Well written, my friend.  Have to wonder if 'Bentgrass' is his true name, though.  

Can't wait for more

Glad to see it finally up here! Looking forward to where it goes next

I've praised you enough in PM, so this comment is for potential readers of this story:

Under a Luminous Sky is a gripping, chilling, compelling examination of what happens when violence strikes in a small-town.  The setting is palpable and atmospheric, the dialogue crisp and clever, and both the show-characters and the OCs are rich in personality.  Definitely a dark romp, but if you like police/FBI procedurals, supernatural murder mysteries, or... you know... PONIES, then give this story a look.  I didn't know quite what to think going in, but I came out with a smile on my face and the sweat of suspenseful anticipation on my brow.

If this were a finished story, I would have read the whole thing in a night.

-Guesswork

>>971340971340  Dude, you're a general!  

>>971605971605 heh, Jake asked me if it was alright to use my OC in a minor role here, and I was more than happy to oblige

Ah excellent! I was hoping that you would put this on Fimfiction. It's easier to keep trace of fics this way.

>>971586971586

A recommendation by one of my absolute favorite authors on this site? I have no CHOICE but to read this, now.

Added to Read List. Love the premise. I actually really enjoy gritty fics where the "darkness" is for proper plot, not just for it's own sake.

I'm really liking this story, it's well written and Bentgrass is amusing. Reminds me of some noir comics I've read, I'll definitely be following this one

Damn this is good, deserves its feature on EqD and should be featured here as well. Liked and fav'd.

Great chapter.  You're really turning the screws on these characters.  Very noir: so many lies, coverups, furtive glances, and secrets pushed into the backs of drawers.  This story is a like a Monet painting with a shadow falling across it.

I'm looking forward to this story's updates. I just hope there's more to Bentgrass than the "mysterious deadpan investigator" archetype.

Wow. Okay, epic reply time, GO!

>>971335971335

Bentgrass has many secrets, but his name isn't one of them. At least, his last name...

>>971340971340

Thank you, kind sir! Also, just FYI, I've scrapped the chapter with Cloudhammer. Just didn't add enough to the plot. So now you don't have to worry about me butchering your character, literally or figuratively.

>>971927971927

So I have learned. I just felt more comfortable writing in GDocs. All updates will post here.

>>972280972280

A few more of those, and I'll be swimming in follows. MWUHAHAHAHA!!!!

>>972773972773

Thank you! I hope you read it. I have a few on my read later list that have fallen to the wayside. Too many good stories...

>>973655973655

Thanks! I tried really hard to make Bentgrass believable, not one-dimensional.

>>978186978186

>>993643993643

Heh, thank you. Though I'd really like to turn the screws on Applejack. I'm a sucker for freckles. Wait, um...

>>993644993644

More will be revealed about his past, but slowly. By the end of his run, I think you'll have a deeper appreciation for his methods.

Oh, you guys! Thank you so much for reading!

>>993698993698  Keep Cloudhammer in the story.  I really liked his character!  Think of a reason for him to go to Ponyville.

>>993744993744

Honestly? I'm thinking of using that chapter as kind of a bonus chapter. Not sure when I would release it, but it would basically be a side story about Shining. I'd still have to edit the fk out of it, but yeah. Because I agree, I really do like the chapter, it just slows down the story.

>>993763993763  Shining Armor is freaking out about Twilight's safety, so Cloudhammer volunteers to go to Ponyville and keep an eye on Bentgrass as a "liason" or something.

>>993763993763   I just liked how Cloudhammer seemed like a guy who not only had a firm understanding of the secret politicking that goes on behind the scenes, but had access to unorthodox means of getting things done.  That's my favorite type of character, and a great rival/ally for Bentgrass, even in a minor role.

Yay that was good.

"For a place dedicated to saving lives, Twilight thought, this floor seems really... dead"

Image: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5xhd07qxH1r67plro2_400.gif

1 dislike?!?!?

Get your pitchforks and torches, some poor sucker's in for it.

So, the killer cut out her heart and carved a symbol into her flank...

*sighs*  I guess I'm going to have to go to Tumblr and question Ipsywitch about which of her relatives is currently trying to summon a dark god.  

I hope Agent Bentgrass isn't like that detective on Law and Order Criminal Intent. That guy is annoying.

