Chapter 8: Lullaby of Loss
Castle Aurora
Two Hours After Sunrise
Celestia
There it was, the secret of her heart and mind was out in the open for her daughter to finally know. She had put this off for far too long.
The silence was suffocating.
Her heart was beating fearfully in her chest, almost deafening in the silence that had descended. Celestia hadn’t felt this vulnerable in centuries. Every second of nothing that passed seemed like a year of agony as she awaited Twilight’s reaction.
Her daughter gasped as if stabbed and flinched back. “What?” She squeaked. Twilight stared up at her as if she didn’t recognize her. Then she looked back at the mirror, where their reflections still showed, and then back up at her.
Twilight started trembling, as if in her own personal earthquake. Her lip was shaking as she whimpered.
“I-I don’t understand!” Twilight stuttered. Her tail curled up and she started stroking it with a shaking hoof. “That…That’s not possible is it? N-N-No! That’s not possible! You…You can’t be my mother!”
Celestia winced. “I…I’m sorry. I should have told you a long time ago-“
“Told me!” Twilight yelped. “I should have never not known!”
Twilight was getting more frantic with every second. Her wings unfurled and then retracted repeatedly as her panic grew. She turned around to where Celestia couldn’t see her face.
Twilight started crying.
“I…I wish I didn’t know…”
Celestia could feel her heart start to break. She reached forward to touch Twilight, but as soon as her hoof touched her daughter’s shoulder Twilight brushed off Celestia violently.
“Don’t touch me!”
Twilight still wouldn’t look at her.
“Twilight…Twilight please, I’m sorry!” Celestia begged, tears leaking down her face. Her fears were being realized. “I just...I didn’t…” She just wanted to see Twilight, see her face, see the magenta eyes that were just like her own.
She just wanted to be a family.
Mother and daughter.
Was she too late?
Celestia reached out with her wings to embrace her. She wanted to just…hold her wonderful, beautiful daughter. To feel her heart beat against her own. Celestia needed to let her child know how much she loved her. “Twilight…Twilight I-“
And in a poof of magic, Twilight was gone.
“…love you.” Celestia finished weakly.
She remained where she was, wings reaching out to embrace the empty air.
Twilight…had rejected her.
Twilight didn’t want her.
Twilight didn’t love her.
And Celestia’s heart broke.
Letting out a heart-wrenching sob, Celestia closed her eyes bitterly and bowed her head as she wept. Her mournful keens filled the forsaken room like a the echoes of a long forgotten ghost. Tears flowed freely as they fell like rain to the unfeeling stone below.
I’ve lost her…
Celestia felt her heart beat weakly in her chest, as if it had lost the will to continue in the wake of Twilight’s rejection. Her mind was numb. What would she do now? What could she do? Did she even want to do anything?
She didn’t know.
Did she care?
Wishing…begging for Twilight, Celestia turned her torn mind to happier times.
Celestia remembered when Twilight was a small filly, barely tall enough to reach her knees. It was when Twilight had first moved into the castle. Celestia had been so happy then, to be so close to her only child. And yet it was also torture, to be so close and still withholding her true feelings towards Twilight. Celestia would smile every time Twilight came to her, whether it be for lessons or advice. But then she would cry herself to sleep every time she left the castle. It had been like Twilight coming home, only for her to turn away and return to another mare that she called ‘mother.’ Celestia spent many a holiday alone, unable to retain her composure when she desired her daughter’s presence. Twilight would go home to her adoptive family for Hearth's Warming Eve, leaving her alone in a cold castle with nothing but bitter regrets.
Mother’s Day was the worst, when Twilight would ask her for advice on what to give Velvet. It was days like that when she longed to reveal herself to Twilight. To finally be recognized as the mother of her beloved child.
But she never did.
Celestia cursed the day she left Twilight at the orphanage, even though she knew there had been no other way.
The broken alicorn stood up as if carrying the weight of her sun. She didn’t know what to do. Should she go find Twilight? No…Yes? No. Twilight didn’t want her. Twilight didn’t want to know that Celestia was her mother.
A dagger digging out her heart could not have been more effective.
Celestia pushed open the door, flinching in the bright light that suddenly invaded her eyes.
“Celestia?”
It was Luna, still sitting patiently outside the door. Her sister peered over her shoulder into the empty room behind her.
“Celestia…where’s Twilight?” Luna asked carefully, her face scrunched up in concern.
“Gone.” She sobbed.
“I…” Luna said in realization. “Oh sister, I’m so sorry…”
Celestia stared through her, as if she wasn’t there. Nor did she react to Luna’s apology. Instead she walked on as if Luna was a fixture on the wall.
“Sister?” Luna asked, her face a mixture of worry and guilt. “Should I go find-“
“No.” Celestia interrupted tartly. “She doesn’t want me.”
“I don’t think that’s-“
Celestia held up a wing to silence her, not even looking back at her sister.
“I… I want to be alone. I deserve to be alone.”
