Life is hard when your own mana well is too large for your body which is something Twilight Sparkle should know. Rarity also knows life is hard when a night of drinking and desperation lead to you spreading rumors about yourself being able to work miracles through your creations. Spike just hopes his gambit to save his boss will work. Can Rarity pull through and help High Lady Twilight and cement her reputation? Will Twilight find the artificer a fraud or a friend?
Created for Monochromatic's Interwoven Colours contest.
Chapters (6)
Suprised no one has commented on this story. I liked it. Especially the end which was hinted at much earlier. So nice payoff there. Also nice to see it wasn't overly permanent except for the wearers lifespan.
8225274
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
8225397
I hope you plan on a sequel. Blueblood needs to get a serious case of justice.
8225526
I'm tempted to make it a universe for me to play in with other stories so the chance of a sequel is there. However, that will have to wait. I've already got a backlog of ideas I haven't written yet to work through. A toss up between Twilight Velvet was Chrysalis all along and the consequences there of or Twilight becoming an alicorn had unexpected consequences due to her being a bit more of one of the guys in her youth.
8225650
Oh I say explore it. There is a lot to be done with it! Revenge on Blueblood, Assassins, the other girls and where are they? Shining Armor could become a plot point as he could easily play Sherlock Holmes and try to figure out who 'offed' Rarity. Maud could easily become a significant character as she goes looking herself the killer of a rare friend she would have and I could easily see Twilight trying to resurrect Rarity into a new body. And Celestia and Luna themselves would have entirely different outlooks as it seems as Twilight is now coming out of isolation and there plans for her can finally begin.
I really enjoyed the world you created here. The ideas and story you put forward here are smart and entertaining! My only criticisms would be that the story could use some fleshing out. I understand that you had to keep it under a certain word count for the contest, but maybe once the contest is over, it might be worth it to add more scenes and details, rather that leave it up to the readers imagination to fill in the blanks. Also, there were a few scenes where it would jump from one character to another as far as who was speaking, and was a touch difficult to follow who said what at times.
Otherwise I think you have a great alternate universe set up here with interesting roles for the characters, and I hope to see more of this world if you decide to continue it!
It's a bit hard to buy that after all these years of research and all the researchers, including Celestia and Luna, there would be something so simple they'd missed.
This was chock full of interesting ideas, but I'd say two major things: first, the quality of the writing isn't advanced enough to convey them properly, and second, some of the logic and the ending left me grasping at straws for explanations. I would be very interested in reading more of this and possibly even in helping you edit; there are a lot of different wording and set up options to make the story more immersive. It's a brilliant idea, really, it just needs polish...and to not end on a major cliffhanger, imo.
I really enjoyed this story and I hope that you will continue with more stories set in this universe. There are some very good Alternate Universes here on FIMfiction. And I think that yours will add much to the richness of this site.
Thank you for your excellent work.
I was wondering... since the contest is over do you think you could redo the story and expland it with more detail? Cause it would be EPIC if you did!!! Also you are a monster for not giving a proper ending.-_- Evil I tell you EVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!!! Great story tho!! XP
8588999
Probably not because I already have three new stories in planning and should have already typed one up last week but have been too lazy. However I might eventually get onto a sequel to this. I have ideas concerning the other characters in this setting and future events for those that were in this one.
I'll say this: I'm impressed you didn't go with the standard route of Spike instantly crushing on Rarity.
Wait, that's the end? O.o That's not an end... is the implication that Rarity somehow ascended? Because otherwise, it feels like something more is missing.
8721407
Not quite ascended but is now the spirit in Twilight's little rig here. She can manifest as a bit of a ghostly projection near Twilight. I would have went longer but there was a word limit to the contest and I was afraid I was going to go over it so I cut it off there.
8721420
I'd have rather you rushed to some kind of ending than just stop. :/ I wonder if you'd be willing to come back to this sometime and pick up where it left off. That's an awfully interesting place to take things, after all.
8721603
I do plan to return to this. I've been plotting what has happened in the lives of the other elements and such with the plan of a sequel so they can get pulled into things too. Just haven't managed to muster up the motivation for it yet.
8721713
Let me know if you do. :)
"pouring over" should be "poring over", unless Twilight is applying liquid.
"mother load" should be "mother lode"
"too imposing" should be "too much of an imposition" - those phrases have quite different meanings.
9584771
Thanks for the tips. I must ask, how are those two phrases different though? They seem to say the same thing to me.
9584802
"imposing" would be read in this context as an adjective meaning "grand and impressive in appearance", not a verb meaning "to impose".
"an imposition" means "a thing that is imposed, in particular an unfair or unwelcome demand or burden"