Steel Forge is living a double life. He's the son of a well-to-do family, and heir to the family trade of weapon smithing. What his parents, more specifically his father, don't know is that Steel doesn't exactly hold true to the family virtues of being loyal to Celestia, and instead chooses to pay homage to the long-banished Luna, a practice that has been met with scorn, and even violence. Every day is a dangerous game of life and death, and every piece on the board is vying for position.
Written by Vermilion
Edited by Sage
Cover art: Sirhxc on dA
Chapters (3)
Hi mike......YOU OBAMA!!!
4194068
Now that's just plain insulting xD go suck start a shotgun.
Looking really good so far! You've got a like and fave from me, Vermilion. Definitely can't wait for more of this.
4194259
Thanks for the edits! I fixed the major stuff, but left periods where they stood for the most part. I've never heard nor seen commas being used at the end of a dialogue sentence, so I went ahead and left those be. If you would, I'd like to add you on skype so that I have someone alongside Sage to read through my works before I make a fool of myself with petty little mistakes. Also, I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Work went late tonight and we didn't leave the shop until just after 0300.
4196950
Commas at the end of dialogue only apply when the dialogue tag comes afterwards.
"That would be correct," Sparky confirmed while nodding sagely. (Just as an example.)
I'd be more than happy to help out!
Don't worry about taking a while getting back to me. I throw newspapers, and edit things. So I just got back home a couple hours ago, anyway.
I usually don't read stories until they're complete, but as a favor, I did read this one...
It's needing some serious punctuation review, and checks of spacing and tabs. I've about given up in clean transfers between Word and the HTML here. I'm writing in Word, then I finish it, copy paste it, then do a straight translate into HTML format tags on the copy to decrease errors when I submit that copy. It's a pain, but it saves on editing.
The story seems to work, initially. I finish my work before submission to hold readers interest, rather than lose them between chapters. I watch other stories to see the drops from chapter to chapter as readers become distracted, and decided to go that way.
Crystalheart
It's not bad and definitely interesting enough, but there's still quite a few lingering things that could use touching up. Add me on Skype (spangles44) if you want another editor.
FYI, I'm Sage's "boss" on FOBEQ.
4361846
I'm actually fairly certain I have you on skype already from when I first ended up on the FOB a while back.
The cover art kinda irks me. It misused the word 'thy'. Thy is Archaic English for 'Your'. So when translated, it would say "You are safe under your moonlit sky, your children of the night. That just doesn't sound right to me.
This story seems interesting. I have it on my Read Later list. It appeals to me in the way that my OC also prefers Luna over Celestia, which I've yet to write anything about...
It'd be nice to see your take on it. I look forwards to actually reading it.i.imgur.com/wU4iKNm.gif
Cheers.
-Mara
4718184
Thanks a bunch for the attention! I don't mind the cover art too much. Not many people pay as much attention to a generic piece over the story.
chapter 3 is planned out and I've got a lot of time this weekend to write it out. Hope you'll stick around for it.
-Vermy