Luna looked panicked, so she walked faster as she tried to catch up to Celestia. “Tia, I think we need to-“
“To what?” Celestia snapped, turning her tear-stained face to glare at her sister. “To do what Luna? Twilight rejected me. She wished she didn’t know I am her mother. What more should I do? What more can I do? Anything I do will only make her unhappy, and I…I don’t want to make her sad. But it would seem that I have failed in that regard. Again.”
Luna frowned sympathetically. “Sister…I don’t know what to say-“
“Then say nothing.” Celestia said flatly, turning back away from Luna. “I’ve already said enough.”
And before Luna could reply, Celestia charged up her magic and returned to her guest suite in Castle Aurora. She sluggishly returned to the bed and fell heavily onto it, crying all the while.
I deserve to be alone.
Celestia didn’t deserve Twilight as a daughter, she was a terrible mother. Twilight had only ever admired her as a mentor and a princess. Now Twilight might not love her at all, not after Celestia admitted to deceiving her all these years.
Against her better judgment, Celestia recalled the brief time she had truly been Twilight’s mother, in the time before she had left her on the orphanage’s doorstep.
Celestia remembered when she first discovered she was pregnant. The initial panic gave way to happiness and joy, only for doubt and fear to return with a vengeance. She lovingly recalled the months she felt Twilight growing within her, her stomach growing as she became foal-burdened. Celestia had to cast a enchantment on herself to hide her large pregnant belly from the guards and the castle staff.
When Twilight had been born, she had never felt so much love before. Not since Luna had been banished. To look into those small magenta eyes, just like her own, as they opened for the first time was more breathtaking than anything Celestia had witnessed in all her long life. To hear her cries, and to feel her daughter’s love was something Celestia wouldn’t have traded for anything.
A song came to mind. The first and only song Celestia had sang to Twilight as her mother. With the voice of an angel and the sadness of a broken heart, she sang aloud her lullaby.
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy, when skies are grey.
You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you.
Please don’t take, my sunshine away…”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Spacecowboy · 26k words · 1,349 25 · 23k views
- Foals Errand · 21k words · 1,717 85 · 34k views
- Spacecowboy · 17k words · 862 30 · 18k views
- ArcaneDust · 38k words · 547 19 · 15k views
- Night--Mist · 40k words · 635 65 · 33k views
- Chatterjoy · 11k words · 287 13 · 12k views
- Polaris501 · 128k words · 1,983 85 · 33k views
- Bakmah Genesis · 7.9k words · 712 101 · 19k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.032 seconds
Total duration
723 users online
857,393 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Forgot an "n"
Magenta what? Eyes?
Also, screw you, you giant tease. I can't take these small chapters. Especially if the chapter is literally just a drive by to my heart.
That`s pretty bucking brutal! Hope Twilight just need some time and boozy.
Ow. I can feel her pain.
that breaking sound? yeah, crumbling like the relationship between Tia and Twi.
that breaking sound? oh that was the glass door of my gun cabinet was my brain gearing up to find the author and force him to publish the next chapter. he says he'll be checking every morning as he wakes up and every night as he goes to bed. I'd hurry if I were you.
I'm sorry, I know that death threats aren't going to make you write faster, but I just want to see these two be a happy family as quickly as possible while still making for an emotionally satisfying read and you just happen to be at a good spot to build to a very good emotional payoff and I want to see them moving along to that very good emotional payoff via a very good emotional build
Oh Tia...
5563033 Have to agree with that last part.
I half expected Celestia to banish herself to the sun...
That last part, the song, is really twisting the knife on the heartstrings there. Nicely done. Now excuse me while I find a tissue.
While I can't see Twilight and Celestia not making amends, this is still a heart breaker. Twilight is an analytic thinker, and can come to terms with why Celestia made the choices she did, but at the same time the pain of having something so fundamental about her self kept from her is devastating. I see Twilight and Celestia as the types who will make it though this, but that doesn't mean there won't be plenty of drama and conflict along the way as the meaning of their relationship has fundamentally changed.
oh my feelings! its so good but yet so sad
5563033
You forgot to tell the author that he forgot the 'at' after 'glare'.
Irony, it's a thing! Things are good... almost as good as stuff!
OHOHOHOHOH!! What if the stuff is PIE!!
Aah!
I require more chapters! Dirty cliffhangers...
....o-ouch...I um, I find that when a story truly does invoke emotion....it speaks volumes.
this chapter, it spoke more than volumes to me, and for that, these tears I am shedding are a way of thanks to you...this chapter made me cry, and smile.
Its been a story I've latched onto since I found it. In a way, its what I wish my life could have had. While not going into detail, I will explain that like many others in our world I did not have the love of a mother figure in my life, or a mother at all really....i still crave that type of love to this very day.
to deny that truth to myself, would by pointless.
it is true that the love a mother gives can only be given by them alone, and when i realized I'd missed such a chance, it saddened me greatly.
However, reading this chapter brought a little clarity to how I felt when I didn't have one, and right now I am crying because i do not want to see Twilight lose the chance I never had. I want to see what i could have had, and what could have been.
While i don't know what the end of your story will entitle...i do hope for her to gain the love, that, some of us will never truly know.
So thank you for writing this story, that chapter, and helping me always remember why i want a mothers love.
