kalash93
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Magnificent.
Why... why would you do this?
Ya know, I just saw that cover art the other day. I thought, "now, that would make a good story." And then you appeared.
You should make a prologue to this story, telling her friends how horrifying it was, or she couldn't take it anymore & does suicide (just thinking out loud)
Yikes!!!
That was........interesting
Horrific and sad
4040392
Yeah, I would have liked to have seen the aftermath to this carnage.
4040416 that's what I mostly think about doing after a story with one chapter in it
4040372
Because someone said "you should write a fan fiction based on this picture: *cover picture*"
So he did.
4040483
"You spent so much time thinking about whether or not you could, you never stopped to think about whether you should!"
4040492
"Just because everybody CAN cook doesn't mean they SHOULD."
-- Ratatouille
Uh... happy Boston Massacre Day? That's legitimately the first thing to come to my head.
4040492 Someone has to say that to twilight Sparkle one of these days...
4040735
konaskorner.com/konasnewshoes/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Ian-Malcolm.jpg
Ok I can already tell from the cover that this is gonna be pretty messed up. But yay it's humanised!
I love me some humanised ponies.
Alright, onto the story.
still not one of the most fucked up things i read.
Fall of equestria.
This made a lot of sense for you to be writing this. I was thinking about that cover art the entire time.
Hmm, haven't read a grim-dark fic in awhile. Might give this a read sometime tomorrow
You know. If I was there and I found out that they did that. I would take them, tie them up and make them watch as I introduced their friends to the blade, slowly, painfully, m ass king sure they saw every agonizing moment of their friends deaths, and I would not have any reservations about it, even as I hung their bodies in the forest, and made sure, after I buried all the pinkies, that they would go down in history as murderers snd abominations.
I would like to ask your permission to write a fic about this, to settle my hate.
A CZ-75 eh? I don't think that would be my first choice, but it'll do. I personally would have gone around with a 1911, but I guess it's just personal preference.
This is not how I remember that episode!
It would've made for a great downer ending if the real Pinkie had been killed.
is it wrong i started thinking of another one bites the dust while reading?
Wow. "Wow" has many interpretations. I mean all of them.
...Is it weird that I now wanna listen to the intros and endings to Mirai Nikki after reading this?
hah ha yeah, pure grade a, black abyss, abandon hope,shit your pants terror.
NEEDS A SECOND PART
4041392
Sure, go ahead.
Wow... I'm not sure about this one. It's very well written and you respect the nature of the story. I don't think I would have liked it at all if this was played for laughs. Some of the Pinkies in the later story that talked felt too cheery. Otherwise it was good, disturbing but good.
God... This story gave me chills. I doubt I'll be forgetting this anytime soon. There were just too many heart aching moments, like when one Pinkie was comforting another. Poor, poor Pinkie Pie. I can imagine her simply losing it every time she looks at a mirror.
If I had to nitpick, I'd say the ending felt underwhelming compared to the rest. The last paragraph was still good, if not a bit brief. I just wish I knew what happened, say, immediately after the massacre.
Still, this is definitely a fav.
Indeed this story took a dark turn.
Even so, you protrayed Pinkie Pie feelings and fear pretty well.
It was a decent written story.
Still, it feel like the ending needed a bit more explaining like how did the aftermaths results go but I'm not complaining ^^
Well the clones were killed off in the actual episode except here it is the Equestria Girls version of that episode with guns
EXCELLENT. /mr burns
You took the existential terror inherent in the climax of that episode, and multiplied it by 1000000x.
Great job describing the horror she's experiencing. Awesome!
...
*Starts crying*
I may or may not want to make love to this story.
Your disgusting
I know you are but what am I?
I honestly felt the tension of that situation. But, Rainbow is a good sniper
Holy crap.
*Walks up*
What?
*Shows Pinkie story*
Wow. Why didn't they invite me!?
...
You, my dear Pinkie, are fucked up in the mind.
Of course I am, Psycho, of course I am.
I'm going to have nightmares now
This review is brought to you by Zero Punctuation Reviews
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/173402/the-pinkie-pie-massacre
Who I am can differ from person to pony and when you find me. For all you guys and girls know I’m a pegasus with a sandy brown coat with a dark red and saddle brown mane. I find it amusing how people can be caring like Fluttershy in person but when it comes to something like a video game they turn into the love child of Hitler and Jason Voorhees with Trevor Phillips from GTA 5 helping with raising the child.
How and why some people act interest me to some degree, for example and this is somewhat relevant to the story, how does one cope with knowing you have killed lots of people. In a video game you could shoot a random group of people, all shots straight to the head and not even think twice about it. You can finish playing and think of new ways to kill more of them later in the same day. So with that in mind, how would I cope with actually killing a person, whether it be my shooting them or suffocating them with my wings.
‘The Pinkie Pie Massacre’ is thrown at us by our AK style rifle lover, ‘author’ Kalash93. The story is a grimdark, humanized, retelling of ‘Too many Pinkie Pies’. Yay what a interesting story for true enlightenment.
For me alarm bells start ringing since the only other retelling of an episode I have read was quite bad even though I don’t remember anything else about it, fucking elephant brain over here. While on the other hoof, retelling of stories can be very good when it is used right.
