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After contracting whatever disgusting virus the Tatzlwurm was carrying, Discord discovers that a runny nose and hacking cough are the least of his worries. In his weakened state, his powers have stopped working! Thankfully, he's in good hooves with Fluttershy there to help put things in perspective.
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Short. Simple. Sweet.
I like it.
As a brief character piece, this is pretty good. I really like how you jumped right into the story instead of spending a few paragraphs "establishing the scene" as it were. A lot of authors would have done that, but in a story like this where we already know what's going on, why bother?
The one jarring detail is that it feels like just the start of a much bigger story, but you seem to tease in both directions.
Over all, I'd say 4-and-a-half stars out of five.
3866728 Thank you! :)
3866819
Usually I'd leave a longer comment, but I think that pretty much says it all.
3866811 Thank you very much! And you're right, originally I'd intended it as a one-shot, but the premise seems to call for a bigger story! I've got the doc open now, so I'm thinking about continuing!
Maybe a VERY upset Catamarane will show up in the near future...
(ST:TNG reference)
I really like it. Have you posted this story before? The idea sound familiar.
3868042 Haha, got it! And the idea was somewhat inspired by "Deja Q", mostly in that it's an example of one of my favorite tropes. ^_^ Discord's got it better than Q though - Fluttershy's much nicer than the crew of the Enterprise, lol!
3868826 Thank you! And I posted it on my deviantArt page, but I figured it would better reach the intended audience here! ^_^
3868826
I have a TNG crossover on this site, "The King Who Would Be Man", where Discord is Q and the events of "Deja Q" are looming in his future, so he's been doing research with Twilight's help on who might hate him enough to want him dead if they knew he was powerless. It's possible you read that. (He hasn't hit the level of absolute panic that Discord hits in this story, yet, but that's because he hasn't actually lost his powers yet and he's pretending it might not happen. The panic's coming. :-))
3869497 I've been reading your stories! I adore the way you write Discord, and I'm excited to to see when the panic hits! ^_^
3869748
That's where it sounds familiar! I loved that story!
^^ Daughter of a trekkie. Lol
Ooh, loving it so far!
YAY! You updated! I can't wait to see where this goes!
good chapter this will be fun for discord to try and figure pinkie out
lol i'd find it funny if pinkie was related to discord.
YAY! You updated!
And FINALLY some Discord and Pinkie bonding! I'm pretty sure those two will make a heck of a pranking team after he gets better! ;)
I love this story, it definitely deserves more views.
Yet it's still going.
4386108
Thank you! I'm not sure how to let more people see it - any ideas?
4388315
Groups are usually your best bet, thought I struggle with the view count thing myself.
4391661
Thanks! I'm still a relative newbie on this site...I'll have to look into that!
Ablutions? More a word Discord would use than Applejack...
4399341
Haha, true, but it's such a fun word! And imagining it in Applejack's voice convinced me to put it in - it was too funny. I imagine, just as she was able to go all fancy in "Simple Ways", she's not dumb just no-frills, so if she heard a big word out of someone else (she spends time with some smart ponies after all) she might remember it and pull it out for use once is a while.
A very good story.
CUDDLES!!!!!!!!!
4401669
Haha! Yes, they'll be coming next!
This was sooooooooo sweet! Seeing Discord and AJ bond was both funny and cute!
Also, Discord and Celestia had some kind of relationship in the past? As a hardcore Dislestia shipper, this pleases me.
And don't even get me started on how adorable that hug was! Discord is so precious when he gets all awkward and genuine!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Aw we fluttercord moment so cute!!
This pleases me
4402132
Thank you!! ^_^ Discord and AJ make for an odd dynamic, but their exchange was a blast to write!
And yep, I'm a Dislestia shipper myself, so while I don't think it will feature prominently here, I had to slip in some hints at their past (at least in my headcanon, haha).
And if you thought the couch hug was precious, wait til the next chapter!
Good story. Your characters are not spot-on all the time, but they are great fun to read, particularly sassy Fluttershy, even if she is so to a much larger degree than I recall her being in the show.
One thing: "You just keep pretending your selfish if it makes you feel better.” It should be "you're."
Now, to read the next chapter.
D'aaaaaaaaaaaaaw. This is really fun and this chapter in particular was just plain cute. I'll keep an eye on this. Have a fave and a like.
One thing though: "“Do you really I’d tolerate these incessant indignities otherwise?”" You missed "think" after "really".
Looking forward to more chapters. Happy writing.
4434765
Whoops! Good catch - thank you!
Glad you're enjoying the story! ^_^
I like it ^_^ that bed scene was cute, I ship fluttercord but it was nice to see your note about them being platonic about it. I could see that. I can't wait for more !
I'm disgusted by this literary atrocity. Why anyone would even bother READING it is beyond me. The whole thing was just flat-out garbage, just like this fanbase.
If you don't like reading this or even like the fan base, why do you stay. You can leave whenever you want. Leave! It's not going to change anything!
I honestly love the chapter and I think it's cute.
Oh my God, this was the sweetest thing EVER!
Like you, I ship Dislestia and prefer a platonic relationship between Dissy and Flutters (those two are my BROTP), and you definitely made that cuddling scene both platonic AND sweet.
