Dreams and Daggers
Twilight stumbled her way through the halls toward what amounted to a throne room for the hive. It took an awful lot of concentration and effort to direct what love she could toward the eggs she had found in the hopes of keeping them viable leading to this trip coming way past midnight. She would not let them die while she was around if she could help it after all. There would be problems in the future though if she succeeded, she knew, not least of which would be explaining to a changeling princess that she had murdered her hive. With the last bit of energy she had placed a few illusions over the entrance to the nursery before setting out to find an open central room in which to rest. Might not be safe but it would let her see whoever was coming for her.
Finding the rather large throne, which for her size was practically a couch, Twilight lay down upon its seat and began to sleep in an effort to recover. As she did so her mind began to drift within the dreamscape leading her to the now somewhat familiar ocean of stars. In a few moments she was joined by Luna and Spike. The young dragon appeared to be rather fascinated by what he saw for a moment but forgot about looking around when he spotted Twilight and ran over to her to give her a hug. Twilight returned it before looking toward Luna who had chosen to not intrude on the moment.
“Thanks for coming you two. I take it Spike adjusted rather quickly?”
“It was no trouble at all, Twilight Sparkle. Your little drake here had no troubles adjusting to traveling here which is not surprising. He seems to be rather adaptable to new experiences,” Luna stated.
“Isn’t that a trait of all dragons?” Twilight laughingly asks. The other two join her in a moment of mirth.
“Well it helps to live with an ever dabbling scientist slash wizard. One must remain on their toes.” Spike weighs in on the topic of discussion. “I’ve missed you Twi. Did you make it safely to the hive?”
“Yes, no troubles there. I’ve left a message for Owlowiscious on where to find me so I should have his company soon. Never know when he might be useful. I’m sorry I couldn’t take you with me Spike but I don’t think Celestia would have allowed me to.”
“I understand Twilight. So what is your plan now?” Spike could not help but to be curious.
“Indeed. Also, you seem to be troubled by something. Perhaps we could help?” Luna managed to put in before Twilight could answer.
“Well my plan for now is to wait here and deal with a few likely troubles that will have followed me.” She did not need to elaborate as both of the dream walkers knew she referred to the spies and likely assassins that had been sent after her by various factions in Equestria. “After that I will probably see about talking with Shining Armor though I am unlikely to need to do anything there. I suspect he will be here sometime tomorrow himself in order to ensure I am safe.”
The other two knew this to be likely given how protective Shining Armor was barring mind control by a changeling queen. Luna made a note to swing by and check on Cadence in the dreamscape afterwards to find out how she was handling the news of Twilight’s exile. She doubted it would be well received and dreaded the political fallout of having the Crystal Empire at odds with Equestria. “There is still something you are not telling us.” Luna pointed out.
“It would seem the news of my act of genocide might have been a bit premature. I managed to find an egg I believe to be for the next changeling queen. Some of the thoughts lingering in my head from Chrysalis seem to indicate it to be such anyway. There also were a few eggs that look like they were for future military changelings perhaps even an elite guard for the princess if you will,” Twilight shared with a slightly lopsided expression that not even she could decide if it meant she was happy or terrified.
“This is good news, isn’t it? I mean that tells us that you did not kill off the changelings. Perhaps if we tell Celestia she will let you come home?” The drakeling began to get excited hoping this meant his mother figure could return home.
“Sorry Spike, but no. All this accomplishes is possibly adding on a few other complications to Twilight’s case. She would be charged with creating war orphans most likely thanks to the nobles. That isn’t even a situation that would come before me or my sister to weigh in on. It is better this discovery remains quite,” Luna noted that Twilight was nodding with her.
“I also fear that news of a few survivors would prompt a few factions to move to remove them before it could be verified. Next thing we know the eggs are destroyed and there is no proof left behind to indicate that I wasn’t lying or they are taken in by one of those factions and raised to be weapons. It is better that I keep them safe and under observation for now. The problem though lies in feeding them and keeping them viable. I already did what I could from what those memories tell me but it left me feeling very drained.” The purple alicorn began to pace as she rattled off her own findings and theories.