>>10012321001232

Not to worry, never watched CI. Used to watch SVU, until every single episode became the exact same one over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Nice chapter! I caught a solid "Sherlock Holmes" vibe from it.

I find it very weird that this story doesn't have more views, ratings and comments. Seems unfair, judging by the [strike]very good[/strike] great quality of this piece. I've never read Sherlock Holmes before and all the knowledge I have from him would be the two movies... and I'm not sure how they relate to the actual works. Point is: I wouldn't know about any correlations between Bentgrass and Mr. Holmes. Still, he is an interesting character. I like his witty charm and his more-logical-than-Twi's train of thought. I am very eager to see what his story is and I thank the Gods that you're above a "boo-hoo-hoo, look at me, I had a tragic past!" and other rather mediocre things kind of backstory.

The writing left me completely immersed in the story. The flow is very, very, very good and the characters so far are believable. More than that: you've built an interesting "what if" future situation for the Mane/Main 6 that I'm sure (or I hope, at least) will be clarified when time comes. Clarified not in the sense of "it's confusing, help!", but in the sense of "I hope we'll see more of what the Mane/Main 6 became in these years that have passed".

Y'know, after reading tons of E. Allan Poe and H. P. Lovecraft books in a row, I thought I had enough of these kinds of detective stories (I know they aren't detective per se... pardon me if I commit any mistake, English is not my mother language and I'm unable to... find the right words for it; police novel, maybe? I'm really not sure) for my entire lifetime. And yet, as I took a glance at the prologue "just because", I knew that this story is definitively worth reading. I couldn't simply "put it down"... I had to know what really happened.

Before I end it, I'd just like to state that I like the way the suspense is building. There's still far to come our way, but you made do without using cheap tactics like cliffhangers. Every chapter I finish reading, I am already eagerly awaiting the following. My only complaint is that I wish I could read this in one sit-through...

Excuse me if my "criticism" was too short, but I am... 'programmed' to find errors in stories. And as much as I paid attention to this, I failed to do so. Either your writing is good to the point in which I feel enamored with the story and I simply fail to catch the errors or you've worked some sort of satanic pact to keep the writing pristine. Either way, keep doing it!

I wish someone with a better sense than me could come and validate my points...

Initially I was kind of put off by Bentgrass, but I'm starting to like this story more and more.

Also, Night Guards reference! Woo!

Update!

This just keeps getting better and better! And why hasn't this been featured yet, it's better then most of the crap you find in that box.

>>10435451043545

Tell that to Sweetie Bot.

I can only agree with what has been said in the previous comments. Although I only started reading this story yesterday, I’ve read all of the existing chapters in one go, which is unusual for me. I’m not a native English speaker, wherefore I read rather slowly and tend to read multi-chapter stories over the period of several days. But this fic is just so absorbing! It flows very well and I particularly like the dialogues.

Also, it is really impressive how you manage to integrate your detective story into the world of MLP:FiM. Conventional detective stories are about a crime against one ore more unknown persons in a random place and focus mainly on the investigators and their work. Your story, on the other hand, needs to convincingly depict the emotional impact of the murder on the peaceful pony society and on the story-relevant characters from the show while maintaining the suspense which is typical for a detective story, and I can imagine that this is not easy to do. There are many scenes which could have either given not enough credit to the characters’ feelings or ruined the suspense, but so far everything works out perfectly.

So… as much as I would like to write a devastating critique and relentlessly bring up all the flaws of your story, I’m afraid I can’t see any major problem. I cringed a bit when I read the disguise scene in the latest chapter because, having read several Sherlock Holmes stories lately, I’m tired of this kind of twist and saw it coming right when the disguised Bentgrass was introduced. However, this is rather a personal complaint than a real issue. I love your story and I’m looking forward to the next chapters.

By fan broke from all the shit that just hit it.

This be gettin real. And yay longer chapter yay.

Wait, I assume ERS is federal, Shackle has zero authority. Basically doesn't Bengrass have the power to remove Shackle from duty, reopen the investigation and commandeer all resources he could want?  

>>10774611077461

Shackle can whine and complain all he wants, but Bentgrass probably can't remove him or vice versa.

On the flip side a few letters can get Shackle removed but that would take long enough that the idiot can cause a delay that will probably kill another pony.

