"Quid Pro Quo," the unicorn said to her friend before they both "shook" on it, much to the dismay of the suave mare. With Rainbow Dash's chores done, it's time for her to repay the favor to Rarity.
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- Member Since 8th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 17th, 2022
DouglasTrotter
What fills and soothes the soul will vary, but for me, I will not know until I try.
DouglasTrotter
Joined 8th Oct, 2012 ·
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Great story! Glad I got a chance to read it! Spike Moustache for you!
I must say that the ficlet start out strong with the dialogue between the two. Very enjoyable at first, and with some details like the sentence with her wing, I was smiling and enjoying it. But you seem to have jumped past quite a bit of needed details and transitioning as soon as Rainbow Dash walked out. It suddenly was rush, barely connecting together. I felt the beginning had far more emotional connection than the end. Good story, but needs more.
3943588
Thanks, I felt the same way as I wrote this for the Equestria Daily writing prompt. The original story I had was Fluttershy and Discord swapping places for a day with Fluttershy getting Discord's powers. Needless to say that didn't pan out as I wanted and thought about this one.
With Dash walking out, I wanted to add a sense of "did she just do that? She's the element of Loyalty, why did she do that?" and left it kind of blank. I do wholeheartedly agree that it could have used more dialogue, perhaps a solo moment with Rarity questioning herself and Dash feeling bad while admitting her own shortcomings as to why she doesn't want to help.
3943000
Glad you liked it. I'm worried my stories are getting a little too heavy on the dialogue, and they don't seem to have nearly enough "show" as to the scene setting. That idea of the "scene has already started" appears quite easy, but it kinda feels cheap to me.
3944459 If done right, I don't really see a problem with a large amount of dialogue. If it's not all exposition, has a point to it, and is entertaining, than by all means have a story about a debate team. If done right, anything can be pulled off.
And although there's not much show, it's not focused on the dresses per say. Half finished dresses is fine since they're not exactly the prime focus. The prime focus, as far as I can tell, was the two of them making an agreement. So dialogue fits here.
I think it would be interesting if the show had an episode that was basically an extended version of this story, with Rainbow and Rarity bonding as friends.