“So what do we do?” Spike began to get a bit worried at this news.
“You and I, Spike, contact Cadence and see about what can be arranged with her to divert some energy from the Crystal Heart toward the eggs. She may have a grudge with the changelings but she will not allow them to die out,” the night mistress stated as a definitive solution. “I am sure she will help you in this Twilight. Is there anything you need us to do on this end aside from that?”
“Yes. See if you can’t find out why my friends didn’t try and do more to prevent my exile. I’m very curious as to why they were mostly silent during everything. It isn’t the first time they have failed to be in my corner but it’s the most devastating one all things considered. Aside from that….” Twilight turned away from her guests in the dream realm. “It would seem I have guests at the hive. If you will excuse me,” Twilight faded from the dream plane leaving Spike and Luna behind for a moment.
Spike turned to Luna with a somewhat sad look upon his face. “I really don’t like it when she has to get serious in a fight. It always upsets her. The last time she had to get serious was when a few of the other students at Celestia’s school tried to off her in a ‘training accident’. The results weren’t pretty.”
“Come along Spike. We have much to do and we both know your mother will be fine. If she could stand up to me, Discord, and the rest I’m sure a few mercenaries and assassins are little more than pests. Hopefully we can help her calm down when she returns to the dream lands if it comes to that.” Luna began to walk across the empty dreamscape and began to fade. Spike ran to catch up.
Twilight awoke where she lay upon the former changeling Queen’s throne awaiting her visitors. ‘Perhaps I should play the part while I’m at it. Ask the supplicants what they require?” She began to chuckle aloud to herself before using some of her recovered magic to summon to herself the sceptre Discord had made for her.
After only a few seconds of waiting she swung the sceptre quickly intercepting three separate daggers each with a different coated edge while quirking an eyebrow at the shadows of the room. “Really? Not even going to say hi? At least come before the princess and have the decency to make a request of her first.”
A pegasi for each dagger steps from the shadows eyeing her warily prepared to strike at a moments notice. Fully being suited up in black each and every one led her to believe they may have read too many of those Neighpon ninja comics but on the other hand that meant some of what they had might be obvious. She can already tell each of them have some sort of breathe filter as part of their mission outfit so toxic gas was a given as one of their tools. It would seem this lot felt that blade and strength would not work but perhaps poison was the key. ‘What fools.’ The lack of unicorns with them explained not only their failure to detect her wards but also why they were not deactivated. This meant that they knew using magic to take her down was an even more foolish solution and as such they must have access to her personal records. This meant they were dispatched by some rather connected nobles… or ones that she had trumped in a duel directly.
The middle pegasi spoke up first. “We have but one request oh princess of this mass grave and that is that you die peacefully.”
Twilight paused and thought to herself for a moment or two before responding. “No, I don’t think I will. However, just for you three, I will add a few more bones to this mass grave. Namely yours. I hope you’ve trained well. Before the day rises I will show you why it has been long known that a fight with me directly is foolish.”
In an instant the two pegasi at the sides charged toward her throne on wing as the middle one threw down the likely container of whatever toxin they planned to use. Twilight’s expression of bored amusement changed to one of gloating humor even as they charged. In the next moment the one coming from the right found himself lacking his breathe mask and stuck in a small shield that was also playing host to the toxic gas the lead pegasi had tossed. As he began suffocating he saw Twilight actually catch the other charging pegasi with a hoof and crush his skull against the throne’s arm in a rather definitive and final cracking sound and then knew no more. The lead pegasi was still staring shocked at how quickly his two agents were dealt with and the fact that the princess had not even moved from her seat.