As for the murderer: the zebra (might not actually be Zecora) did it and the sheriff was bribed.

>>10774611077461

I look at it like the FBI. Sure, they have more power than a local police precinct, but by law they can't just come in and take over. Unless they can prove the crime crossed state lines, they have no authority, save some massive bureaucratic process. This will be expanded upon later.

>>10781621078162

Hmm, interesting theory...

>>10781621078162

Wow so some pony gets murdered and you instantly think a zebra did it. I'm not saying it's a little speciest but...

>>10788361078836

Well the heart was removed by a blade, sounds like a ritual of the worst kind: pony sacrifice

Not that unicorns are big on ritual or the occoltish stuff of course.

and since i see a lack of image i will now rectify this.

Image: http://dontdrinkbeer.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/1332397100700.jpg

>>10788891078889

Well the heart was removed by a blade, sounds like a ritual of the worst kind: pony sacrifice

Maybe that is just what the killer wants you to think. Jeffery Dahmer stole organs but it wasn't for an occult ritual.

Now given the type of story this is, I wouldn't be surprised if it was occult but that doesn't automatically make it a zebra's work.

Maybe it will be like Indigo Prophecy/Fahrenheit

well it could just be for the evilolz, keeping the heart or throwing it at something else.

But i'll stick to my occolt theory

Perhaps the occolt ritual will summon Terac to cast down the princesses and release discord.

I get the feeling that it may have been a zebra, too. Agent Bentgrass did seem interested in Zecora's ritual dagger, and I don't believe for a second that Zecora doesn't know what it's used for. Considering Zecora's reluctance toward talking about her past, as well as Bentgrass's experience in Zebrica, I think the tribe that Zecora is from may have had tendencies for ritual sacrifice...and Bentgrass knows it. Maybe Zecora herself was assigned to be a sacrifice, but she managed to escape the country. On the opposite side of Equestria, near a "podunk" town, she's set herself up in the depths of a hostile forest--the Everfree makes an excellent hiding spot.

But now, maybe somepony from her old home has found her, and is trying to draw her out with an unspoken threat: "The longer you hide, the more ponies will die."

Oh crap... what background character has been felled this time?!

its a pair this time, the last one was Berry so it will probably be someponies who are named. Kinda expecting somepony like Carrot Top or Cloud Kicker though the fact its a pair does bring up the possibility of it being Lyra and BonBon.

>>10841951084195

Hmm, I wonder...

Twilight be pissed mon... and I don't think Sheriff Shackle should stand in her way and Agent Bentgrass's way... for his sake.

Looking forward to reading more! Not sure I fully like Agent Bentgrass's methods completely however I usually prefer a gentler touch. But that's just me. However, I'd have to say that he reminds me of some of the investigators from shows like PBS's Master Piece Theatre

Well, the killer likes to attack from bushes. Armed with this knowledge, I assume the killer is Garen. Only problem is nopony screamed DEMACIA during the murder scene.

Simply amazing lol! I'm loving this story more an more, Bentgrass and Twilight make a great team.

How would Rainbow Dash explain her date to Big Mac? Another great chapter

Something tells me Bentgrass is going to exploit RD's date to get information from Deputy Bale...

Also, would it be possible to get a sketch of the mark carved into the bodies? I'm not quite sure I understand the description correctly.

Trio of.. diamonds? Now I assume that that wasn't Rarity, judging from Twilight's lack of reaction, but I would change that unless it is Rarity. It scared me a bit too much to be enjoyable.

>>11196571119657

Yeah, it freaked me out for a moment, too. However, the "light-purple" color establishes her as Sparkler, and the description is accurate.

To the author: I noticed an error: “Agent Bentgrass, I think there’s something in her stomach.” They're talking about the stallion; it should be "his."

As always, great work!

I'll take a guess the stallion was Pokie Pierce (who enjoys popping balloons).

strange though, mutated parasprites. An interesting twist.

Image: http://www.dudelol.com/img/extreme-jenga..jpeg

Of course, you could say that for almost every chapter so far, but still.

Congratulations, any evidence you now obtain will be rendered null and void as you obtained it using illegal methods (unless Equestria's Justice System is really screwed up).

>>11197431119743

BLAST! Fixed, thanks!

>>11194481119448

That's incoming. Probably chapter after next ill include it in the story.