With tears, hope, and joy,
Backlash91
5563202 Welp, time to turn in my nitpicker's badge and quietly commit seppuku in a corner.
I'm sorry I brought shame to the proud profession.
I saw this in the feature box and was immediately thinking: "I'M GOING TO READ THAT FIC SO HARD MY EYES BLEED!"
Luckily for me, they only hurt slightly. A lot. No seriously, I need a doctor over here.
-Sanity is overrated
Man this is really good and this is so sad. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
This was a sorrowful chapter.
heart broken
Please more fix what is broken!!
so said
hope to read more soon
Comrades! Friends! People!
We must try to fix what has been broken for the sake of Equestria! We must find Twilight and she and Celestia must reconsile! I'll take one hallway and all the rooms on it! Everyone take a hallway and search for Twilight!! LESSGO!!
I can't believe Twilight rejected her. Sure I would've but I wouldn't have run away, I would've cursed her out and then come to my senses. How this ended requires more.
THE FEEEEEELS!!!!!!!! *keels over dead from the feels*
As always, you are doing great work. I can't wait for more!
So sad.
if you take a month to release the next chapter i will hurt you....
Hearth's Warming Eve. The punctuation is very important, you see, because one time the changelings misinterpreted it as "Hearth Swarming Eve". That was an exciting day to be in Canterlot!
please don't let us wait so long, I can't wait for much longer
here's a version of the full song so ya'll can be even more crushed by Celestia's sadness
5563928 This. Fucking. Song. Damn this thing is fitting for this.
That song.
My grandmother used to sing it to me when I couldn't sleep.
I'm crying in the middle of class.
A good chapter. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
This phrasing is a bit weird to the ear and, although there is something of an accusatory tone, almost suggests that Twilight finds herself at fault not noticing. I assume she is yelling at Celestia though, given the context. I don't know if 'yelp' is really the right verb.
For future reference, if you want it here's the whole song.
Looks like you forgot "eyes" and I think "Celestia's" would sound better if replaced with "her own".
This fucking chapter, that was sad... And I want more. Why you do this Polaris? WHY?! Now I am just gonna be sad at every Celestia story I read.
5563275
Rest in peace dear Baronvonkame. Brought down by his own inability to properly correct a sentence.
Hm, something must have gone wrong when you uploaded the new chapter, Polaris. There's clearly a whole part of it missing after the song's last line, like, a few thousands words! You should correct that.
Please let this work, please let this work, please let...
Oh, Celestia. It's never too late for family! Especially for two semi-immortal deities in a world with necromancy.
You know what i think... I think there's going to be a nightmare moon and Celestial Hybrid in the future... It makes sense, she's so upset and mad she'll make it eternal day burning everyone.
5565298
Nah I get the vibe that Celestia will run away from everything forcing Twilight to raise the sun for a few days (would make the whole twilight controlling the sun thing foreshadowing) until twilight cools down and seeks out Celestia to get some answers.
Aww man... that song is going to be in my head for a while...
I hope to see the next chapter soon... I feel as if discord is going to talk to Twilight...
Two crying alicorn princesses.... Yep, the world is doomed if Pinkie finds out. No, scratch that, the world is doomed no matter what.
It's so beautiful.
5563781
I was a little biased when I wrote that comment originally thanks to having a faulty belief that I was betrayed in my real life. I now know the real definition of betrayal, however, which has forced me to admit that all of those betrayals were actually people just unintentionally hurting me with their careless actions, just like Discord's so-called betrayal was. He had another goal in mind when he teamed up with Tirek. In order for it to have been a true betrayal, he would have needed to just want to hurt the ponies that he had become friends with.
Luna's betrayal towards Celestia, however, was exactly that. She even said, during the flashback when Twilight Sparkle saw Celestia banish her to the moon, that she had a new purpose: destroying Celestia!
But that's neither here nor there in the long run of my response to your response to my comment. My main point is, Discord does deserve forgiveness, I suppose, but if things had been just a touch different, then he would not deserve forgiveness.
Glad to see another update, short as it was. Hope to see more soon.
I'm way into this sad story I really hope Twilight ending up forgiving Celestia in the end. And I really hope some the main character that not yet know about the mirrorverse react who her father is.
O hello no that's no way to end a story what the hell is that
Okay this is getting intense, hopefully Luna ignores Celestia and goes to scold her niece for being mean... also hopefully Luna scolds Celestia more for not going after Twilight herself. Anyway this is getting really emotional I can't wait to see the next part.
I'll see you at the next chapter.
So... Twilight's yelling at Celestia for saying she should've known? I know someone else pointed this out, but it seems rather sloppy. Either it's a typo or Twilight is supposed to be freaking out. Like it's her worst fear coming to life.
Glad to see the update though! Thank you!
Eeyup, that was brutal
*Checks* Oh! The last update wasn't that long ago, so odds are good we'll get to see more!
Seriously, several other stories I'm following haven't updated in so long I fear the story is dead
5594246
I think Twilight's saying that Twilight should have been allowed to know the truth the entire time.
My heart broke for Celestia when Twilight rejected her
I can't wait to read more!
MOAR!!!!!!