“You seem surprised. I have no idea why. Alicorns are a mix of all the pony races. That means I have the strength of an earth pony and the speed of a pegasus. As such that little trick was easy with your minion’s skull. I’ll admit it was almost hard to dodge his hidden hoof daggers but a small personal shield made that rather easy. As for the other, well we all know my magic capabilities so any sort of aerosolized agent was moot to begin with. Now, how about you tell me everything, yes?” Twilight had not lost that almost manically happy expression after killing two rather capable assassins in the span of less than thirty seconds.
The lead pegasi began to toss every blade he had on himself at her hoping to buy time to escape with her blocking them. As the blades took to the air he felt a chill go down his back. The voice of the princess began to talk within his mind. ‘Oh, dear me, did you really think that would work? I’m so sorry but you will be disappointed. On the bright side, you and your comrades will be helping me soon enough. You have training that I was legally not allowed to receive thanks to Celestia’s fears about me. I’ll be taking a copy of those memories now.’ In the next moment he found himself sitting upon the throne and Twilight standing where he had been. Then he found himself riddled with poisoned blades and pinned to the throne. Twilight simply began to chuckle to herself for a moment before hurling her sceptre with the full force of her magic behind it toward the already dead assassin. It drove itself through his chest, the throne, and halfway through the wall behind before it stopped moving as her laughter reached a crescendo and she began to look around for more targets to eliminate.
After a few seconds of no more takers she calmed down enough to really see what she had done. “What? I was enjoying that? Why was I enjoying that?” Twilight began to panic a bit for a few moments before a part of her mind rationalized the actions as a kill or be killed situation glossing over the rather messy ways she had ended each of her attackers. Besides, she did not have time to worry about it. Her wards informed her there would be more guests.
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exiled twilight always has violence as a key part of the story(or it has been for the ones i have read), so if we're reading this, we should have already known that. and i'm liking this twilight! ruthless, efficient, calculating, and slightly mad! the perfect recipe for an interesting story!
Hooray for insanity.
Insanity is ALWAYS fun! Just look at the Joker!
4496776 Well I think that she has always had an insaine streek to her look at what happened during "Lession Zero"
4496835 i know, and she's so much funner when she let's it out!
You know with Twilight's charcter, I expected she always had a more ruthless side, or a sever case of form similar to PSD, by the fact that when she is not in battle she suffer panic attacks. In the serries, she is always panicing when it comes to tests and keeping freindship, like she is desperatly trying to understand it and act acrodding. But when she is in life or death, or take charge like a military leader with troops, she seems calm, controlled.
The biggest examples is the battle with Teriek. Before the battle, she couldn't control her power due to her pancing mod. But once she started to fight, she began to control and untilized her power, like she could focused into battle.
This is an interesting story that I will definitely continue to read, but it seems rather weak in a few ways.
The writing could really use some editing. I noticed a lot of problems with grammar, especially missing commas. And the dialogue could really use some work. A lot of it doesn't really sound like something anyone would actually say.
Many of the characters seem to be acting off. As this is an alternate universe, I can accept them having somewhat different personalities than they do in the show, but you're going to have to explain why. For example, I can accept that Twilight did not immediately freak out when she was captured by Chrysalis because you established that in this universe, this is something that she's prepared for and.or experienced for years. But you haven't really explained why Twilight isn't more distraught that she killed all those changelings and the assassins. The assassins I can kind of understand because she's apparently got Chrysalis in her brain or something, but even then, I'd expect Twilight to still be shocked and emotional after she snapped out of it and realized that Chrysalis's mind was taking over. Then only reason I can think of that she wouldn't would be that she has killed a pony before. And if that is the case, you'll probably want to bring it up at some point. And with the changelings, Chrysalis's mind should actually be making her even more distraught about the whole thing, so the only explanations I can think of for her attitude are that she was either keeping up a really good poker face for the court, or she very firmly believes that the changelings are evil and their deaths were no great loss. But the former idea is shot down because her emotions don't seem any different in her head or when she's alone, and the latter is shot down because she's now trying to save the eggs, and because Twilight probably wouldn't think that when Celestia clearly doesn't.