Let me just get with the plot over with so I can start cutting into the stomach open of the story surgeon simulator style. The story starts with Pinkie being put in the town hall with all the other Pinkies and the normal paint drying test starts but when the spell to send clones back to the magic pool doesn’t work, now kiddies this is where the interesting part happens, Twilight pulls out a CZ-75 handgun, Rainbow gets an H&K 33 rifle and AJ gets a AK-47, so if you argue that clips and magazines are different on the internet or American, you should know what each of these firearms are. If you are neither one of those two things, twilight has small gun, Rainbow has big gun, AJ has terrorist gun. While the story is put together okay for the most part, it did get a bit repetitive in the middle bit where you are just waiting for a clone to fuck up. When a book’s story becomes repetitive is like entering a cooking contest but then remembering you can only cook toast, maybe with butter on it if you are feeling fancy.
I mentioned a bit earlier that when used right that retelling of already existing stories can be a good story, let me elaborate on what I mean. We know how the real story goes, so we are interested with what happens in this version of ‘Too many Pinkie Pies’ and if we are interested we can be suprised by the changes that have been made to the original story. It has characters we know already, so we can relate or connect things together, like with AJ and the AK 47 because it is a heavy kicking, reliable weapon and I know that that connection is only known to people/ponies who know guns even a slight bit.
Now with grammar, you can find lots of grammar nazis on this site and I’m not one of them, I still will rip a story's balls off if the grammar is a shit house but thankfully the grammar is good for me at the least, what is like winning a spelling bee for retards. You can never truly please the G nazis because if there is no problems they are neutral but if there are mistakes, the amount of people raging at you is almost the amount of people fighting each other to get the last copy of ‘Call of Duty: Lets kill foreigners’.
Pacing a story can do a lot of things, it can make the perfect idea like having an oreo, a bloody awful idea like that oreo giving you diabetes and cancer. The pacing in this is okay, Like I said before, did find myself at a point just thinking “just kill another 3 or 4 now”. Making tension and suspense can make things more epic than just coming out with it instantly but this only works when that eagerness to find out what happens is still there. I do have to say when storytelling, pacing and characters work together it can make some very good moments, like there was this one thing nearing the end when there is a small interaction with two dying Pinkie clone that actually made me feel a bit sad. “I’ll be Gobsmacked, when has fanfiction had a version of a canon story and have a better part than canon”, I thought to myself.
This has been a long time since putting this story in my reviewing line and actually finishing this review. If this story was a lover, she was a nice girl, sad throughout the date but once in bed she gave a quite magnificent night.
I love any story that harms that pink, whack-ass baker. Good job.
And fuck pinkie pie!!!
4042598 Not at all and here you go!
It's a shame you can't see the smile I have on right now.
4884249
You could always post a photograph.
4884981 Alas that moment is gone.
Have to say, I was expecting pinkie to commit suicide at the end. Something like "I never want to say any of you again. In fact, Im going to make sure of it" <grabs twi's gun>
the death
the death
THE DEATH
ohhh im drowning in blood shed
AND I LOVE IT
oh i hadn't felt this good in a long time. i needed a break from all the cutesy and shipping bull-crap and delve back into my homicidle mind.
and it feels so good
Dave “AntiScience ProGenocide” Polsky would love this story.
4041841
Sure if you wanted the story to go like:
CZ: *BANG*
1911: *Click* "ah fuck" *tink* *tink* *tink* *bang*
Every. Single. Time.
I'm just playing. .45 for the win.
Sweet Jesus fucking Christ...
Okay, serious part of me first: the setup and the ending are both sloppy. The former could have used a better buildup than just "Hey, the spell's not working! Welp, time to grab our guns instead!" (maybe with the clone Pinkies causing so much havoc that this becomes the only viable solution). As for the ending, it feels like the outro of some shitty triple-A modern war FPS that goes for the "The horror! The horror!" ending of Apocalypse Now. I did like the image itself, i.e Pinkie trying to drown out her memories through sex with strangers, but the quality of the narration takes another nosedive there.
But the "main event" part of this fic... holy fucking shit, this is some dark stuff right here. I came here thinking it would be a complete waste of my time as the story tries to play out a completely ridiculous premise, but the horror of what is happening, not to mention how well it is described, made me forget about all that. And the way it just gets more and more brutal... wow... I think I'm getting a bleakness-boner again...
Sure, I could mention that this type of "shocker" fic is not exactly new, but the genius of this work is that it basically takes the already questionable scene from the show (i.e the part where everyone wondered "was Twilight actually killing the duplicate Pinkies?"), adds violence, and cranks it all up to eleven. And once you start thinking about it and look past the somewhat shallow setup, this really does take you to the deepest pits of darkness. The most impressive touch is how, despite the horror of the situation, some of the clones still manage to go back to "FUN FUN FUN-mode" and thus get themselves killed, so just as we're becoming convinced that they really are thinking and feeling beings just like the original Pinkie, this little detail slips in and has us question it all over again (which includes making her friends' actions more difficult to condemn, since we're not sure whether they're killing "real" Pinkie Pies...)
With that said, very impressive, but I think this could use a rewrite. Give the rest of the Mane Six better reasons to act this way (since the way they turn into emotionless killing machines out of nowhere is about as OOC as you can get), and do a better outro. That's my two cents.
Other than that, however, you deserve praise, for this is a delightfully dark story. Well done!
5407819
HAHAHA! I like you.