Octavia and Vinyl know their hardships, though they have yet to live peacefully. Through all of this, they will come to terms with themselves, learning their true feelings. **This is my first fanfiction. The updates will be hampered by musical activities, hockey, and school, so I apologize in advance, though everyone has priorities. The style used is meant to be similar to that of Dennisthemenace's My Roommate is a Vampire, and I would greatly appreciate HELPFUL criticism (please no hate). I would simply like to know how you feel I can improve my preferred style, for use int the future. So please, leave my some helpful criticism in the comments or message me. Anything I suppose. Enjoy!**
**On hold until more time is available for work. I WILL continue this. I also need to refine my writing style and such. Thanks for understanding.**
Interesting, It might just be me but it was hard to follow for a bit there..
3947944 I'll admit it may have seemed scattered, but it was somewhat meant to be like that. I'm trying to make this a similar style to that of My Roommate's a Vampire, which has jumps in time that can be very short, long, or in between.Once everything is truly established, it will get more packed together time wise, and thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Very Interesting story so far I hope you continue writing it because it defiantly has potential to be an excellent story.
3995040 Thanks! I just wish my schedule wasn't so tight. I might try to squeeze it in by end end of this weekend. But thank you.
You have a really good start here. Your characterization is pretty good, and the story is pretty interesting. My two main complaints are with the pacing and the detailing of the scenes.
The pacing for your chapters seems a bit rushed. Try slowing things down a bit and give us more time to get attached to the characters. The scenes changes, at current, are a bit jarring, and it feels like there could be more dialog in the scenes.
Detailing on the scenes feels very flat and a little boring. While you do want to leave some of the detail of these locales to the readers, you also want to strike a good balance by giving us some descriptions of the places so our minds can fill in the blanks. Right now I'm having a bit of trouble visualizing the places they're in. What does their apartment look like? Do they have any knick-knacks laying about? Do they have a separate room for practicing? Seemingly insignificant details like this can go a long way to putting some meat into the story.
Again, you have a good base. Just needs a bit more work on those areas. I'll keep an eye on this. Best of luck.
I'm enjoying this.
Me and my army supports this story