Before Equestria's founding there was a little ship called the P.S. Newstart. It's mission was simple. Discover new lands in case the peace summits fail and the land becomes inhospitable. When the ship didn't return it was assumed that it was lost at sea. Until one day it mysteriously appeared in the harbor of the old earth pony territory badly damaged, with the crew having no recollection of what occurred . The only clue was a battered old journal which described a most unusual little island...
Chapters (4)
Curious. Color me the maroon shade of intrigue.
2783927Thank you good sir for giving me my first like and comment! I look forward to hearing whatever you have to say about my humble little tale although I do hope you enjoy it.
2783940
I do enjoy it.
Glad to hear it. Whenever you get the chance please inform me if there is anything you think should be done to improve the story or what specifically you enjoy about it.
2783951
It's well written, original and I like the prespective that is given from.
2783969 I appreciate that. I hope to make this just the beginning of a small series that has been bouncing around in my head for a while. I will do my best to ensure that your faith is not unfounded.
Well...
...That wasn't creepy at all. Good job. 
2791458 Thanks! I hope to make this just the beginning of a series I'm working on. That series will start off in modern Equestria but eventually call backs to this tale will be mentioned. And most likely lost journals will be found detailing what exactly happened when he escaped his island...
WhY aRe YoU hErE?
Excellent job!
2800100 Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Tell your family, tell your friends, tell that attractive neighbor of whatever gender you prefer. Trust me its a great conversation starter.
2800086 Do you think it would it add to the effect if I changed his dialogue to that form?
2800244 will do
2800288 Hmm... it adds a sort of "Slendermane-y" effect to write LiKe ThIs, so maybe. the color change might do something.
2800366 Then again I'm still trying to keep it in journal entry format for the most part. Pensworth hasn't lost it yet so it might be to much effort to explain why he's writing like that.
2802800 Good point. the further he spirals, the more the voice sounds like that in future fics, perhaps?
Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Also, your offer of free advertising is very much appreciated.
2825186 Perfect.
Take your well-earned like and favourite. This story truly had my mind in shambles for a bit. At first, I thought the island had something to do with Settlers of Cataan, but that was probably just a koinkidink.
Also, I'd like to feature this story on my blog, Fiction Illumination, which I write for this web page.. More people need to see this type of story. It was very well written, containing only a very small amount of grammatical errors.
3487690 Thank you very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Also, your offer of free advertising is very much appreciated. 
Well, as requested I have come to share my thoughts on this.
I've always felt that 'Harmony' wasn't the opposite to Discord's Chaos - more that is was the balance between it and Order. I have seen a few presentations of the Spirit of Order, but none as good as this one. The writing is excellent, the characters are interesting, but Order and his Island steal the show.
All in all:
3528873 Thanks! Do you happen to remember what these stories were? I just want to make sure I don't accidentally rip someone off. I do plan on continuing the story one of these days.
3529813
You don't need to worry about ripping anyone off believe me - they all featured Celestia/Luna/Faust as the embodiment of Order. It worked well enough, but none of those representations had quite the power or originality of this one. There is a genuine menace and mystery about your Order that I haven't seen captured anywhere else. Can't wait for the planned sequel!
This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews.
It's a difficult position to criticize asinine fan fiction week to week and harp on about the same bloody things over and over again like a broken record with Alzheimer's Disease. I'm running out of dick analogies. I'm sure that both of you that read my reviews week to week are getting tired of the same old shit. But, you know what? Fuck it. You're going read the same old shit. Here's a review critiquing basically the same old shit:
"A Most Unusual Little Island" is a self-designated dive into Equestria's past. In principle, this means we're to see some kind of clever retcon unfolding the deep, dark past of everyone's favorite equine absolute monarchy run by a definitely-not-God (so definitely that they substitute 'God' which her fucking name in vernacular) and shedding some new delicious light on the franchise. In practice, however, that usually means we're throwing the established characters, setting, themes and pretty much any other imagery associated with the intellectual property in a big bin composed of fire and sadness until the finished product has as much semblance to the source material as a shaved bear does to a lovely Christmas dinner.
So, instead of seeing the comfortable and well-rounded mane 6 running around getting their twats bitten off by heretofore unheard monsters, we're seeing OCs with job specific names running around getting their twats bitten off, etc.
"Oh, silly twitterdick!" I hear you typing, "Why do you always got to be so hyper-critical besides that whole adhering to the idiosyncratic harshness of the critical style you're emulating thing? Do you remember the old days when you tried to balance positivity and negativity and you had more ideas for analogies than sex and sandwiches?" To which I would reply, "Didn't you read the opening paragraph? We're doing the same old shit this week."
