Lurking in the Dark

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My first request story *so excite!*

Anyways, two nights of fun out on the mesa, in pony form. First one is where I get to be the top dog, the second is where I almost walk into a mountain lion.

Written by 'red Sage

Chapters (2)

Not Eavesdropping on Purpose · 3rd May 2014 · 2,111 words
2,111
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(Don't) Run · 20th May 2014 · 2,579 words
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Comments ( 6 )

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Spangle

Spangle #1 · May 3rd, 2014 · · · Not Eavesdropping on Purpose ·

Oh the puns. Sounds a lot like some of the time I spent in Collarado :P. Noticed a couple possible mistakes, but nothing too major, buddy. I look forward to part 2.

Midnight Spark

Midnight Spark #2 · May 3rd, 2014 · · · Not Eavesdropping on Purpose ·

You what really bothers me?

You know what

Denspur

Did you really just... Wow, Sage.

a reminder of just how great of powers lived in this world.

'how great of powers' seems a bit oddly phrased to me.

metal it its middle,

in its middle,

As the minutes passed, my eyes adjusted to the lower level of light and the void above with just a few specks of light gradually began to fill with a multitude of faint lights.

Might consider changing a 'light' or two to something else just so you aren't repeating.

Our sense of direction is ‘to the mountains’ and ‘from the mountains’.

Which is why I couldn't direction worth anything when I was in Iowa.. And this is a bit of a style thing, but generally the period would go inside the quotes.

not on the trail up, but level with me

not on the trail up ahead? not on the trail down below/in front of me
Just seems unfinished or cut off.

two ponies came into a view;

came into view
Unless you were trying to word it to convey they walked into a specific sight-line of sorts?

as they flashlight was pointed

the or their

Westwood grinned at me.

Whoops. I think you meant 'Westwind'

to finish the mission for the next and

For the next, what? Cut off thought? Or am I just reading it oddly?

escorted a fifth,

escorting

Good job Quickwing,
I trotted right up to Swiftwing.

Two different ponies? If so there should be a bit of clarification of that.

How'd the Marine Corps react to a person with WINGS?!
Anyway, looks good, Sage. Gotta love spring nights here in Colorado. I need to make it up to the mountains again sometime.. Been awhile since I just drove up there to walk around.