Wait, so if they have BLATANT evidence the Sheriff is corrupt, blackmailing ponies, and falsifying his reports shouldn't they have him removed/arrested?

>>11196571119657 First Berry, now Sparkler and someone I presume to be Pokey Pierce... the horror! I wonder who's next.

>>11220841122084

Good point, actually. Can't believe I missed that...

RETCON AHOY!!!

Does someone think Bentgrass is Sherlock Holmes?

>>11232861123286

I'll say he IS based on a literary character, one of my favorites as a matter of fact. But no, he isn't based on Sherlock. Though, the character he's based on IS based on Sherlock...

Yo, dawg, I heard you liked inspiration...

>>11221601122160

Yeah, I feel bad whenever I kill a background pony. But I want the deaths to affect people, and you don't get that by killing OCs. To set everyone at ease, I never accepted the head cannon that Sparkler was Derpy's daughter, merely just a close friend of the family, maybe Dinky's foalsitter. That's probably why she was in the Sisterhooves Social with her. I would NEVER kill a member of the Hooves family proper.

But if it makes you feel better, it was originally going to be Allie Way, but I couldn't find a clear enough picture of her cutie mark. And yes, it WAS Pokey Pierce. That's what he gets for revealing Apple Bloom at that party!

>>11255291125529 I never understood the relation between Sparkler and Derpy/Dinky until now. And if you're not going after any of the Hooves, then does that mean some of the other more prominent background characters (e.g. Lyra, Colgate) are safe, or can we anticipate some higher-profile deaths? I'm half-expecting, half-fearing that one of my favorite background characters is going to get the axe (or ritual dagger, as it were).

>>11280631128063

All I'll say is the blood is not done running. You'll just have to keep reading...

This story is great, I am glad I found it on EQD.   I love the OC Bentgrass he reminds a lot of the latest 007 where its pretty obvious of what he is going to do or his decision is going to make happen but it still adds a bit of comedy to him and keeps the reader enthralled because of his mysteriousness at times (Knowing Cinnamon Oatmeal is just out right awesome)  He constantly keeps that impassive face but still manages to convey all sorts of emotions.  Keep it up!  

-Wraith

loving this fic man

Enjoying the story thus far. I  have to mention that I tend to stay away from stories in which creatures die (at least as far as pony fan fiction goes) so I got pulled in quite well to stick around here, though of course it's not just stupid, blatant violence like I hear some fics are out there

Also, I wasn't sure where to put this so I figured this would end up being the best place.

Towards the end of the chapter, I found this:

  Bentgrass sighed. "Evidence that was obtained illegally. Besides, getting the orders to remove him would take several days." He frowned. "Even the secret levels of government are plagued by beurocracy."

which should be "bureaucracy."

Simply amazing.

The pacing, The characters. Everything is Spot On.

I have no idea why this story does not have Sever Hundred likes by this point!

Keep up the good work.

So far i don't get a Sherlok Holmes  (brainiac proving he is the best) feel, i get more of a Mentalist (friendly smartass). still Love the story.

With a few words and a hoof to the chest Twilight laid down the law to Bentgrass. Be Polite ... Or Else!

I don't know if Twily will go SS on someponies flank but i bet its gonna be FUN!

The Villian should have talked to .. Nightmare Moon or  ... Discord or maby ... Queen Chrysalis before setting up shop in Ponyville.

I think Twilight just broke RD.

So that's why the bodies were drained of magical leylines; the magic was transferred to this... person instead...

Looking forward to reading more! I can hardly wait to hear/read what goes down! Something is a' brewing!

The maniacal murdering pony is eating the hearts of his victims to gain demonic power so he can wreak terrible revenge? My vocabulary fails to describe how awesome this story is.

I read that whole thing and all I noticed was the MacinDash.

And then I tried again.

Poor RD. Hit by a mare.

You had me going for a minute, I thought Mac was going to be attacked until Dash came through the window.

>>12137031213703

Word.

I'm hooked on this story so far! It's perfect!

Hope Mac doesn't react badly about his girlfriend going out with another mare Twilight's probably going to try to get information from the deputy using Rainbow

>>12153691215369

So Dash is pregnant, huh? An interesting twist, if not a completely unexpected one. And Mac is trying to gather up the courage to ask her to marry him, I would expect. I would comment on the rest of it, but... y'know. MacinDash.

