• Member Since 29th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 22nd, 2022

Wolf-Baron


Well I'm just a casual fan of mlp but I do enjoy the show. I like to write stories about pony and human/furry interactions.

Comments ( 27 )

So... An alternate timeline with humans instead of zebras? Or are humans a third complicating party?
You misspelled prologue

3766424 Oh thanks. And Zebras are involved. Although their role won't be explained until later.
And thanks for the spelling error.

3766424 I can never seem to spell prologue right :twilightblush:

3766424 I was gonna post a timeline explaining the background, but I was afraid that would spoil too much of the plot.

3766460
Don't spoil the plot, I was asking a silly question:ajbemused:
Remember that this is Fanfiction, and all fanfiction is AU:pinkiehappy:
I read the first paragraph of the prologue before you replied, I can already assume some things about the past of your AU. I am planning one with a being from another gameverse, one that has magic and the potential for an apocalypse scenario :pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:

............I like this...plenty to wonder about....is that AJs steton by the way ? :applejackconfused:

Wait... Did he wake up in Canterlot?
No Pink Cloud? How did Luna and Celestia die then?:unsuresweetie:

That's very interesting. Very. I would give it a quick sweep, and put some commas to make sentences better. Keep up the good work, and this deserves a 8/10!

3766807 All in good time my friend. All in good time.

Not a bad idea, but he grammar and spelling require work. Also, try to pace out the story.

3767385 I know. I'm gonna try to improve it as I go along. Thankfully it's just the beginning.

3767385 Do you have any ideas how I can improve the pacing?

3770234 Ehhhhh. Describe the area more?

3771552 Well it was just a prologue. I'll work on it a bit more.

Before I start my grammar-nazi'ing, I'd like to state that if you feel that I'm being to "dick-ish" in my editing, then feel free to both let me know, and disregard anything that fits that description.

“No we can’t do this!”
“Yes we can, it’s our only chance for humanity’s survival!”
“There has to be another way. Please I do not wish to do this!”
“Oh my… it’s my entire fault! *sobbing* I did all this!”
“What are you doing to him?!”

"No, We can't do this!"
"There has to be another way! Please, Don't do this!"
"Oh my...this is all my fault! *sobbing* I caused all this!"
"What are you doing to him?!"

He visions soon began to tunnel

His vision soon began to tunnel

he sobbed with tears all alone in the empty darkness.

He sobbed brokenly, alone in the darkness

The human gasped at this. Seven years!
“Seven years?” he said to himself. How long have I been in that chamber?

You just told us how long he'd been in the chamber: around seven years. Him questioning it is redundant

Suddenly, Reynard leaned forward as he felt a dull but intense pain in his head.

Dull and intense are antonyms. His headache could have been dull or intense, but not both.

The entire land was a war zone with grey clouds covering the sky almost like a thunderstorm! There was little to no vegetation for miles to see other than a few tumbleweeds and dead tree stumps.

The entire land looked like a warzone, with grey clouds covering the sky almost like a thunderstorm, and there was little to no vegetation to be seen for miles. (this is not grammatically incorrect, but sounds better with the sentences combined)

In the distance, Reynard noticed a small city which appeared to have been in ruins.

In the distance, Reynard noticed a small city, also in ruins. (saying "which appeared to have been in ruins" implies that the city is no longer in ruins)

When he exited the university, the site he saw was even worse!

Wrong version of site/sight


Well, that's all I'm gonna put down. I had others, but they were small, nitpicky things that weren't at all significant. Again, I'm not trying to be a dick with this, but if I come off that way feel free to disregard this comment.:twilightblush:

Crap, I forgot a sentence on that first little block of text. The second sentence was supposed to read: "Yes, we can. It's Humanity's only chance for survival!"

3779879 Well I kinda deliberately used antonyms as a form of poetic writing. I've seen many authors use it.

You should probably add Fallout Equestria to the title. I missed this one and wouldn't have found it if not for your post on the FoE forum, and trust me that's not a normal thing to happen to me.

3815775 Already covered. Although my story is slightly different. Rather than it taking place 200 years after the nuclear exchange, mine takes place only a decade afterwards

3817215
As long as its in the universe. Even if it's before the wart or after Pip.

Comment posted by Wolf-Baron deleted Apr 11th, 2014

Thanks for adding your story to the Fallout Equestria Group! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions! :twilightsmile:

Question, whats hiatus mean?

5120116 It means that I'm not really writing anything for it at the moment. It's not that I'm cancelling it it's just that I'm working on other writing projects. This story is actually a prequel to another Fallout Equestria story I'm working on!

5120463 oh ok thanks i've never heard the word before.

"[W]ith rails so you...gun including a bayonet and a grenade launcher."

Thought I'd just say it, although it isn't very useful, a bayonet attaches to a bayonet lug on the rifle barrel, maybe 4-6 inches behind the muzzle.

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