And then there are Twilight's friends and Celestia. You've hinted that they had a reason for the way they acted, and all I can say is that it had better be a really good one.
And there's this little plot hole in the first chapter that bugs me:
Hmmm...If only we had some way to tell if what Twilight says is true.
Oh. Well then.
And finally, there's one thing I was wondering from the most recent chapter. If Twilight stole the assassin's memories, does that mean she knows who sent them? Sure, there's not much she could do herself at the moment, but she could at least tell Luna who sent them, and I'm sure she could find a way to punish them for it.
4497498
Skipping a bit ahead of the story there. Things will be explained relating to most of those issues. I thought I had implied, rather heavily, that Twilight has killed other ponies before but I suppose I'll have to actually throw in a flashback of one of those times.
An amusing thing is that even with magic telling you if the person is telling the truth it is still limited to the truth as the person speaking knows it. If she did things she can't remember and then denied having done them it would still ring true. Similarly, detecting a lie does not detect omission.
4497498
Ah yes, the dialogue is a bit weak. It's part of the delay. I kept trying to tweak it and never got satisfied with the results. I spent about a week looking it over and couldn't find any more satisfactory a way to do it. As it was I culled a lot of what would have been little more than an exposition dump during the dream sequence to show in later chapters rather than tell here.
4497524
Maybe you did and I just missed it. It was clear that Twilight has been in some fights before, but I don't think you ever really said that she deliberately killed anypony. Like when Spike mentioned the students trying to off her in a "training accident," it's not clear if she killed her attackers or just beat them up and knocked them out or something. And even if she did kill them, it wouldn't count if it was an accident. She has to have deliberately killed ponies before, probably several times, to have as little reaction as she does.
Oh, and anything Twilight said or did when the assassins were attacking her wouldn't necessarily imply that she's killed anypony before either, because we have no way of knowing if those are really Chrysalis's memories or not.
But you don't have to throw in a flashback to Twilight killing anypony unless it's relevant to the story in some other way. Doing so would be an unnecessary distraction. You can just put something in the narration like "Twilight had never liked it when she had been forced to kill another pony." (Not the best line, I know, but it's what I came up with on the spot.) You could even use something like that to also show how Chrysalis's memories are affecting her.
This is true, but in the first passage I quoted, Celestia is just questioning Twilight's motives, so not remembering what she did wouldn't really be an issue. And a bit of questioning could take care of any omissions.
i hope the next chapter wont take so long^^
a small question: will twilight stay alicorn or will she transform over time while she is ruling/rebuilding the changelings
4498144 I wonder that too mate I hope she changes
nice fight seance. you made her a tinny bit op but now it is understandable with the training that the assassins have. keep it up and hope to see more soon
4496776 agreed
4500107
Ah, so long then. Have a good day.
4500127
OK, having actually read forward a little bit. I think I might actually give this story a chance. Consider it a bit of a rush judgement on my part. Sides, I can pass any problems I have off as part of the AU. That tag can do wonders for my suspension of disbelief.
Get to work!
The characters seem a bit stiff, particuarly in the dialogue.
5516590
Stiff like bad actors, stiff like they can't believe what they are saying, or stiff like someone not speaking in their native language?
5516700 Stiff like it doesn't feel natural. It feels forced. I have a hard time seeing the characters we're used to behaving or speaking like they do here.
Twilight facing the pegasi assassins is a good example.
This sounds like something out of a manga, not something Twilight Sparkle would say. Even if, as you seem to be hinting, she's been affected by Chrysalis' memories/mind control. I say that you seem to be hinting at it, because there isn't enough of the Twilight we know to compare it to.
Just how far does the AU tag go, here? Twilight's willing to kill and has apparently dealt with would-be killers before. Her friends know something more happened at the hive but never spoke up about it, even neglecting to tell Celestia from the look of things. Celestia jumped straight to banishment, when surely there were other options, like memory spells to verify Twilight's story or a magical check-up to see if Twilight had been mentally affected by Chrysalis, as she claimed.
