• Member Since 7th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 10th, 2023

007Delta


And here we find an American Male, struggling to tide himself over until Season 5 by reading and writing dangerous levels of Fanfiction.

Comments ( 41 )

Devilishly sexy if I dare say. :moustache:

Wooooooooooooooooow...........that's some of the best vinyl and octy clop I've seen XD

3930646

Agreed. Good way of ending it too.

Hmm... a little quick for my tastes and I did noticed a few errors in it. For instance you wrote Vinyls which should actually be Vinyl's. You also spelled Vinyl wrong at one point near the beginning. You also had a part that should have been in italics to make it come across as thoughts.

I'm sure whatever Octavia wanted could wait a few minutes.

You also seemed to switch tenses here.

Vinyl decided to walk down the path. This was Octavia, whatever she was doing, it wouldn't be of any harm to me. So what did I have to fear? I walked carefully down the path.

i also noticed this sentence.

A soft whimper of disappointment seeped from Vinyls lips as she was once again left alone. 'How was Octavia doing this?' Vinyl thought. 'It's like she knows every move I'm going to make,'

again, thoughts look better when italicized and you ended the last bit with a comma. should a be period.

Though it was rather short and not exactly 100% clop, it's a good start to a story. You can easily improve on this and turn it into something good.

3932672

All corrected except for the comma. I decided to keep that as a stylistic choice, as it makes you read the sentence a certain way.

EDIT: I decided that an exclamation point works better.

Me thinks Vinyl went music shopping that night. :yay:

Comment posted by Saint-Mercy deleted Feb 12th, 2014

3933281 totally correct. She probably bought some Coltzart. "Mozart"

Quite a quick little chapter.

There were several errors and missing words throughout, but the overall idea of the story is interesting. It had a nice tone and aside the speed of how fast it went, it felt like a nice build in if you wish to continue with more to the story to come.

More horsesex and I'll be set. :rainbowkiss:

dude your storys are really in detail i really like it:heart:

first comment, you should keep writing this

Me: Your 80th like
Awesome story man.

4031943

Somnophilia to be precise,

4031954
Yeeeeah, no matter how you slice it, it's still sex without consent.

4032047

It's fiction man, it's not real. Even if she gave consent, none of it would actually happen.

4032068
Meh. Not like it's my problem.
Although, others will no doubt bitch about the principals of it all.

4032097 ehh, some will like it, some won't. I write for those who will enjoy it, so meh. :)

4032133
Good mentality. Not a great one, just good.

Wow, didn't think it was going to go there.:rainbowderp: I'm out.

we for one would not mind bearing witness to Luna teaching one to both of them a lesson they would never forget :pinkiecrazy:

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If you guys like, I could simply rewrite the chapter if rape is a little too much, or we could just have Luna step in and do her stuff. Up to you guys,

4068447
While I don't know what you mean by "Luna doing her stuff" I will admit that I don't really care either way. It's your choice, dude.

IMO I feel Octavia could of came up with a better DJ name but was still enjoyable nonetheless.:heart:

Wasn't this the story that had the shop owners come in and do some somnophilia? What happened to that anyway?

5232847 this was that story. Pulled the chapter a long time ago, but I could PM you the chapter if you wanted to read that part,

Fuck, I um, uh, nevermind! :twilightblush:

'She had been there hundreds of times, but in her licentious state, she couldn't think straight.' I know i shouldn't, but totally lost it

Fair warning to all: Uncover and read this at your own risk.

Ow ow ow ow ow.. to be honest, a bow on your clit would hurt! I play violin, and I get cuts from my bow's constantly breaking threads, so that on my clitoris? I imagine tiny paper cuts on the most sensetive part of the body!

5234217 I want it man send it to me:flutterrage::pinkiecrazy:

5234217 I want it man send it to me:flutterrage::pinkiecrazy:

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