Great work, as always!
(Also, ignore that comment from Uberdeathninja. He is very well known for being a troll towards the Brony community.)
Even with your assurance that it was platonic, I still had FLUTTERCORD! screaming in my mind during that sweet cuddles scene!
Platonic, shlamonic
FLUTTERCORD SHIPPING CONTINUE
..........PLE-EA-EA-EA-SE
Another thing: “That’s excellent news, my dear, though you don’t have to glare at him like I’m some disobedient school colt. Whatever it takes to knock this thing out, I’ll do it.” I think it should be "glare at me", not "glare at him".
Everything else is just dandy.
Man, so much in this chapter tickles my inner Fluttercord lover. And though I want this sooo badly to have that pairing, you're keeping me confused by having both the cuddling, affection, kisses and then the "purely innocent"-comment and the implication that there was Discordia in the past. Man, that's a portmanteau that sounds good. But I can definitely say that I will follow this to the end whether this is supposed to be pure friendship or not. It's simply too great to abandon. And you have mastered the characters by now, compared to when I first commented. Discord and Shy are awesome and adorable and AJ and Dash and Pinkie are perfect and have some brilliant interaction with Discord.
Now for nitpicks:
"She flew passed him to the bathroom" It's "past" when the structure is this. "Passed" is past tense of "pass", while "past" is a a completely different word that I can't quite find the category of right now. But it should be "past".
"He supposed that if without his powers he needed to bathe, that extended to dental hygiene as well." It might be correct, but it looks weird when you write "that if without his powers he needed to bathe". I suggest the simpler "supposed that, if he needed to bathe without his powers, he'd have to handle dental hygiene unassisted too".
“This will help with the congestion,” she said, “Lay down." I'm no doctor, but how does an ointment on the chest help with congestion, which, from what I can find on wiki, must refer to stuffed nose and stuff? Unless there is trouble with his lungs and that is a pretty serious problem if there is any kind of congestion there. It seems to mean something like blockage?
and he took his first deep breath through his nose in 48 hours." Forty-eight is short enough that it ought to be written with letters, not numbers. Always use letters, unless the number is used in a "scientific" way, gets waaaaay too long or is on signs or other writing in universe.
" and then the padding of rabbit fit off down the hall. " I fail to get this sentence. Did you mean "padding of rabbit FEET"? That makes sense. Otherwise, I'm stumped at what you actually meant to say.
Anyway, great chapter and great story. More please.
Happy writing.
4487496
Totally serious, actually - I could really use a proofreader.
Thank you, I'll go back and fix the typos. I don't have a beta reader, so even when I re-read it myself a few times before posting, I miss things! Maybe you'd like that job? I
As for the pairing, the reason I don't ship Fluttercord is really because of the age difference, and the fact that one of them is immortal while the other isn't. I'm not a big fan of tragic love stories, so putting them together knowing he'll outlive her is something I can't bring myself to do. With Celestia, I know they could literally be 'together forever' so it works better for me.
Ironically, I see the relationship between Fluttershy and Discord as more of a surrogate-mother/child one. Despite him being so much older than she is, I think she's vastly more mature and so the role is one that suits her. And I think, cliche as it is, that he really needs a mother more than a romantic partner right now.
4487496
Also! The menthol leaf ointment was my way of describing an organic version of Vicks Vapo-rub, lol. You rub that on your chest and the aromatics help clear your sinuses.
4490474
Yeah, romantic pairings always get weird with such differences as species, major age gaps and longevity issues. Still, I will keep at it, I'm the positive sort of person regarding immortality. But I also like friendshippy stories, so no worries.
Never thought about the relationship that way. Kinda weird to me, but those cuddles and kisses makes sense in that interpretation too. And Dissy needs a whole family to be honest, someone to mother him, someone to smack him sometimes (metaphor, I'm not a supporter of corporal punishment, but you know what I mean) and he could kinda use a younger sibling to learn that he isn't the center of the universe. Ya know, in the stereotypical "only child" way. Though your Dissy is pretty nice, so maybe he doesn't really need someone to be real harsh to him.
Hm, beta-ing more people? Sure, we can give it a try, your chapters are not that long, not exactly the monsters that I get from Shokinaw. I should be able to handle those. I'll send you an email in a private message, I haven't figured out any way to Beta yet that wasn't the old-fashioned "document back and forth by mail", though I have the impression that I'm missing something.
And I've never seen that Vicks Vapo-rub, though I did say I'm not a doctor. I just thought I'd have been introduced to it with my chronic allergies and stuff, but well, live and learn.
4490849
^_^
I agree with him needing a family - after reading this, I remembered a line from an old West Wing Episode, that I could hear coming from Applejack. A character, when asked why she was pushing another and making them rethink some things, says matter-of-factly "Because you never had a big sister before, and you need one." I wish I could steal it for her, but I won't. But you're right - it's that other perspective that's important for someone's development. Discord is rather emotionally immature, and has some growing up to do. And I think a surrogate family, with some of the Mane Six filling in the roles, might be just what he needs!
And I saw your message, thank you!
That's funny, I always have a jar of it in the house - it works great when you have a cold!
4491110
Yeah, different countries, different go-to remedies I guess.
4491121 That would make sense!