Well, I'm nothing if not organized, so let's break down the grips into four meaty categories:
First is character and presentation. Now, I've shouted enough on my opinion of characters to fill a small, whiney pamphlet that dreams of the stars, so I'm just going to sum up my general opinion of Pensworth by calling him an enormous in-entity with all the depth and personality of a moldy spoon teaching middle school geology. Calling him a bad character seems a little reaching; "bad character" at least implies that a good character was being attempted, referring to Pensworth as a character is just insulting to both categories.
The story is present for the most part as an epistolary. For those of you still in high school aka not learning anything, an epistolary is a story dictated through a series of letters or journal entries. And while this can definitely work as a presentation medium, it requires a charismatic in-universe writer that can display enough emotion to keep the reader interested. And, as covered earlier, Pensworth has all the charisma of a potted plant that's been tipped over, so the phrase "bored out of my fucking skull" ceases to be adequate.
The second point is a little more subjective. As joked about earlier, I doubt this story's relevancy to the MLP universe, which wouldn't really be much of a problem except that we're on an MLP fanfic website and being about the MLP universe is kind of part of the package. I mean, yeah, it's got some ponies with very job-specific names it, but that's like saying a raunchy Italian porno is a Shakespearian fan fiction because it's got people with funny names in it drilling on about nothing. Seriously, nothing intrinsically MLP shows up here, you could replace all the characters with hamsters and pass it off as a Hamtaro prequel. However, I might be the only person in the universe that gives a shit, but I figured I should point that out.
Third point is the weakest; grammar. The grammar is never a deal breaker, but persistent problems kept poking themselves into my 66% bored-out-of-my-skull read through. Most are pretty minor and could easily be fixed by a quick proofread. The most consistent, or should I say lack thereof is the constant missing commas in sentences. Seriously, at least 60% of all the commas that should be there are not - it's like I'm reading a story by anti-Dream-Whisper-Author. But, you know, I'll try not to be too harsh in this department; maybe a threatening Asian man told the author that if they pressed the comma key a screaming ghost demon would plague their family.
The last, and most potent point can pretty much be summed up with the phrase, "fucked up the only thing it had going for it," and can be most appropriately be summed up with one of my idiosyncratic sex analogies:
Sure, things were a bit awkward as the story nestled me up on the pillows and went strict missionary position for ten minutes, but, just as I was about to fall asleep, "A Most Unusual Little Island" pulled its balls from its purse in the second chapter - introducing the intriguing and vaguely horrifying eponymous island like a boring sex partner flipping you over, pushing your head into the pillow and gyrating like a fucking champ. The story had so much going for it in the second chapter; an interesting mystery that hits the right level of creepy because you're unsure if the island means harm, a solid reason for the characters to be unwillingly trapped there, a veiled and powerful monstrosity that probably can't be reasoned with and descriptions that were distinct enough for me to tell what the fuck was going on, but vague enough to let my imagination do all the work.
But, alas, just as I was really getting into it, the story muttered, "Oh, fuck it!" and flipped me over, busted in my face and passed out hard into the pillow next to me. I was left sobbing in the shower and vigorously fingering myself in a desperate attempt to return to that state of euphoria. Not only does the third chapter utterly destroy the intriguing mystery in a ludicrously cliched way - that Order/Chaos divinity bullshit that's been used in every MLP fanfic and their dog - but everything gets resolved so confusingly quickly with a different protagonist and a different presentation.
"A Most Unusual Little Island" is certainly not the worst story I've read, but it's probably the most disappointing one. Read the first chapter if you've got time to kill, definitely read the second chapter then stop, close the browser and make up your own ending. Somewhere in here is a neato idea for a story, but it's buried under far too much terrible execution and bored. Bored. Bored. Fucking. Bored.
4271915 For the record it was an old Japanese man.
In all seriousness though, thank you very much for the review. I've long since gotten an editor I simply haven't gotten around to inputing the changes to this. As I have no real defense against any of your arguments, I will keep them on my mind as I improve any of my future stories.
I'm glad you enjoyed the second chapter at least, and I apologize for the cliched revelation in the third. When I wrote it I didn't realize it was such a cliche. I still plan on exploring the character of Order in future stories, hopefully the things I have in mind will provide enough of a twist on it to make the concept interesting again.
Once again, thank you for the review and have a wonderful day!
4271915
This marks (at least) the third time I see you using the same bit of backpedaling, or whatever I should call it...
4293577
I can't hear you over all my review requests.
4293577
4296211 Now now, I don't want any trouble here fellas. If you could just take this passive aggressive combat outside that would be great.