Six years have passed since the events at the Tree of Harmony. Time has continued to flow and life has moved on. While the Bearers of Harmony have spread apart with the passage, their friendship mostly remains. However, the time has comes for the heroes of the past to step clear of the path of legends to live normal lives and make way for the heroes of the future.
Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom step onto the path's edge as word spreads of a joyous event; one that leads to a long overdue reunion of their predecessors. Memories resurface as they make up for lost time, though some expose the cracks in forgotten wounds.
Among it all, a new danger lurks and spreads; a threat to all lands, even beyond the borders of Equestria.
Join the Cutie Mark Crusaders on their journey as the story unfolds. Magic, love and excitement await as our young heroines undertake an unforgettable adventure to save the world and perhaps make a few new friends along the way.
Cover image used with permission from Dennybutt. Thanks a ton! I hope to be able to commission you for a more specific cover soon!
Thanks to the friends from EditorsRus for their help finding things I overlooked and for their continued help!
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@Mereneth...
1. A minor correction... The correct name is Apple Bloom (two words), not Applebloom (one word), unlike her sister Applejack (one word). It always boggles me to why so many get that wrong. It is Apple Bloom (two words) on the show credits, the closed captions/subtitles, the official site, the toys & games, and the canon wiki.
2. Other than that, you have a strong start. No glaring technical errors (spelling, grammar, format, tense, etc.). And a hearty & hale word-count. The former can kill any story if done sloppily, no matter how good the story-premise. The latter draws in readers because it shows you put in the writer effort into your fan-work.
Well here's a comment, but I may as well read your story so far also
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Was the comment notification worth it?
3876194 Not going to let me live that down are you?
Aww, cute! Personally, I would never have shipped Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, but you made it work out nicely. The story was a little slow, and tough to chew through, mostly because of a some instances of tell being used over show, and the inclusions of details that I personally felt were irrelevant to the plot.
Criticism aside though, this is probably more realized than anything I have ever written, and you definitely seem to grasp the basics of the writing craft, which is more than what most authors I know can say. The only thing really holding this story back for me is the subject matter and slow pace.
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I think a little something is missing here...
Well...
thanks for reminding me that I suck at reading. (not an insult to your writing, I just suck)
I have to say that you did an exceptional job with this. Though I'm not really one for ship fics, you really seemed to make it work.
There were a few technical errors here and there in the writing like I pointed out before, but other than that your writing was solid.
One thing I saw though, and this goes with Andygrey's comment, is about the use of tell vs show in some points in the story.
Rather than just stating she was "hopeful" and feeling "happy", you could show things like body language that make the reader visualize that she has those feelings. This could also be used in some of the more "emotional" moments in your story to help the reader feel the mood a bit more. Whe the reader can visualize the emotion, they are more likely to feel it themselves when they read it.
Honestly, I struggle with this same problem in showing emotions and I'm probably not explaining it very well.
You did a great job. You should be proud. Keep up the good work.
3899760 As far as the bigger crit point goes that you share with andy, are you suggesting something like fidgeting versus describing the emotion?
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