The main character, Jess, was a human. One day she woke up and found herself in the magical land of Equestria! Which she had no knowledge about whatsoever. Also turns out that she's now a griffon, gryphon or griffin, someone correct me on that, and after an argument with herself is given a letter which doesn't explain much at all.
She later finds out she wasn't the only person brought to Equestria.
Basically I get bored with stories too easily and thought 'I'm gonna make one that I won't get bored with', no idea if it'll last long but I'll try. What this basically means though is that you can expect this story to be very random and odd but not hard to keep up with. Mostly.
Chapters (7)
This is pretty bad. I could go into depth, but I can't say more than EVERYTHING. But I'll try.
Whenever a character says anything, press 'enter' first, so it should look like this:
Looks better, right? Now put in a few breaks in that really long sentence in the bottom to show who is saying it, so that it look more like this:
Getting better, but not quite there. Don't always refer to your character as she, and descriptive prose is also bad. Use her name, and use it often (though not when it sounds awkward). Then it should look like this:
And already it looks better. Of course, I can't help with a bad story. No one can. All I can do is make your story look and sound better. I hope this helps. (and yes, your story is bad.)
4146731
Yes I know it's bad and I frankly don't care, it's mine so Imma keep it going.
Firstly ew, I know that sort of format is sometimes used in stories, but it's really only often employed when it would actually look good. The paragraph you decided to use it with does not fit it at all and now it just seems very disjointed and icky. And yes, I can describe words as a texture because why not?
Second thingie: Woo, you put a comma in congratulations. I admit it looks a bit nicer but really? You needed a whole paragraph to explain why a comma needed to be there?
Thirdie: You say (Though not when it sounds awkward) and then do exactly that?
And finally, I appreciate your opinion and shall stash it away in my box of opinions to later be archived.
All jokes aside, thanks for taking time out to help with a 'bad' story.
Wait, just checking but did you notice the spelling mistake? If you didn't then that's just silly.
4146743 Hey, I see this story hasn't any likes right now, and I can see why. I'm not exactly commenting on the story itself, but about your attitude towards the critic you receive. Getting negative feedback on your stories results in your backlash and stubbornness to easily disregard other people's opinions. Accept the critic, and consider them. If 4146731 gave you some helpful advice, take it as it would make your story better and would practice you to the next steps in writing. Why do you write fanfiction? To please an audience, am I mistaken? You wouldn't have posted this on a public website otherwise. But, what's the point if you don't accept what your audience says?
I don't say this to you in any negative or crude ways. I hope you realize that, as a fellow brony and friend, I don't hate on you or your story
4146775
. I understand perfectly if someone criticises the story in a negative way, I wrote the damn thing in ten minutes and didn't even edit it, and I guess it does suck a bit but still I'm going to keep it going for my own benefit really. Even then though it's no excuse for rude behaviour so yeah, sorry to TheAussieBlue if I came off as mean or rude, in fact I actually liked your comment earlier. So yeah, whoops.
Wait did I come off as negative? Well damn sorry about that then. I always seem to come off as negative even when I try to be nice
Also, just noticed it has 10 reads now and I'm still bored as hell. Therefore, new chapter.
4146784 Perhaps change your tone? And possibly your wording, as both could influence the overall attitude of your comments
4146787
I'll try
4146790 And also, if it's really to your own benefit, why take the troubles of posting it on social media?
4146804
Who knows if someone out there may like it? I didn't write it for my own benefit I said I'd keep it going for my own benefit, mainly giving me something to do and look forward to.
Other than that no idea.