5516762
Ah, this one again. That was a relief, I was afraid it was one of the others. AU carries all the way back to how Twilight was raised by her family. Indeed, she has killed assassins before, several times in fact, in this setting. Twilight confessed to everything that did happen that she knows of and it is what was verified in most every way save ripping the events out of her mind. Celestia banished her for more reasons than might be obvious at the moment. Of course that means Celestia in my setting isn't particularly free of ulterior motives in this story.
As I've said before it looks like a flashback chapter is called for in this story as I believe you are the second to ask me about this. Suffice it to say for now that in the past Twilight has killed in magic duels before simply by doing nothing but letting the other unicorn injure themselves trying to hurt her.
5516807
We don't know that, though. All we know is that there's very little that's recognisable about the characters, not why they're that way.
Back to the dialogue for a moment, most of it is very... stated. It doesn't give us an insight into the characters; it's just there. There's little emotional overtone. Twilight just admits to what she did, and accepts her punishment. When she breaks her restraints, it's more "This is unneccesary" than "This is insulting". Spike doesn't seem particuarly broken up by what happened, and her friends show the same level of concern for Twilight that they would for their lunch.
This doesn't feel anything like Fluttershy, for example. One of her best friends had their brain scrambled, did something horrible, thinks she did something almost as bad, and was banished, and all she says is "We'll never see her again. I hope she stays safe."? Where's the worry? The fretting? The behaviour that's in character with the character?
At least Pinkie Pie almost sounded like herself, even if she was lacking the typical energy or, again, her typical personality.
A flashback chapter might be a good idea, or going back over everything to work in more world/character building. Just to help explain things a bit better.
5516875
Ah, and I said I'm terrible with most of the rest of the cast in that chapter's author's notes if I recall correctly. I only have a handle on Pinkie and some alternate takes on Rarity. It is why I concentrate on Twilight and the princesses in the rest of my stories. This is an experiment to try and get a handle on using them but it doesn't look like it worked too well in those scenes. Ah well, I'll probably have to rewrite it when I get a better feel for them.
As for Spike, well he probably would be more tore up if he didn't know he has all of eternity to meet back up with Twilight again.
5516909
But seeing some emotion from him would be nice. He's a dragon, sure, but a baby dragon, whose caretaker/mother/sister was kidnapped, probably brainwashed, traumatised, and then banished. But it doesn't seem to have made much of an impact on him at all.
There's a good story in here, and I'm interested to find out just what really happened and how this AU differs from canon, but the characters themselves aren't interesting to read.
5516909 Can I haz more?
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Sadly I think its dead Jim. treasure.diylol.com/uploads/post/image/431092/resized_coolest-story-meme-generator-cool-story-bro-please-tell-me-more-i-m-fascinated-ab1159.jpg
Here's hoping.
Nah, not dead. I'm just a bit busy at the moment. I hope to have something up in February.
5527602 But Feb's almost over!!!!!! I need moooooore!!!
I dunno. I kind of want an Exiled!Twilight Sparkle story that doesn't have her using violence.
Or that has her using very very little violence.
Good story though.
5856114
While I can understand your preference I can honestly say that you aren't likely to find that with my work. I actually tend to make the whole setting more violent overall than it is in canon pretty much every time.
Looks like Chrysalis got her chocolate in Twi's peanut butter. This ought to turn out
deliciousinteresting...Very good work, hope you update this soon.
6005289
please update soon
anymore?
amazingly done can't wait for more
hopefully you continue this at somepoint as it looks to be shaping upto be a really good story
when can we expect the next chapter?
I like this I hope it isn't dead.
are you ever planing to finish this story?
any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?
I think this story is Dead. Can someone take it up and finish it?
more chapters
Ooohh, a more dangerous Equestria AU. That's a crucial detail that was really should've been insinuated on the first chapter, but in hindsight I should've noticed it by how Twilight handled Chrissy.
I'll admit, mighty interesting premise. Such a shame the story died sooooo early.