of imprisonment.  It washes like oil over Equestria, swallowing up towns and uncovering terrible...>>>

OH GOD DAMMIT NOT THE SMOOZE!!!  :fluttershbad::raritycry::pinkiegasp::rainbowderp::twilightoops::applecry::unsuresweetie:

:trollestia:

#34 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 1 · 1 ·

>>4242437 >>Ladies and gentlecolts this is what is called "levelling up...!">>

Uhm... need I remind you of Dragon Ball: GT?

Sometimes, levelling up sucks.  Be careful with the powergaming.

#35 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

Hmph, a deer.  

I shall simply summon Sekhmet to deal with such a pathetic cervine pest!

Never get a pony to do a lioness god's job!  

:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

#36 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

So, the question is: What the heck do they do next?

#37 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

> The world snake broke the deer's prison.

   > So the one who woke the world snake is at fault for the prison breaking.

       > ...Rainbow Dash, what have you done?:facehoof:

I'm not sure if I like the idea that best pony is the cause of mass destruction and maybe the end of the world.

Oh well. Awesome sequel, anyway. Can't wait for the next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

#38 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

It seems that both of your stories are featured right now...

#39 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>4244160 congrats

#40 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

Ah, I see you're trying your hand at writing your own adventure story. I wish you luck.

#41 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>4243889

Never saw it, since I don't believe it was ever shown in the UK. Actually, I'm not sure even all of DBZ was shown in the UK, let alone Dragonball.

More often that not, in my opinion, it doesn't.

(I suspect long-running shonen have an occasional (purported, given my lack of personal experience) tendancy to do it badly because increasingly silly attacks is the only way to go when you insist on EVERYTHING being resolved as a series of one-on-one fights...)

#42 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>4244328 Oh, you must be new here.

No, really, unless that comment of yours was sarcastic, you appear to have missed the prequel to this story. It's a 20-chapter adventure, for Celestia's sake.

#43 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>4244573 Yes, I am, but there is no need to be hostile. I apologize for my ignorance. Hehe, nice to meet you by the way.

#44 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>4243882 Not gonna lie; that was my immediate impression, as well.

THEN I saw the picture.

:rainbowhuh:..."Smooze looks a lot different than what I remember..." :unsuresweetie:

#45 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 5 · ·

Hmn, did Deer Morgoth just break back into the real world? That seems... bad.

#46 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

Alas poor world snake, we hardly knew ye.

#47 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · · ·

>>4244578 Oh, I wasn't intending to be hostile, I just... come across that way. To everyone.

Oh well.

It's lovely to meet you, too! And don't worry about ignorance, everyone can make little mistakes, I guess I'm just a little on edge about these two stories since I've seen so much negative feedback about it already in the same "tone" that your comment was.

#48 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Sweet. Celestia. YES! Dangerous Business MADE me a brony. I am beyond ecstatic to read this!

#49 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Since "Dangerous Business" WAS the most awesome fic of Season 1, I will use Rainbow Dash's famous reactions from Season 1 as well.

SO AWESOME!

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!

#50 · Chapter 3 · 15w, 1d ago · 4 · ·

Its a Dangerous Business was not the first FiM story I read, but it was close to it. It was however the story that sold me on the fandom and the show in general. So its great seeing it here on FimFiction, and maybe even greater seeing a sequel to it.

>>4243882

Glad to see I'm not the only one who's thoughts went that way.

The stripping of the name thing was seriously cool.

Did Deer Morgath (I think its Morgrath, I don't know my Lord of The Rings lore as well as I would like to) just eat the world serpent? Well crap.

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