>>12111631211163

I'm pretty sure I actually read the whole thing, but damn if I can remember the rest of it.

>>12241101224110

I'm not sure whether I should be insulted or complimented that you can't remember the rest of my story...

>>12243101224310

I was clearly insulting you, foolish author! It was a compliment, I assure you.

>>12243571224357

I will murder you in your sleep for offending me

Thank you, kind sir!

Dun dun dunnnnn

Ooo the intrigue.

You know I love this story.  There are so many question needing answers.  I really want to know more about Twilight's decision now that a got my fix of Bentgrass' back story.  There is just so many things to follow I can barely keep up but I love it.  So far every scene you have written feels relevant I never feel like there padding.  I shall happily await your next chapter.

Simply masterful.

At this point, I think somepony summoned a Mbwun using the heart(s?) they harvested.

Zecora, of course, is suspect.

Though, having recently acted in a murder mystery, I know firsthand that a hint is often just misdirection.

The sheriff is probably still involved somehow...

Now, I always try to spell correctly and have good grammar. I almost never purposely misspell words.

So, with great reluctance, and paradoxically, great excitement, I say MOAR!

It's rare that I find a story with an OC that I really LIKE. This story is definitely one of them. The way Bentgrass initially comes off as kind of a jerk, then you see more hints of a decent guy underneath, and finally we get his backstory- which is tragic, but at the same time not so much it dominates his character completely- is great characterization in action. Spike's problem provides a great contrast to this, giving us some perspective on both the current and past issues. Bravo!

And, obviously, Twilight comes across as pure awesome in this. Throw in a genuinely horrifying villain that creates a real sense of suspense, and a corrupt official, and this is probably the single best 'crime' MLP story I've ever read. Looking forward to more!

Aw man, hanging on the edge of my seat here. I tried guessing who likely villains were... I was so sure it might have been Trixie with the earlier 'getting revenge' hints... butn ow there's a big possibility that it could be Zecora or perhaps more likely someone who's main objective is getting back at Zecora.

Now i have to keep reading to find out who is behind it aaaaaaall.

>>12582661258266

Mission accomplished. MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

*ahem*

Um, I mean thank you.

>>12582661258266

>>12582741258274

I had pegged Fluttershy for a while, but I've got my hopes up that it's an OC, it would be more compelling and more "in character," as it were. The Zecora hints have been strong, but I'm going with your second theory that it's someone being convenient, or otherwise some sort of Nightmare Moon-style scenario where it IS Zecora, but it's some other entity possessing her.

MMMmmmm. Very well done. I am looking forward to reading more as it comes out!

I like that you have Twilight using her connections back in Canterlot to dig up information about Bentgrass. It's a simple but nice added touch that might have been over looked by another author and had Twi's discovery of that particular information through a conversation between the two characters. Not that nothing is wrong with that, it's just that having Twi go digging around for information about Bentgrass seems like something she'd do/pick up from simply being around Bentgrass. And of course her brother is high up in the ranks of the Royal Guard not to mention that Twi is the personal student of one of the rulers of the country!

Maby some backup information on Mbwun too?

just to confirm what Zecora told them ...

trust but verify and all that ...

You know, for somepony who was talking about how he wasn't sold on a theory that has credence on the grounds that it's just too convenient, pinning the whole thing on Zecora actually seems even MORE just too convenient.

>>10788891078889

>>10791321079132

I stand by my earlier statements: so zebra occolt ritual that involves pony sacrifice and summons Terac.

I'm right so far

hell you ask for it

amazing story, ill keep track oni it.

nicely done

Angel NO!!! D:

ANGLE!!!

Fluttershy is goona be emotionally DESTROYED by this... I guess... she'll have to use the "Stare" on 'em...

ANGLE!

And who could it be? If not Zecora? ...Another Zebra? That's my guess... but why would Zecora hide info?

And yes... I'm going with Twilight... I don't think it was Zecora.

>>13467421346742

We can't risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite!

My guess is that at some point a pony asked to study under Zecora (she has been in Ponyville more than 10 years after all, somepony was bound to be interested in her magic/culture) and he ... fell to the dark side.

Its voodoo I aint gotta explain shit